Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.
CP: Now that you finally have gotten over to the renovated Uptown Theatre for a movie, I'm guessing you may have thoughts.
RN: You bet I do, and yes, we're beating this subject to a bloody pulp, as the Yuptown occupies a very special place in the Twin Cities' cinematic firmament. Where shall we start: the good, or the bad, or the downright ugly?
CP: I don't think there's much disagreement about the good: handsome Moderne landmark avoids wrecking ball and renews lease on life as movie house in heart of lively commercial, dining and nightlife district.
RN: Agreed. I adore seeing the theater's beacon acting, once again, like Uptown's calling card. That big new screen is pretty swell, too, as is the high-fidelity digital format.
CP: Perhaps best of all are the sturdy, comfy new seats. My derrière is happier than a pothead in Boulder.
RN: I was looking for the La-Z-Boy label, seriously. The newfound legroom is another major plus. No wonder Uptown 2.0 has fewer than half the seats of its cramped predecessor.
CP: Can we go negative now? Please?
RN: Preservationists might find the new balcony stairs -- now inside the theater, rather than the lobby -- an awkward affront to the original 1939 design.
CP: Seems sad that the balcony seats -- always a primo spot to rest one's feet on the railing, even perhaps to make out -- is now over-21 only, and up-charged, since it has bar service.
RN: I'm all for the new reserved seating plan, but after waiting in line for more than 20 minutes with some uncharacteristically pushy Minnesotans -- it takes far too long for wishy-washy moviegoers to select their seats -- I learned a valuable lesson: Purchase online.
CP: Yes. We bought online tickets for "The Sessions," and thus were able to bypass the queue, head straight in and see Helen Hunt get naked, I dunno, nine times.
RN: I should have looked so good at age 49.
CP: But the Uptown's lobby? So hurtful to the eyes.
RN: The password is hideous. Those limes and oranges had to have been selected from the Sunday Comics section at Hirshfield's, and the harsh lighting doesn't do bald men -- or, let's face it, the vast majority of Caucasians -- any favors.
CP: Second that emotion. I guess the floor is stone of some kind, but stone that was handpicked to mimic linoleum? Seems like $2 million doesn't get you much these days.
RN: Sometimes I wonder if there is no pleasing us. I mean, the staff seemed to be extra-nice, the restrooms no longer resemble the "before" pictures on "Bath Crashers," and those of legal age can enjoy a local craft beer while trying to discern what Anna sees in that twerp Vronsky in "Anna Karenina."
CP: There you go, selling your approval for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut.
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