Friends Without Jobs
A few weeks ago I read an article in Slate Magazine written by Emily Bazelon entitled. “The Recession Wrecks Friendships: One friend gets poorer, the other stays the same.” I remember thinking, the recession sucks, but can we blame it for everything?”
I have always been class conscious in my friendships. I was the first to introduce a second income, and for many of my friends that still hasn’t happened. Not only that, for the last five years I’ve had a job that you can’t be fired from.
That said, I usually try not to pick the venue if I’m getting together with my “crew.” We are a mixture of women ranging in age from 33-42. I know some better than others, and I am the last one to be invited into this group of ya ya sisterhood.
We feel comfortable enough together to discuss ageing parents, a recent divorce, a difficult foster child, and a client that the judge threw the book at. The 800 pound gorilla at the table is the lost job.
I’ve known three of these four women for at least six years. We can talk about failed relationships, but not being downsized? I wondered if I was the only one that noticed. As I said, I am the new one to the group, so I didn’t assume that I am privy to conversations between the other members.
The next morning my husband asked me how my get together went. I told him that we laughed, ate, and drank, and that I had found my own Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.
That night I got a call from the one woman in the group who makes more than I do. She asked, “The income gap, it’s starting to matter, isn’t it?”
I didn’t know what to say.
Bazelon argues that “when it comes to friendship, it seems like money is an important catalyst, the glass of wine that takes the edge off. No wonder it’s hard to make do with less of it.”
Ten years ago I would have called Bazelon cynical, but the distance between 30 and 40 is a Grand Canyon gap of reality. I have been able to maintain friendships across the married/single divide, the mommy/childless divide, straight/lesbian divide, the racial divide and the 6-12/plus size divide; but we have all had jobs. Once you introduce unemployment and its consequences, friendships suffer.
So, getting back to my friend who asked me if it was going to matter, I finally got the courage to respond.
“Yes, I think it will.”
“But what do we do?’ she asked.
To be honest, I’m not sure. What do we do? This is where I seek you, the reader’s advice. If it’s not possible to help, and there doesn’t look like there’s a job in the near future, how do we support our friends without it being awkward?
I have always been class conscious in my friendships. I was the first to introduce a second income, and for many of my friends that still hasn’t happened. Not only that, for the last five years I’ve had a job that you can’t be fired from.
That said, I usually try not to pick the venue if I’m getting together with my “crew.” We are a mixture of women ranging in age from 33-42. I know some better than others, and I am the last one to be invited into this group of ya ya sisterhood.
We feel comfortable enough together to discuss ageing parents, a recent divorce, a difficult foster child, and a client that the judge threw the book at. The 800 pound gorilla at the table is the lost job.
I’ve known three of these four women for at least six years. We can talk about failed relationships, but not being downsized? I wondered if I was the only one that noticed. As I said, I am the new one to the group, so I didn’t assume that I am privy to conversations between the other members.
The next morning my husband asked me how my get together went. I told him that we laughed, ate, and drank, and that I had found my own Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.
That night I got a call from the one woman in the group who makes more than I do. She asked, “The income gap, it’s starting to matter, isn’t it?”
I didn’t know what to say.
Bazelon argues that “when it comes to friendship, it seems like money is an important catalyst, the glass of wine that takes the edge off. No wonder it’s hard to make do with less of it.”
Ten years ago I would have called Bazelon cynical, but the distance between 30 and 40 is a Grand Canyon gap of reality. I have been able to maintain friendships across the married/single divide, the mommy/childless divide, straight/lesbian divide, the racial divide and the 6-12/plus size divide; but we have all had jobs. Once you introduce unemployment and its consequences, friendships suffer.
So, getting back to my friend who asked me if it was going to matter, I finally got the courage to respond.
“Yes, I think it will.”
“But what do we do?’ she asked.
To be honest, I’m not sure. What do we do? This is where I seek you, the reader’s advice. If it’s not possible to help, and there doesn’t look like there’s a job in the near future, how do we support our friends without it being awkward?
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