Frequent contributor Jon Marthaler has written about virtually every sport in the Twin Cities, and fills in on Saturdays for the RandBall blog on StarTribune.com. He'll cover the professional soccer scene in the Twin Cities, whether at the Metrodome or at the National Sports Center.

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Posts about Europe

Catching up with United president Nick Rogers - in England

Posted by: Jon Marthaler Updated: March 10, 2014 - 8:51 AM

Matlock town advertises their match against United.

Minnesota United is currently into the first two days of their preseason training trip to England; the team arrived in the UK on Saturday, trained at Derby County yesterday, and is playing a friendly against lower-division side Matlock Town FC this afternoon. Paul Duncan, Special Sections Editor for the Star Tribune, is currently back home in England visiting family, and will be reporting on Minnesota United's preseason tour for SoccerCentric.

Duncan caught up with United team president Nick Rogers on Sunday, as the team trained at Derby.

Paul Duncan: Nick, welcome to England! How are things going?
Nick Rogers: So far so good! We got in Saturday afternoon, got settled and started training right away. We toured the facilities at St George's Park [England's national football center, where the team are staying] which are fabulous, and now we're out here at Derby County doing some training.

PD: How are you dealing with the jet lag?
NR: We had a flight at 9 p.m. on Friday which I think helped some of the guys to sleep on the plane. The travel can be tough on the athletes so we [had a training session on Saturday afternoon] just to blow the cobwebs off. It was good to get that one out of the way!

PD: Tell us how you ended up coming here in the first place.
NR: Well, last season's preseason trip was not so successful. We ended up going to Kansas City and the weather was horrible, we didn't get outside once and didn't play on grass the entire preseason. This preseason we said we were going to do something different. We ended up first going out to L.A. The Derby thing came about through relationships we have [with Derby's American and Canadian owners].

PD: Apart from the "cool" factor of coming to England, something the players have never done before, what do you think is the value of this trip to you as a team?

NR: If you want to be good at something you need to challenge yourself and expose yourself to different ideas. We play in a certain way in the United States and you come here and you get to see the game played differently. Also it's going to be beneficial to form long-term relationships with clubs in England and other places in Europe. We're always looking for the next great player and you never know where that player's going to come from. ... And it's just nice to get away from the distractions and have the guys get to know each other. Number one this is about us getting ready for the season that's about to happen and to be successful.

We want to see how things are done here. We're out of our comfort zone and it's nice to expose yourself to new ideas about things that you take for granted.

PD: You've only been in town for two days, but what kind of reception have you had?
NR: We are the first American club team to visit St George's, and that's a distinction we're proud of. Everybody at St George's has been very welcoming.

PD: Do you find yourself translating soccer to football or football to soccer?
NR: It depends on the audience you're talking to! I've noticed more and more Americans refer to themselves as "footballers". The English called it "soccer" for a long long time!

PD: The English tease the Americans about calling it "soccer" but they're the ones who started it!
NR: I've been calling it "football" all along!

United's match against Matlock Town kicks off at 2:45pm Central time today.

Matlock Town's stadium.

Nuclear Wessel: Your Premier League viewing guide

Posted by: Jon Marthaler Updated: March 7, 2014 - 3:26 PM

Dana Wessel produces the K-TWIN Morning Show on 96.3 K-TWIN Monday-Friday 5:30am-10:00am. The show is hosted by Cane Peterson and Eric Perkins/Rena Sarigianopoulos of KARE 11. Dana is here every week to educate us on the Premier League. Dana?


I hope seven days has been enough time for everyone to recover from the face-rearranging awesomeness that was the THE RETURN OF THE NUCLEAR WESSEL HOT SPORTS TAKES ATOMIC EPL POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUFFALO WINGS. Back to (somewhat) business as usual here on the soccer blog that everyone* is reading. There are a couple of FA Cup quarterfinals this weekend that we'll include in this preview, as well.

*my close friends, family and random people on Facebook who accidently click on it while trying to take the the BuzzFeed ‘Which Fraggle Rock Character Do You Look The Most Like?’ quiz.

I was going to write about the US Men's National Team, but I’d rather have all my ex-girlfriends tell embarrassing stories about me to a Super Bowl-sized audience than ever talk about the USMNT’s unwatchable 2-0 loss to Ukraine. A known associate of mine who I correspond with after every US match just sent one message afterwards. “I’ve got nothing.” And neither do I! Moving on!

