The Recording Academy gives out the Grammys. Here’s our alternative take on the night:

Raitt act

A surprised looking Bonnie Raitt blurted that she wasn’t expecting to win best Americana album for “Slipstream.” “I have enough [Grammys],” she said. “This is the that same face I wore that other time [when she won four awards in 1990, including album of the year for her comeback album ‘Nick of Time’]. To have this third bloom [in my career] is amazing.”

Best makeover

Though he’s known for his ever-present stocking cap, Zac Brown wore a snappy fedora as he and his band snared the award for best country album, for “Uncaged.”

Lo point

Pitbull teased co-presenter Jennifer Lopez, saying she was the inspiration for CBS’s dress-code announcement Thursday, warning against outfits that revealed too much skin. She modeled her one-bare-leg and one-bare-arm dress and declared, “So you can see, I read the memo.” And she got her Grammy moment.

Life of the party

Jay-Z was sitting between Beyoncé (his wife) and Jessica Biel (Justin Timberlake’s wife). And he won three Grammys (with Kanye West, who didn’t attend). Hova had a good night.

Missing mister

Even though Kanye was a no-show, newcomer Frank Ocean still showed him proper respect when they shared a trophy for best rap/sung collaboration with Jay-Z and The-Dream. “Thank this guy,” Ocean said, pointing to Jay-Z, and “Mr. West.”

Prince charming

When Gotye claimed his award for record of the year for “Somebody That I Used to Know,” the Aussie pop star seemed more excited to be meeting Prince, the presenter, than receiving the Grammy. “I’m a little bit lost for words from the man standing behind us,” Gotye said. Prince didn’t shake hands with either Gotye or Kimbra, who is featured on the hit. But he did declare, when announcing the winner, “Oh, I love this song.”

Keeping her cool

When Ellen DeGeneres and Beyoncé introduced Timberlake’s performance, the talk show host flirted with the diva, who seems to be everywhere these days. Beyoncé appeared to lose her composure as Ellen made goo-goo eyes at her but still managed to announce, “This is a Grammy moment” — meaning J.T., not her and Ellen.