Alexis on the Sexes: Say 'aah!'

Q: Please settle a question I overheard at a holiday party: Why do they call it a "dildo"?

A: I didn't know the answer to this one, so I consulted one of my all-time favorite books, "Sexy Origins and Intimate Things" by Charles Panati. It's a packed resource of all things racy and lacy, from why we say "bra" (the modern brassiere's American inventor was a Francophile) to how long people have been flipping each other off (the gesture is at least 2,500 years old, appearing in ancient Greek graffiti and even in Hebrew scripture). Here's the answer to your question:

"Dildo" is from the Latin "dilatare," meaning "to open wide," to dilate, to expand. It is the basis for the Italian verb "dilettare" ("to give pleasure"), which in turn gives us the term for a person who loves a field of knowledge in a superficial way: a "dilettante."

"Dildo" is also related to the Italian noun "diletto," meaning "delight," which can also be used as the endearment "beloved." The word is chock-full of pleasurable and loving meanings. Merriam-Webster traces the spelling of "dildo" to around 1598.

The practice of using dildos [of course] predates the word.

Q: I have a "size" problem that you don't often hear about -- I have a short tongue. It only sticks about a half-inch out of my mouth. This might be because my frenulum (the ligament that connects the tongue to the bottom of the mouth) is extra-large. Once my dentist was frustrated that I wouldn't stick it out farther so he stuck in his finger and hit the frenulum, making me wince. He was like, "Oh, sorry! You have one of those!"

This isn't too much of a problem with French kissing, especially if the girl has plenty of her own tongue to offer. But I love the cunnilingus, and I often feel limited in what I can do -- and my tongue often gets sore. I chatted with a married woman at a party who said she had had the same problem, but had a surgical procedure to clip part of the frenulum and give her more tongue. Her husband only nodded happily.

A: My research tells me that the adult lingual frenectomy (or clipping of the frenulum) is a quick procedure done under local anesthesia, with an after-care regimen of Tylenol for discomfort and tongue stretches to ensure that the scar tissue doesn't cause reattachment.

That sounds relatively painless, but probably unnecessary for your situation. Since it doesn't interfere with your makeout sessions, presumably your speech isn't impaired, and you didn't mention receiving negative feedback from the ladies about the way you polish off the pumpkin pie, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As is the case with one or two other things, what counts isn't necessarily the size of the prize, but the motion of the ocean. A healthy duration of pulsating pressure against the clit, with some light, labial tease-licking, will get the job done beautifully. Also, don't forget that your finger is your friend; the vagina loves having something to hold onto when it's time to come, so when you feel her getting close, gently slide a finger inside (even halfway is fine) to make her orgasm that much better.

Your friend's happy husband probably benefits from less involvement of his wife's teeth when she's giving him a blowjob -- hardly a hazard when the position is reversed and he's the one snacking on her sticky bun.