The quarterfinals of the FA Cup are being held over the weekend, along with five Premier League matches. It’s that time of year where everybody is sitting on a different number of matches played. It makes the table a bit kittywampus. (Name me another soccer column that uses ‘kittywampus’ to describe the uneven number of matches played. I dare you. Seriously. Find one. I'll buy you a beer.)

Currently, Chelsea are on top with 63 points. Liverpool and Arsenal have identical records, with 'Pool ahead on goal differential. Bringing up fourth is Manchester City, with 57 points but two fewer matches played than the rest of the top four.

No. 3: Arsenal vs Everton at Emirates Stadium in the FA Cup quarterfinals
When: Saturday at 6:45AM on Fox Sports 1 and FoxSoccer2Go.com
Last year: This is the third time they have met in the FA Cup, with the most recent coming in a 1981 Everton victory. These two haven’t played each other yet this season in the Premier League, with both matches still to come in March and April. Correction: The two teams played to a 1-1 draw in early December.

This is a very intriguing matchup, especially seeing as these two haven’t played each other yet this season. For Arsenal, Jack Wilshere is out for six weeks because of a foot injury picked up in the international friendly on Wednesday. My distaste for Arsenal aside, you never want to see a player like that getting hurt at this point of the season, especially in a friendly. Arsenal’s title hopes have already blew out a couple engines but this might be the blow that sends the plane into the mountains.

When I was looking at this match I was trying to figure out who this match and continued run at the Cup means more to. On one hand, you have Arsenal looking to finally add a trophy to the Emirates trophy cabinet after nine long years. It may not be the league trophy, and it certainly isn’t the one with big ears, but after nine years, beggars can’t be choosers. If nothing else, winning this FA Cup would stop all the ‘XXXX number of days since Arsenal last won a trophy’ memes that get retweeted every seven minutes.

You know this means a lot to the players, fans, and especially Arsene Wenger, who has gotten his name tarred and feathered more often than he deserves. The expectations for Arsenal heading into this season were pretty low. I even predicted they wouldn’t finish top four (with Spurs only six points back, that isn’t out of the question). I think if you asked any Arsenal fan before the season started, they would have considered winning an FA Cup a success.

On the other hand, Everton would be overjoyed to get to Wembley for the semi-finals. Winners of the Cup in 1995 and runners up in 2009, it would be quite the thrill for the Toffees, who entered this season with Roberto Martinez as manager after David Moyes bailed to go hang out with the popular kids at Manchester United.

No. 2: Chelsea vs Tottenham at Stamford Bridge
When: Saturday at 11:30AM on NBC Sports Network
Last year: Spurs were able to notch a late 2-2 draw at Stamford Bridge in the 80th minute last season, rallying to equalize on two separate occasions. Spurs have actually managed two draws in their last four matches at the Bridge.

Chelsea have the opportunity to go seven points clear at the top of the table with a win Saturday against London rival Spurs. That number is inflated since the rest of the top four are either off this weekend or playing in the FA Cup, but as they say, you’ll take points in the bank rather than games in the hand any day.

Spurs are still very much on the outside looking in at the top four, but banking a point or three at Stamford Bridge would be massive to get them back in the picture. Three points will be a tall task for Spurs; they have not won at Stamford Bridge since 1990, a span of 26 matches.

The problem for Spurs is that they score as often as Steve Carell in the first 125 minutes of 40-Year Old Virgin (running time 133 minutes; I guesstimate on the occasional soccer fact but I will never hang you out to dry on a movie fact). They have scored 37 league goals in 28 matches so far. To put that into perspective, Manchester City have scored 69 goals. 14th place Swansea has also scored 37 goals. The fact that Spurs are in fifth place with 37 goals scored and 33 conceded is a bit of an oddity.

Chelsea have conceded the fewest goals in the league and rarely let one in at home, and Jose Mourinho has his team playing well. The Blues haven’t lost in the league since December 7th, and the chance to add more points to their lead is more than enough motivation to get up for a London derby.

These are two teams that you aren’t likely to see grabbing wings together after a match. (And not just because I don’t know if they eat buffalo wings in England. Do they? Anyway, I just didn't want to use the "two teams that don’t like each other" cliche.)

