Wait, you live in Minnesota and you're surprised it's going to get cold? "Paul, I thought El Niño and global warming would keep us mild all winter long!" Winter will be shorter and milder overall, but a few Siberian slaps here are like gravity, taxes and soul-sucking commutes: inevitable.

According to the Minnesota DNR, there has never been a winter where Minneapolis-St. Paul hasn't gone below zero at least twice. On average, the first subzero low in the Twin Cities comes Dec. 8; the latest was Jan. 18, 2012. By my calculations we'll finally dip below zero Saturday night, Jan. 9, the eighth-latest subzero low since 1872.

On average we have 23 subzero nights each winter. We'll enjoy three next week, but I'd bet a stale corn dog we'll get fewer than 10 for the entire winter.

One to two inches of slushy snow may fall today. Temps tumble through the teens Saturday and stay below zero most of Sunday, with a windchill dipping to -25 during the morning. Tuesday looks just as cold — but you'll be amazed how good 30 feels next Thursday. Time to get our Winter Mojo back!