Alexis on the Sexes: Sext defender

Q: My wife and I just discovered sexting, and our sex life has been smoking hot ever since. We are doing things to each other we never thought possible. The orgasms are mind-blowing and go on and on! All we can think about is our next playtime. What are the reasons why sexting makes sex so over the top and hot?

A: The most obvious reason sexting is so great is the resulting orgasm, because it's not only made up of physical stimulation but of mental stimulation. The brain does the heavy lifting when it comes to sexual pleasure; arousing it even more with some fun fantasy makes the end result that much more enjoyable.

Another thing that's really cool about exchanging hot texts with your longtime partner: no unwanted surprises. Ever flirt with a stranger on Facebook or Craigslist and have things escalate really quickly? Sometimes you're even meeting face-to-face in a parking lot a few hours later because the sexual energy created by the words you were exchanging rendered you too horny to function. Then your libido suddenly deflates when you hop into their car and notice your playmate for the evening has filthy teeth, eczema hands and a sibilant "S" you hadn't noticed over Google Talk, even with the video plug-in. Cue awkward exit. When it's time for the sex part with your wife, you know just what to expect, and should she happen to need a swig of Listerine first, you won't hesitate to tell her.

Sexting also contains a little bit of the chase. One element of the chase is getting to know someone in a way that you previously didn't, even just yesterday. Are you and your wife uncovering hidden fantasies and kinks, courtesy of naughty texts? I'll bet you are, which makes your bedroom activities more exciting as you discover new things about each other. It may even seem like your wife is someone other than herself, with all her dirty little messages, and that idea of being with "another" woman is a taboo turn-on for you. Hotter still: knowing that her kinky texts are meant for you and only you. It's sexy and sweet that a devoted couple have discovered a new way of getting it on. As long as you're taking great care to ensure your kids don't accidentally receive one of their parents' naughty texts -- gag -- then I'm as enthusiastically supportive of sexting as you are.

Q: My boyfriend and I have discussed expanding our sexual experiences. We'd like to add another person to the mix. We think it may be awkward to proposition someone we know, so we're looking for a safe and discreet source for female singles looking for a threesome. We're not interested in swapping. Any idea where we could find such a person?

A: As a friend to more than one couple who enjoy the occasional threesome, I do. My first tip is to hire a trained professional, whether that means using an escort service here in the Twin Cities or taking a weekend trip to a bigger city and doing the same there. TheEroticReview.com is a discreet, reliable source that lists and reviews service providers in Minnesota, nationwide and in other countries. For a sexually adventurous vacation on a dime, try Las Vegas. Many Sin City hotel concierges will encourage inquiring guests to use a particular agency for safety, convenience and, of course, kickbacks.

If you want to see who's out there but not charging by the hour, try AdultFriendFinder.com. It connects 25 dating and social networking sites via the same database, so there's bound to be someone who interests you. Then check out my March 10 column, "Third Person," for tips on how to navigate your first threesome to the happiest results.