Alexis on the Sexes: Don't be prude

Q: I'm a self-assured, fun-loving chick. I'm happily married and my husband and I have an amazing sex life. I have no doubts about his interest in me, have zero body qualms, and am in no way a prude. That said, do you have any insight into my prudish stance on sex in movies and TV -- and how to overcome it? I feel like it is always so geared toward providing men with something to wank about. Very seldom is it ever eye- or ear-catching for the ladies. Although he's not a typical man's man who feeds on these kinds of visuals, I cringe at the idea of him being allowed by society to sort of, at least visually, "cheat." We've avoided a lot of entertainment out there due to my squeamish ways.

A: Ah, but the impassioned, naked female body is attractive to all of us, no matter what you're into. Who doesn't appreciate a steep slope from belly to hips, a set of flushed lips and an ocean of silky skin? Even those parts on the male body that most of us find sexy are inherently feminine: bulbous pectorals, curvaceous shoulders and biceps, and a smooth, symmetrical jaw line. To recoil from such beauty because you feel like your husband is getting a free pass at seeing another chick naked suggests that you might not be as liberal as you're letting on.

Study after study has shown that people of all genders become aroused by graphic sexual imagery. Wanting to screw is a natural response to seeing other people screw. Desire for sex dictates everything we do on a day-to-day basis, and having sex is the only way we will survive as a species. Sex is truly the only reason we exist, making it the most fundamental element of that existence. Because of this fact, it stands to reason that sexual imagery is everywhere: music, movies, television, video games, advertising, product packaging, you name it. Just the idea of sex stimulates us and motivates us to carry out actions. Implied sex, in particular, gets our attention -- be it consciously or subconsciously -- which is why nearly every form of visual entertainment we consume has a healthy dose of flesh.

So what's wrong with your nudie receptors? Maybe you have a deeply buried insecurity about some part of your body, maybe you busted your dad watching a porno when you were a kid, I don't know. What I do know is that there are far more offensive things to worry about, like McDonald's product placement in nearly every movie or that Lay's commercial where a family is gathered around a bowl of chips, gleefully digging in. Sex is a healthy, intimate act (in general) and the actors on the screen are merely giving you something to relate to: the same intimacy you share with your husband.

Q: I'm a hetero woman. I've recently discovered that I really dig porn, but the only easily accessible porn I've found online has been for men. Can you recommend some good porn sites for women that don't require you to sign up with your e-mail address? I don't really like erotica -- I'm just not into anything too cheesy or narrative. I like everything about "regular" porn except it's hard to find certain things that a woman might find sexy.

A: Check out the book "The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn" by Violet Blue. Rather than writing an encyclopedia of URLs and DVD titles that might appeal to women, Blue fills the pages of her how-to with useful information on selecting which types of porn will appeal to you, not to mention specific tips like how to spot a quality movie in the store vs. a crappy one, and instructions on using programs like iPhoto to assemble a personalized porn gallery. From there, I recommend fleshbot.com, a Gawker blog that combs the Web for the best free material every day.