The Chelsea fans hang out at Brit's Pub. The Spurs fans hang out at the Local just down the street. I propose a West Side Story dance-off at halftime. We both walk down Nicollet Avenue snapping our fingers in unison until we meet halfway. Sickest moves after 10 minutes wins. Losers buy beers.

I am only like 21% kidding. Let me know, Spurs.

No. 1: Manchester City vs Wigan Athletic in the FA Cup quarterfinals
When: Sunday at 11AM on Fox Sports 2, Fox Deportes or FoxSoccer2Go
Last year:  Wigan pulled one of the great upsets by beating Manchester City in the FA Cup final at Wembley Stadium

A rematch of what was one of the more memorable FA Cup finals ever. The soon-to-be-relegated Wigan beat the giants from Manchester 1-0. It was such a joy to watch a team like that win a trophy. The looks on the faces players and fans...man, just thinking about it gives me that weird watering sensation in my eyes like when I watch The Notebook. Can they pull the same trick twice? Doubtful, especially since City are at home. But you never know. Like I alway say, that’s why we watch.

That's enough for this week. Remember that the MLS kicks off this weekend, with Seattle hosting Kansas City on Saturday at 2PM on NBC Sports Network. Hopefully Clint Dempsey will show some signs of life so the odds of me having that weird Notebook eye-watering sensation after the group-stage matches at the World Cup decreases.

Until next week, be sure to tip your servers and waiters at your favorite soccer watering hole this weekend.

Nuclear Wessel: Premier League Power Rankings

Posted by: Jon Marthaler Updated: February 28, 2014 - 10:49 AM

Dana Wessel produces the K-TWIN Morning Show on 96.3 K-TWIN Monday-Friday 5:30am-10:00am. The show is hosted by Cane Peterson and Eric Perkins/Rena Sarigianopoulos of KARE 11. He stops by on Fridays to educate us about the Premier League, and make fun of Arsenal. Dana?


Here's the deal. I got a couple hundred words into the usual weekend preview, and it just wasn’t working. I was having flashbacks to college, when I'd try to grind out my word count without having anything of much substance to say. You know, like when you toy with the margins a bit, to create the illusion the paper is longer than it is, in the hope that your mailing-it-in professor won’t notice?

That was me - because the matchups this weekend are pretty lame. Stoke City hosting Arsenal? Okay. Chelsea heading to Craven Cottage to play in one of the more lopsided derbies? All right. Don’t get me wrong, both matches are of crucial importance, as the visitors attempt to win the league and the hosts fight for the privilege of playing in this league next year. But the matchups themselves just lack intrigue.

We were supposed to have a Manchester derby this weekend, but City had to ruin that for everyone by going ahead and making the League Cup final, where they’ll play the mighty Sunderland. The rescheduled derby will be on Tuesday, March 25. Cool. Real cool. A Tuesday game. Thanks a lot, City.

From there...Villa/Norwich? Spurs/Cardiff City? I’d rather be locked in a room with nothing but a Luna Bar and a warm Tahitian Treat, and not be allowed to leave until I watched all 264 episodes of Murder, She Wrote on VHS, than spend two hours of my Saturday watching either of those matches.

So rather than waste everyone’s time, let's do something more important. There are only ten matches left after this weekend. TEN!! We are officially in the home stretch. That can only mean one thing...

THE RETURN OF THE NUCLEAR WESSEL HOT SPORTS TAKES ATOMIC EPL POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUFFALO WINGS*

*Not the popular company with a similar name that sells boneless wings, but just buffalo wings in general. The real ones. The ones with bones in them. A boneless wing isn’t a wing. It is a chicken nugget.

1. Manchester City: I really wanted to go with a 1-2 tie at the top between Manchester City and Chelsea, but that is a wishy-washy take, and if there is one thing that THE NUCLEAR WESSEL HOT SPORTS TAKES ATOMIC EPL POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUFFALO WINGS isn’t, it’s wishy-washy. So I will swallow my Chelsea-obsessed pride and admit: I still think in my gut that City have the best chance to take the league this year.

They are three points back of the Blues with a game in hand, plus they have a massive lead in goal differential. Unless they start putting some MTV Rock-n-Jock 25-point hot spots out on the field, nobody is catching the Citizens in goal differential. That means you can basically add an extra point to City’s total from here on out, since they'll always win the tiebreaker; being tied with City atop the table wouldn’t do Chelsea or Arsenal any good.

