The fantasy reality: Don't ask me. I just work here

Matt Garza just pitched Tampa Bay into the World Series. The stock market has shriveled up to half its size. Guns N' Roses has a new CD. The Gophers are 6-1. ...

And you expect us to tell you who might rush for 100 yards Sunday? Yeah, right. Joe the Plumber maybe? Ratchet the Dog? Save your 50 cents and grab a dart from now on. The predicting business has never been so brutal. Our fantasy football confidence is sliding faster than our 401(k). Last week we told you to start a running back who ended up sitting out and to avoid a guy who caught his second TD in as many weeks. And yes, we were sober.

Up is down, left is right. Peyton's average. Eli's good. LenDale White can make it 80 yards without puking. Tight ends are worthless. Ronnie Brown, that guy who was supposed to lose his job to Bob Marley, won't stop scoring touchdowns. Kickers have to be senior citizens to be good (Jason Elam, John Carney). ... We need Vince Lombardi to make a comeback (now that would be unpredictable) and holler out his famous "What the hell is going on out here?"

If you would've asked us at the beginning of the season which players currently in the top eight in scoring we were excited about, we would've said one. One out of eight ain't bad -- if you're asking out supermodels. Yep, Jay Cutler, we saw you comin'. We were warm on Clinton Portis, Tony Romo, Kurt Warner and Drew Brees. The others? Zero interest. There's even a rumor going around that we told people to stay away from top gun Aaron Rodgers and his "unfriendly" QB schedule.

So there's a slice of honesty for you. That probably seems a bit unexpected during this intense, honesty free campaign season. But unexpected is how we roll now. It's how everybody rolls. Especially Ratchet.

TOP 8 SCORERS

1. Aaron Rodgers

2. Philip Rivers

3. Clinton Portis

4. Kurt Warner

5. Drew Brees

6. Jay Cutler

7. Tony Romo

8. Ronnie Brown

THE LINE whom to start Week 7: 1-2-1 • Season: 9-8-5

OK, done ranting. And we didn't mean that thing we said about the 50 cents. We love your 50 cents. Let's get back to doing what we don't do best ...

Willis McGahee -3 over Deuce McAllister It makes total sense that Deuce would come on strong with Reggie Bush out. And that's exactly why we're against him. (Unpredictable, remember?) Deuce is an OK bet, but we're going with McGahee and calling him a fantasy starter again.

Matt Ryan -2 over Eli Manning  300 yards and 0 INTs vs. Chicago before his bye. Go with the kid. Eli at Pittsburgh = bench.

Calvin Johnson -2 over Chad Johnson + T.J. Houshmanzadeh Two grabs, 154 yards. A very unpredictable 77-yard avg. last week for Calvin. Sell all your Bungles.