Q: I just started dating a guy who gave me panties early on, and now I have discovered that he has a whole bag full of different sizes of new women's panties. I'm totally creeped out. I did think it was a little too forward when he gave them to me so early on, and then, of course, asked me to try them on for him. This was the first gift he gave me. I really like this guy otherwise, but now it looks like he is really a player, or could he just be a bargain shopper? He seems to be pretty thrifty on most other things -- or maybe he has to be because he is seeing other women. I met him at church and he has stated all along that he hasn't dated anyone since he just moved here recently, and that he would really like a steady girlfriend. Red flag and run, or wait and see?
A: You weren't snooping, were you? Snooping is unacceptable, so you'd best apologize if that's how you came to discover your new man's little secret.
While I respect the thrifty shopper's tendency to snatch up a good deal when he sees one, it's highly unlikely that he has a stockpile of women's panties to give to future girlfriends. Nor is it likely that he keeps a stash for some ladies on the side. If he said that he hasn't been with other women and he has no discernable reason to lie, then he's probably telling the truth.
What you've got on your hands is a panty fetishist, not all of whom are pasty, overweight, basement-dwelling geeks with nary a shot at getting laid. Even the straightest hot jock types can have a thing for pink thongs. It's actually a pretty common fetish, with most of these guys preferring not only to keep a hefty stash of satin and lace, but also to wear them as they go about their daily business. Just because your man is into women's underwear doesn't mean he's a closeted gay or even a cross-dresser. Panties turn him on because they make him think of the woman he's with, and that should be at least a little flattering.
Don't let his big bag full of new undies worry you too much. It's not like he's into jazz flute or something weird. If they were used, then I'd worry that he's a creepy panty thief, nabbing them from women's bedrooms and clotheslines. Also, quantity doesn't necessarily indicate a deeper level of obsession. Just because someone keeps a full folder of porn on their laptop doesn't mean they're any more porn-dependent than someone who queues up RedTube whenever the mood strikes. It's just convenient to have exactly what you need when you need it.
If your man's panty stash is too weird for you, ask if he's willing to donate the bag of randoms in exchange for custody of a couple of pairs of your own. That should feel a little less foreign, and it may even turn you on to know that he's sporting your skivvies when you're not around.
Q: I appreciate your generally live-and-let-live views about sexuality. However, I also agreed with your deviation when you suggested on May 6 that men should "tone down the primping." I am no slave to fashion, but I find myself in a quandary. The light bulb finally went on that I should be trimming (not shaving!) my pubic hair, which has been wild and woolly for a lifetime. Things are more user-friendly now and my partner likes it, too. Do I get a pat on the back or have I primped too far?
A: If you like it and your partner likes it, why ask for my seal of approval? Sure, I speak for the majority of women when I say I'm happy if I never see another frosted tip haircut, waxed chest or shiny chemical-peel complexion, but what ultimately matters is that you both are happy with what you've got going on down there. That being said, I agree that trimmed is where it's at.