I'm guessing Man City puts out a soft team Sunday against a Sunderland side that has a much more invested interest in the League Cup than City. This match, plus their quarterfinal FA Cup tie with Wigan next Sunday, mean City won’t have another league match until March 15 (and will by then have another game in hand). The fixtures are going to start piling up for them. It will be interesting to see how they handle it.

2. Chelsea: The league leaders' biggest flaw was on full display in their midweek Champions League match at Galatasaray: their inability to kill off a match. It bit them two weeks ago when they conceded late and had to settle for a 1-1 draw at West Brom, and it happened again Tuesday in Turkey with the same scoreline. Their inability to deliver a Scorpion-esque Fatality against lesser opponents could be what keeps the trophy out of their hands this season. I guess that is what happens when you don’t have a striker on your team. But they’ve made it this far, hopefully can keep finding ways until May.

After Fulham on Saturday, they are home vs Tottenham and away to Villa before the big match against Arsenal on March 22 at Stamford Bridge. That’ll be a big one. Shame it is at 6:45AM, but that is a problem for Future Us to deal with.

3. Liverpool: I have been touting them for weeks so I can’t stop now! Just three points behind second-place Arsenal and with no other pesky cups to play for, the lads from Anfield are in solid position right now to make a run at this thing, if they are up for it.

Check out this run of matches they have in their serving bowl: at Southampton, at Manchester United, and at Cardiff City. Not the easiest matches, being on the road and all, but definitely three matches where a championship caliber team should be able to grab at least seven of nine points. After that, they welcome both Manchester City and Chelsea into Anfield where they are unbeaten in their last eleven games. It is still very much an uphill climb that will require the top three sides to slip, but Liverpool can still very much win this thing.

4. Arsenal: The 4-1 result against Sunderland last week erased any worries there may be some lingering effects from the Bayern Munich debacle a few days earlier. That said, I feel like I do this every week, but you have to keep pointing out who they have left in this devastating stretch.

  • Everton - home - FA Cup QF
  • Bayern Munich - away - Champions League
  • Tottenham - away - Premier League
  • Chelsea - away - Premier League
  • Manchester City - home - Premier League
  • Everton - away - Premier League

That list is exactly why I can’t rank Arsenal above Liverpool right now. Points will be dropped. It is inevitable. That’s why a relatively easy task of away to Stoke City is so important this week. They need all three points, because their schedule certainly isn’t getting any easier.

5. Everton: I have been impressed by Everton all year and wish like heck they had won a few more matches so they’d have a shot at catching Liverpool. But unfortunately, they faltered in some big matches, and are now in a fight with Spurs and Manchester United for fifth place -- the kids table at Thanksgiving of the Premier League.

They get West Ham at home this weekend, before that FA Cup match next weekend at the Emirates. It would be really cool to see this side win and get to Wembley for the FA Cup semifinals. Imagine if they won the FA Cup AND finished ahead of former manager David Moyes and his crumbling Man U side? That would be fantastic. Although I am sure any Everton supporter would be happy with just one or the other.

6. Tottenham: Credit to Spurs for not folding after the sacking of Andre Villas-Boas. They’ve managed to string together enough good results to be sitting all alone in fifth right now, six points behind Liverpool.

They still have a shot at fourth, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. A fresh start next season with some games under their belt will do them good. This season was always going to be difficult, after the big Gareth Bale $hopping $pree they went on this summer. It isn’t easy to take a bunch of new players and get them running as a cohesive unit. It is even tougher when AVB is your manager. But he is gone next year and Spurs will be back next year threatening for a Champions League spot.

7. Newcastle: No, I have not forgotten a team, and no, this is not trolling. I have Newcastle above Manchester United. Rather than waste time talking about Newcastle, let's get to the Red Devils.

8. Manchester United: The term "crisis" gets thrown around a lot in English soccer. Anytime there is a bad result, or even the slightest hint of a changing room disagreement, the tweets and headlines fly. “IS [insert club] A CLUB IN CRISIS?!” It happens so much that the word "crisis" is thrown around as a punchline now more than anything.

But hear me when I say this: Manchester United is a club in crisis if there ever was one.

