Hold fast, American patriots, we have been flimflammed by the French!

After a day or so of intimate bromancing between President Donald Trump and visiting French President Emmanuel Macron, the sneaky Franco-fiend stood before a joint session of Congress on Wednesday and spoke out against most of the things our great and honorable and humble and amazing president holds dear.

Macron denounced nationalism and isolationism. He acknowledged the threat of climate change and predicted the United States would rejoin the Paris climate accord. He vowed to stick with the Iran nuclear deal. He even criticized trade wars, which are one of our president’s most favorite things in the world.

What a turncoat!

Less than 24 hours before all this, Macron was shaking hands with Trump and kissing him on the cheek. They planted a tree on the White House lawn together. Macron even put up with Trump brushing some dandruff off his shoulder, a powerful sign of friendship if ever there was one.

There was a lovely state dinner at the White House. EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO PERFECTLY!!

And how does Macron respond? He gets up in front of Congress and all the world and tosses Trump’s core beliefs in the garbage like a box of day-old croissants.

Remember, our beloved president stands for one thing above all others: America first!

So what does President Frenchy haul off and say during his speech? “I am convinced that if we decide to open our eyes wider, we will be stronger. We will overcome the dangers; we will not let the work of extreme nationalism shake a world full of hope for greater prosperity.”

Easy there, froggy. Extreme nationalism is kind of Trump’s bread and butter.

Macron continued: “I do not share the fascination for new strong powers, the abandonment of freedom and the illusion of nationalism.”

It would’ve been nice if you had told our president about that YESTERDAY so he could have booted you out of the White House, avoided the daylong cuddle-fest and gotten back to work on making America great again.


On climate change, which President Trump has clearly indicated is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese, Macron said: “We are killing our planet. Let’s face it: There is no Planet B.”

Wrong! I’m sure Trump is hard at work on a Planet B, and it will be the greatest Planet B anyone has ever seen, and many people will be saying so.

Macron, who clearly used his youthful good looks and sly French charm to temporarily hypnotize Trump, added: “I am sure one day the U.S. will come back and rejoin the Paris climate agreement.”

Yeah, right. Nice try, bub.

But the insults didn’t stop there.

On trade wars, Macron said: “A commercial war is not consistent with our mission, with our history, with our current commitment for global security. At the end of the day, it will destroy jobs, increase prices and the middle class will have to pay for it.”

That flies directly in the face of President Trump’s belief that trade wars are good and easy to win.

On the Iran nuclear deal that Trump wants to abandon because he considers it “insane” and “ridiculous,” Marcon said: “We signed it, at the initiative of the United States. We signed it, both the United States and France. That is why we cannot say we should get rid of it like that.”

Why you ungrateful little .

Macron’s insolence in the face of Trump’s overwhelming hospitality and awesomeness leaves America with no choice but to institute a nationwide ban on French people.

They clearly can’t be trusted and are nothing but a bunch of backstabbing, small-portion-eating, beret-tolerant meanies.

We can’t just sit back and allow a young, handsome, intelligent, well-spoken, reasonable foreign leader to traipse into our country, pretend he’s best buds with our patriotically dull-witted, monosyllabic, hungry-for-validation president and then, as soon as he’s out of dandruff-brushing range, denounce all our president’s extremely unpopular and poorly thought out views. It’s just wrong.

I didn’t spend $25 plus tax on an official Make America Great Again hat just so some fancy French dude could come along and make me feel embarrassed.

We must never forget this verbal attack on our country. We must isolate ourselves from the Fibbin’ French, return to using the term “Freedom Fries” and always remember where we were on the day Macron turned his back on our president by saying things most of the civilized world agrees are true.

Good luck finding another world leader willing to hold your hand and brush dandruff off your shoulder, Macron. This beautiful friendship is OVER!