Craig's List: Lions finally have a prayer

So God is a Lions fan.

If that's the case, I have two questions for Him:

1) Why is your 2-0 team a 6-point underdog against Philadelphia's 0-2 squad?

And ...

2) Where ya been since 1957?

I'd also ask:

1) Is there any way you could have Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya speed up those ESPN sideline reports? Either that, or point the camera over one of their shoulders so we can watch the Saints-Titans game on Monday night?

2) If ESPN goes with another one of those two- quarter Jim Belushi interviews, can you have ESPN point a camera at the field, so we can watch the, um, Saints-Titans game?

3) Is there any way you can just move the Saints- Titans game to NBC?

IND -6 at HOU: Colts by 7. The Colts are 16-2 in September under Tony Dungy, once again putting him at the top of Joel Maturi's wish list.

SD -5 at GB: Chargers by 3. Riding a six-game winning streak, Brett Favre announces he will retire ... in 2017.

DET +6 at PHI: Eagles by 9. Name That Miracle: A, Peace in the Middle East. B, Eternal life. C, The Lions going 3-0!

BUF +16½ at NE: Patriots by 13. Things an opposing coach should say to Bill Belichick right about now: A, Everybody does it, Bill; B, I love that sweatshirt on you; C, Have you lost weight?

MIA +3 at NYJ: Jets by 6. Eric Mangini is 2-0 against the Dolphins. Cam Cameron is probably just happy he isn't playing the Patriots.

SF +9 at PIT: Steelers by 7. As "Monday Night Football's" Tony Kornheiser pointed out earlier in the week, the 49ers and Redskins are 2-0, and O.J. is in jail. I suddenly feel 10 years younger.

ARI +8 at BAL: Ravens by 3. Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt won his first game last week, moving him within striking distance of the franchise record for career victories.

STL +3 ½ at TB: Rams by 3. The Rams are 9-1 when Steven Jackson runs for at least 100 yards. Of course, that's before the Rams let him take his vacation during the preseason.

JAC +3 at DEN: Broncos by 7. Denver is 2-0 in the post-Brewster era.

CIN +3½ at SEA: Seahawks by 7. Chad Johnson leads the NFL with 304 receiving yards and overall happiness while losing games 51-45.

CLE +3 at OAK: Raiders by 6. How in the world can I whiff on Derek Anderson as last week's Goat of the Week prediction? That was a sure thing. A lock. Gophers vs. Florida Atl ...

CAR -3½ at ATL: Falcons by 3. Two teams -- the 1993 Cowboys and the 2001 Pats -- have won a Super Bowl after starting 0-2. Pretty sure the Falcons won't be the third.

NYG +3½ at WAS: Redskins by 7. Joe Gibbs is about to go 3-0. I suddenly feel 20 years younger.

DAL +3 at CHI: Bears by 7. Dear Donovan: Sorry to hear you're being criticized so darn much. I can only imagine what terrible pain you must be experiencing. Sincerely, R. Grossman.

TEN +4 at NO: Saints by 3. The Saints look like the old Aints. Man, I suddenly feel darn near 30 years younger.

UPSET SPECIAL

MN +3 at KC: Vikings 13, Chiefs 10. Chiefs QB Damon Huard is 6-0 at home. Vikings QB Nunyadarnbusiness is ... actually, that's classified information, so get lost, punk.

Last week's Upset Special: Picked Dolphins at home against Dallas. Final: Cowboys 37, Dolphins 20. Season record: 1-1.

SEASON TRACKER

Last week

9-7 / 8-7-1 vs. spread

Season record

21-10 / 15-13-3 vs. spread