I'll watch any form and level of soccer. Men's, women's, World Cup, high school, whatever. That United/Olympiakos match Tuesday was one of the more unwatchable 90 minutes I have ever seen, and I watched all 120 minutes of the Fulham/Sheffield United FA Cup match last month.

United could barely be bothered to run, and it was evident that nobody gave a crap. Rob (I refuse to call a man Robin) van Persie calls out Moyes. Supporters want Moyes gone. Supporters of other teams want Moyes given a lifetime contract. It is a mess at United, and the thing is, it is going to get worse before it gets better. There only route back to Champions League was to go on a run and win the whole thing. But the players can’t even be bothered to get up for a match against a Greek side that recently sold one of their top players to Fulham. Fulham!

That kind of effort shows you one thing and one thing only. The players have quit on David Moyes, and already have it in their minds that they will find a way out this summer. They might not even bother to grab their stuff from Old Trafford after the last match. Things are dire for United. They have until mid-March to summon the courage and motivation to beat Olympiakos at home and advance in Champions League, the only thing they have left to play for, or things are going to get awfully shouty over at the Theater of Dreams.

9. Southampton: The darlings of the first two months of the season continue to overachieve, and will finish top half of the table. Also, they will be a team nobody who needs three points will want to play down the stretch.

10. Hull City: This sounds about right.

11. West Ham: I bought a West Ham fan a beer when they were a few weeks away from getting relegated in 2011. Great guy. He has to be happy about the Hammers this year and that makes me happy.

12. Swansea City: Ahead of Aston Villa and Norwich on goal differential. Good for them.

13. Aston Villa: See above.

14. Norwich: See above. And them move your eyes just one more spot above.

15. Crystal Palace: Palace will be in a dogfight these last eleven matches to survive their first year back up in the Premier League.

16. Stoke City: Tough one this week against Arsenal with matches against Norwich, Villa and Hull looming.

17. Fulham: I WANT TO BELIEVE! SIT THE CURRENT PLAYERS DOWN IN A ROOM AND MAKE THEM WATCH THE GREAT ESCAPE VIDEOS ON REPEAT. DO IT FOR BRIAN MCBRIDE!

18. West Brom: Absolutely no margin for error right now, just one point above the drop zone.

19. Sunderland: My hopes this season for Sunderland were to avoid relegation and for Jozy Altidore to bag a bunch of goals and be in great form heading into the World Cup. Yeah...about that...anybody have a beer...or nine?

20. Cardiff City: Sorry lads, somebody has to be last. And in this edition of THE NUCLEAR WESSEL HOT SPORTS TAKES ATOMIC EPL POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUFFALO WINGS it is you Cardiff City!

Alright, that’ll do it for this week. Hope you enjoyed THE RETURN OF THE NUCLEAR WESSEL HOT SPORTS TAKES ATOMIC EPL POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUFFALO WINGS.

Before you stop reading poorly written soccer blogs and go back to work, one last shout-out. Congratulations to Brian McBride, Kristine Lilly and Bob Bradley for their much-deserved election to the United States Soccer Hall of Fame.

Bradley, our fearless manager through two Gold Cups and a World Cup, always deserved much better than the criticism he constantly drew on Twitter (even from myself, I admit it), and he is getting that now.

Lilly is the all-time soccer (either gender) leader in caps with 352. 352. Only 10 other women reached 200. No others reached 300. That is insane. Cobi Jones is the leader of the USMNT with 162.

McBride, well, I could start writing about McBride but 4,000 words, 84 viewed YouTube videos, 6 hours and countless nostalgia later I would probably still be writing. I will just say this: Legend.

Alright, that’s it for me. Have a great weekend and make sure to tip your servers and barkeeps at your local soccer pubs this weekend.

Nuclear Wessel: Your Premier League viewing guide

Posted by: Jon Marthaler Updated: February 21, 2014 - 1:41 PM

Dana Wessel produces the K-TWIN Morning Show on 96.3 K-TWIN Monday-Friday 5:30am-10:00am. The show is hosted by Cane Peterson and Eric Perkins/Rena Sarigianopoulos of KARE 11. He stops by every week to preview the Premier League and make fun of Arsenal. Dana?


