Alexis on the Sexes: Dirty old man

Q: My wife and I have been together for 10 years. I'm 42, she's 40. I would say we have a pretty healthy sex life, and based on her words she is very satisfied with my performance. In the first three years of our relationship it was hot and heavy sex almost every day. As time went by sex became less frequent for the typical reasons -- busy schedules or whatever. While the frequency of sex slowed, my desire has not. My wife was quite surprised when she found out that I used the Astrolube (if you know what I mean) almost every day that we didn't have sex and even some of the days that we did. She says that it's not normal for a guy my age to want to release that much, and that my libido is that of a 20-year-old. I'm the only 42-year-old she's been with, so what evidence does she have to base her opinion on? I've been like this ever since I first discovered how good it feels to orgasm, and I think it's a good thing to have a strong, healthy drive.

I've talked with several guys who all say that they're laying pipe like mad, but this could just be guy-to-guy macho talk. I would prefer an orgasm in some way, be it through intercourse, BJ, hand job or masturbation, at least six out of seven days. Is it "not normal" for a 42-year-old man to want his rocks off this much? What's so damn wrong with being horny?

A: Your wife may be comparing your masturbation habits with those of other 42-year-old men, but she's also comparing them to her own. Various studies come up with slightly differing numbers, but overall, they conclude that men rub one out a hell of a lot more often than women do. It's science: Fresh sperm is best for making babies. You guys have to clean the pipes every two or three days to flush out old sperm cells that are losing their motility and can't make the journey to the egg. The lifespan of a sperm cell is only four to six days, and by day three the little guy is already starting to look pretty decrepit.

Women don't need to flush and refill our reproductive reservoirs because we're born with a lifetime supply of egg cells. Actually, we're born with more than 1 million of them, but a natural degenerative process called atresia kills off more than half of those cells by the time we hit puberty. We then continue to lose about 1,000 egg cells each month, ending up with a more or less perfect number to keep us fertile from our first period all the way to menopause. Ain't biology cool?

Once you've explained the ins and outs of reproductive health to your wife, remind her that you masturbate because it feels good. It's better than just about anything -- sadly, it's sometimes better than the real thing -- plus it's free and doesn't require others. As long as your masturbatory habits aren't interfering with your sex life, there's nothing wrong with getting off as often as you do. You might even try encouraging her to ramp up her own randiness. Masturbation tends to keep sex on the brain; if she has wifey time on a more frequent basis, the two of you are likely to mess up the sheets more often. Browse the Top Picks section on libida.com, the porn site geared toward women, and buy a DVD or two that you know she'll like. If she's a reader, Cleis Press is the authority on sex books of all kinds, from how-to manuals to hardcore BDSM erotica (cleispress.com).

Q: Why do women need to hear a guy ask her out three times before she says yes, even if she says she has a boyfriend (another ploy)?

A: I shouldn't be the one to have to tell you this, but no means no. If you have to ask a girl out at least three times before she gives in, she's not all that interested. Stick with the ones that say yes on the first go-around, and make sure they don't have boyfriends.