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The Hunt Down


Name: J. D. Durbin
Nickname: The Real Deal. Bestowed upon him by his Gulf Coast League teammates in 2000; the comments to this Philadelphia Weekly blog post about Durbin beg to differ with this account and most everything in the public record about him. Sample: “…spend all your time writing CRAP about people you know NOTHING about?” Trisha Yearwood is also mentioned.
Claim to Fame, Minnesota: a top pitching prospect in the Twins farm system for years (and a roommate of Joe Mauer’s), Durbin finally made the bigs in September of 2004, pitching in four games and starting one. That was the extent of his professional baseball career in Minnesota, as he never left the minors in 2005 or 2006, and was claimed off waivers by Arizona in the spring of 2007.
Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: the most national notoriety he ever received, such as it is, involved a 2007 Deadspin post that featured him wearing a cooler and discussed the obscene url of his MySpace account (like I said, 2007). 
Where He Is Now: after kicking around the minors for awhile (your Albuquerque Isotopes here, your Lehigh Valley IronPigs there), Durbin caught on with the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks in 2010. 
Is He on Twitter: No.
Glorious Randomness: the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks, besides boasting an owner that apparently provides the softest banking in the Far East, also have an array of Hawk mascots. You’re probably wondering if they have names and backstories. Yes, dear reader. Yes, they do. From the Wikipedia link, a sampling:
  • “Harry Hawk-a yellow colored hawk with Number 100, Harry supports the team as the main mascot. He is the youngest brother of Homer Hawk, the former main mascot.”
  • “Harculy Hawk-an orange based hawk (NOTE FROM STU: how can America compete in the global economy when the Japanese have winged citrus?) with Number 200, Harculy is Harry's teammate as well as his longstanding rival since Hawk University days.”
  • “Honkey Hawk- a middle aged hawk, Honkey is Harry's uncle, and the mayor of Hawks Town. He loves Baseball. (NOTE FROM STU: I have nothing to add.)”
  • “Helen Hawk- a middle aged female hawk, Helen is Honkey's wife. They have eloped during their high school days. (NOTE FROM STU: Good to know!)”

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