Welcome to another edition of Nuclear Wessel that is sure to leave you inspired, feeling alive and ready to conquer your weekend. Chelsea sit alone on top of the table heading into a big slate of matches. Arsenal trail by a point and Manchester City by three (although they have a game in hand on Chelsea and Arsenal).

It has been an eventful two weeks for English soccer. The FA Cup has been whittled down to eight teams with big clubs Chelsea and Liverpool exiting stage left. Manchester City and and Arsenal both took one on the chin midweek at home in the opening leg of the Round of 16 in Champions League.

And no, Arsenal fans, this isn’t where I am going to point out how Chelsea had no trouble converting penalties against Bayern Munich in 2012. Nor will I point out that you were at home in the Round of 16 and not playing Bayern in the final in Munich.

Same to you, City fans. I am not going to sit here and brag and carry on about how Chelsea beat a much better Barcelona team on the road in 2012 than the one you lost to at home Tuesday. I especially won’t point how Chelsea also played them with 10 men. I wouldn’t do that. I am clearly above such petty trash talking.

(Editor's note: He's just the worst, isn't he, folks?)

Only one real crucial head-to-head match as far as the top of the table goes, but with twelve to go, every point matters. Finding a way to turn one point into three and zero points into one is what separates winning the league and just qualifying for Champions League, and what separates qualifying for Champions League and just being another 5-10 side.

It all matters. Every game is a “playoff” game. That’s why we love it so much. On to the matches!

No. 1: Chelsea vs Everton at Stamford Bridge
When: Saturday at 6:45 AM on NBC Sports Network
Last year: Chelsea took the money in this fixture last season 2-1 thanks to goals from Juan Mata (never forget) and Fernando Torres. The Blues left it a bit late too, with Torres’ winner not coming until the 76th minute. Steven Naismith scored for the Toffees.

This is without question the match of the weekend (so of course it is the Saturday early match) and massive for each team. Chelsea come into the match atop the Premier League table. The Blues are coming off a disappointing 1-1 draw at West Brom where they had multiple chances to kill the match with a second goal but ended up conceding late and only leaving with one point. The FA Cup loss at Manchester City stings a bit, but shouldn’t do anything to their confidence level after securing all three points against City 10 days earlier in the biggest result of the season.

They now face a desperate Everton team who is desperately trying to cling on to Champions League hopes after their top four prospects were dealt a big blow with losses at Liverpool and Tottenham in the last month. The Toffees sit in sixth place, eight points behind Liverpool for fourth, and five behind Spurs for fifth place. They do have a match in hand over both the clubs, and that match is home against Villa, so they have good odds of cashing in on those points.

Everton have gotten two draws in their last five matches at Stamford Bridge and were the first team to defeat Chelsea this season, so this should be anything but a laugh for the home side.

It is still unclear if captain John Terry will be fit to return after missing the last three games with a muscle issue. Given the sometimes spotty defense the last two matches, the Blues could certainly use him. But with the big Champions League showdown with Galatasaray and Didier Drogba coming Wednesday, expect Jose to shuffle the lineup a bit.

This is always a weird one for the proprietor of this here column. Rooting for American goalie Timmy Howard to get scored on just feels dirty, like I am doing something wrong. I always want to pull an Ace Ventura and torch my clothes in a barrel and take a shower when it is all over. Here is to Timmy giving up a few goals tomorrow and then not giving up another between now and the end of the World Cup (and staying healthy).

No. 2: Arsenal vs Sunderland at Emirates Stadium
When: Saturday at 9:00AM on USA Network -- note the channel. Olympics bump this one to US, which actually be good for some fans because that channel is more readily available than NBC Sports Network.
Last year: Scoreless draw between the Gunners and Black Cats last season at the Emirates. I either didn’t watch this match or blocked it from my mind like some sort of trauma victim.

Arsenal need to put whatever lingering feels they have about missed penalties, red cards, and inappropriate hand gestures heading into the tunnel. And for crying out loud, would somebody give Mesut Ozil a hug? Michael Ballack was right when he said this week it doesn’t look like the Arsenal players have fully accepted the German hired gun. He looks like an outcast. Kinda like that new kid that comes to your school that is really good at sports and everybody is afraid he is going to steal their girlfriend.

