Is it 2008 yet? Has anyone else been very close to going Ron Artest on their remote control on Sunday afternoons? This season is so upside down, we've gone ahead and just planned on Priest Holmes finishing with 1,000 yards and 12 TDs. Owners atop their standings are winning weeks with guys such as Braylon Edwards and Derek Anderson and wondering when they're going to turn into pumpkins. And winless owners are trudging out the venerable fantasy line: "I still like my team better than anyone else's in our league!" This season has degenerated from weird to Bill Cowher-foaming-at-the-mouth crazy. Let's review the top scorers so far, along with our preseason thoughts, if only because we enjoy beating our heads repeatedly against the wall:
QB: Tom Brady. Sure, we'll see a bump in his numbers, but he's still Tom Brady. All victories, no stats. Let's be generous and give him the No. 3 QB slot. But don't expect him to do anything outrageous, like throw more TDs than the Manning Brothers combined.
RB1: Adrian Peterson. Sorry, we're not big fans of rookies, especially ones who have to share the backfield with a guy who posted over 1,400 total yards last year. RB2: Joseph Addai. Has some potential, but we're not ready to take him over sure-thing guys such as Shaun Alexander, Frank Gore, Rudi Johnson or MVP favorite Steven Jackson.
WR1: Randy Moss. 2006's most disappointing fantasy player in our book, so no thanks. WR2: T.J. Houshmandzadeh. This is the season Chad Johnson really establishes himself as the league's next elite receiver.
TE: Jason Witten. If you're feeling generous, a top-10 tight end. But he's probably not even worth drafting in WR3/TE leagues.
K: Rob Bironas. Who's Tennessee's kicker again? Oh never mind, I'll take Olindo Mare instead; the Saints are gonna come flyin' out of the gate!
D: Detroit. Not unless they're the last ones left.
THE LINE LAST WEEK: 2-1 / SEASON: 14-11-3
All Bills -7 over All Browns
Cleveland is this year's fantasy darling, but this Pittsburgh team is nasty at home. Here's hoping Buffalo's road woes end in Miami, where most road woes do end.
Marc Bulger -2 over Joey Harrington
Need a pickup to sub for Brady? First choice is J.P. Losman if he's available, followed by these two. Harrington put up 361 and two vs. Carolina in Week 3.
Justin Fargas -1 over Ced Benson
If Benson can't get it done coming off a bye vs. Oakland's bad rush defense, dump him.
SEEKING AP STORIES
We're the one exception to the "no one wants to hear about your fantasy league!" rule. Tell us how Adrian Peterson has affected your league. Write us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Chris Carr email@example.com
|Chicago Cubs - LP: J. Russell||4||FINAL|
|Pittsburgh - WP: W. Rodriguez||5|
|Detroit - WP: M. Scherzer||5||FINAL|
|Cleveland - LP: C. Kluber||1|
|NY Yankees - LP: V. Nuno||2||FINAL|
|Baltimore - WP: J. Johnson||3|
|Tampa Bay - WP: A. Cobb||4||FINAL|
|Toronto - LP: R. Ortiz||3|
|Cincinnati - WP: M. Leake||4||FINAL|
|NY Mets - LP: J. Niese||0|
|Philadelphia - WP: T. Cloyd||7||FINAL|
|Miami - LP: D. Below||3|
|Minnesota - LP: B. Duensing||4||FINAL|
|Atlanta - WP: C. Kimbrel||5|
|Oakland - WP: D. Straily||1||FINAL|
|Texas - LP: Y. Darvish||0|
|Los Angeles - LP: Z. Greinke||2||FINAL|
|Milwaukee - WP: M. Fiers||5|
|Boston - LP: F. Doubront||1||FINAL|
|Chicago WSox - WP: J. Quintana||3|
|Kansas City - WP: B. Chen||7||FINAL|
|Houston - LP: P. Clemens||3|
|Arizona - LP: M. Reynolds||4||FINAL|
|Colorado - WP: W. Lopez||5|
|Seattle - LP: A. Harang||0||FINAL|
|LA Angels - WP: J. Williams||12|
|St. Louis - WP: A. Wainwright||10||FINAL|
|San Diego - LP: E. Volquez||2|
|Washington - LP: Y. Maya||2||FINAL|
|San Francisco - WP: J. Affeldt||4|
|Aug 9 - vs. Houston||7 pm|
|Aug 16 - at Buffalo||6 pm|
|Aug 25 - at San Francisco||7 pm|
|Aug 29 - vs. Tennessee||7 pm|
|2013 regular season|
|Sep 8 - at Detroit||Noon|
|Sep 15 - at Chicago||Noon|
|Sep 22 - vs. Cleveland||Noon|
|Sep 29 - vs. Pittsburgh (in London)||Noon|
|Oct 6 - Bye|
|Oct 13 - vs. Carolina||Noon|
|Oct 21 - at. NY Giants||7:40 pm|
|Oct 27 - vs. Green Bay||7:30 pm|
|Nov 3 - at Dallas||Noon|
|Nov 7 - vs. Washington||7:25 pm|
|Nov 17 - at Seattle||3:25 pm|
|Nov. 24 - at Green Bay||Noon|
|Dec 1 - vs. Chicago||Noon|
|Dec 8 - at Baltimore||Noon|
|Dec 15 - vs. Philadelphia||Noon|
|Dec 22 - at Cincinnati||Noon|
|Dec 29 - vs. Detroit||Noon|