First of all, Arsenal players shouldn’t worry about Ozil stealing their girlfriend because he sort of looks like something that would come out of Jim Henson’s Muppet laboratory. Secondly, Arsene Wenger needs to give Ozil an afternoon off and make the rest of the players watch the original Mighty Ducks. Ozil is Adam Banks. The Ducks needed Banks more than Banks needed the Ducks. The Ducks wouldn’t accept Banksy and made that known. Banksy could have coasted through the season and gone back to the Hawks once his dad and the lawyers redrafted the boundaries, just like Ozil can say ‘screw it’ and demand a move this summer.

Basically, the Gunners need to take a page from a Disney movie with more plot holes than a soccer net and embrace the goofy-eyed German. Granted, his form hasn’t been up to par lately (he lost every shred of confidence once he missed that penalty Wednesday), but a good part of that could be coming from the lack of acceptance in the locker room.

Everyone knew this month-long stretch of matches would be difficult for the Gunners, and adversity was going to present itself. This match against Sunderland is one of the few easy patches during Hell Month. Three points will be crucial if they want to keep pace with Chelsea and not be overtaken by City. They can’t let up and they can’t let Tuesday’s result linger.

And somebody needs to give the German a hug.

No. 3: Liverpool vs Swansea at Anfield
When: Sunday at 7:30AM on NBC Sports Network
Last year: Liverpool gave Swansea a beating usually reserved for gym class when the teacher lets the students pick their own teams before a game of capture the flag. 5-rip with four goals in the second-half gave the Anfield faithful walk out after the game singing their song with a smile on their face. Liverpool haven’t lost a league match this calendar year and Swansea has only one league win this calendar year. Liverpool rolls.

And, as Forrest Gump once said, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

It’s snowing (I write these on Thursday afternoons) and I feel like playing some 8-bit Nintendo. Plus, there is no way I can top that Arsenal/Mighty Ducks bit so might as well go out on a high note.

Enjoy the weekend of matches, and be sure to tip your waiters and waitresses at your favorite soccer watering hole. Ill see you there. And remember, it is your turn to bring the orange slices.

Nuclear Wessel: This week in the Premier League

Posted by: Jon Marthaler Updated: February 7, 2014 - 9:49 AM

Dana Wessel produces the K-TWIN Morning Show on 96.3 K-TWIN Monday-Friday 5:30am-10:00am. The show is hosted by Cane Peterson and Eric Perkins/Rena Sarigianopoulos of KARE 11. When he can stay awake long enough to write, he previews the weekend in the EPL for us. Dana?


This must have been an awful week for anybody who can’t stand Jose Mourinho and Chelsea. A lot of credit was deservedly given to the Chelsea players and The Special One after their 1-0 win at Manchester City, in what was without a doubt the result of the season thus far.

There wasn’t anyone - from pundits to rubes - that gave Chelsea much of a chance. But Mourinho went ahead and switched his style up, and if they hate let ‘em hate and watch the points pile up. (Yeah, that was a 50 Cent reference from a song that is now over a decade old. What are you gonna do about it?) It was vintage Mourinho and vintage Chelsea; how great was it that Jose had the team masseur give the team talk before the match? As a Chelsea fan: man, that was fun. It was one of those matches that reminds you why you love this sport so much in the first place. I could carry on and on, but for the sake of the non-Chelsea fans reading, I'll get on with it.

The result assured that nothing is assured in this rowdy season. Things are guaranteed to be shaken up even more this weekend with league leaders Arsenal heading to fourth-place Liverpool. Also, in the battle for fourth place, sixth-place Tottenham hosts fifth-place Everton.

Before we get to the matches, be sure to note that the matches are on USA Network this weekend so the NBC networks can get us up-to-the-minute updates on whether or not people are able to hit the can comfortably over in Sochi.

No. 1: Liverpool vs Arsenal at Anfield
When: Saturday at 6:45am on USA Network
Last year: Arsenal managed to get all three points at Anfield in early September of last season thanks to goals from Lukas Podloski and Santi Cazorla.

This is an ugly start time for us Yanks, but it will be well worth waking up early for this one. Brit's Pub in Minneapolis will be open (not so bright and) early, and will no doubt be busy.

There is a lot at stake for both clubs in this match, when both will be pushing for the full three points. A win from Liverpool puts them within five points of Arsenal at the top of the league and, no matter how much manager Brendan Rodgers tries to downplay their chances, they want to be in the running for the trophy.

Three points for Arsenal would be a great way to kick off the stretch that Arsenal fans have been dreading and everyone else has been drooling over. Check out this stretch of matches that will surely determine whether or not Arsenal can add a trophy to their cabinet for the first time since the Emirates opened nine years ago.

  • February 8 – Liverpool (Away)
  • February 12 – Manchester United (Home)
  • February 16 – Liverpool (Home - FA Cup)
  • February 19 – Bayern Munich (Home - Champions League)
  • February 22 – Sunderland (Home)
  • March 1 – Stoke City (Away)
  • March 8 – Swansea (Home)
  • March 11 – Bayern Munich (Away - Champions League)
  • March 16 – Tottenham (Away)
  • March 22 - Chelsea (Away)

Sweet mother of creamed corn. I get anxiety and want to dig out my childhood teddy bear TaTa just thinking about playing that fixture list on FIFA. They get a bit of a break in between the Munich fixtures, but make no mistake, this is an absolute gut-busting stretch. It's like Arsenal just blew past the last rest stop for a few hundred miles on a road trip, with a 3/4ths a tank of gas and a relatively empty bladder. They will either find sweet relief at a Texaco without running out of gas and their bladder bursting, or they’ll find themselves broken down on the side of the road with their thumb out.

This makes Saturday’s match all the more important for the Gunners. They are riding a seven-match unbeaten streak and are feeling confident as this journey starts, and they haven't lost in their last six visits to Anfield. Continuing that stretch against a big rival would give them a big mental boost before heading into these desert roads.

Liverpool have been on a great run themselves, going unbeaten in their last eight, but there were no doubt some cleats being thrown around The Hawthorns last Sunday, as they couldn't find a winner against West Brom. Martin Skrtel* has said they plan on toppling Arsenal Sunday. Arsenal want to keep their top spot. Liverpool want a shot at that top spot before the season is up. This match: Can’t miss.

*Skrtel would be the captain of the all-EPL bar fight team, right? I’d hate to run into that dude after he has had a few whiskeys.

No. 2: Chelsea vs Newcastle at Stamford Bridge
When: Saturday at 9:00am on USA Network
Last year: Chelsea took care of business in tidy fashion a year ago, beating Newcastle 2-0 at Stamford Bridge. Eden Hazard netted a penalty before Torres put it out of reach in stoppage time in the first half.

Talk about two teams riding completely different waves of emotion. Chelsea are returning home after a clean-sheet win at Manchester City, while Newcastle are heading to Stamford Bridge after losing the Tyne-Wear derby at home 3-rip for the second consecutive year.

 Newcastle have gone somewhat off the rails lately. They have losses to Sunderland, Cardiff and West Brom, plus a scoreless draw with Norwich City in their last six matches. Add in the Joe Kinnear drama and things aren’t very stable up Newcastle way. But Newcastle supporters must be pleased they are in the top half off the table.

You have to like Chelsea’s chances in this match at home (then again, you also had to like their chances last week against West Ham when they drew 0-0); the Blues are right where they want to be right now. Jose is guiding them along smoothly and players and fans alike have completely bought in. For the first time in years there isn’t some type of managerial/John Terry distraction taking place and they are laying in the weeds going about their business.

Newcastle will be just fine with a draw and will be content playing for one, but I think Chelsea are just playing too well and riding too high for it to be anything other than a full three for the home side.

No. 3: Tottenham vs Everton at White Hart Lane
When: Sunday at 7:30am on USA Network
Last year: This fixture at White Hart Lane was a fun one last April. Adebayor made it 1-0 within seconds of the opening whistle. Everton would equalize in the 15th and take the lead in the 53rd before Spurs got their equalizer with just three minutes left in regular time. Just one of many fixtures Spurs fans probably look at with frustration after just finishing one point behind Arsenal for fourth place.

Another match on early this weekend but definitely worth sacrificing an extra hour of sleep. Just take a nap in the afternoon. It’s not like there is NFL to watch this week. The race for the fourth and final Champions League spot right now is Liverpool’s to lose but if anybody is going to make them earn it, it is Spurs and Everton.

The Toffees have been one of the surprises of the PL season. Conventional wisdom had Manchester United ahead of both of these sides, pushing them both back a spot to sixth and seventh, but here they are. Everton can overtake Liverpool with a win combined with an Arsenal victory. Spurs, meanwhile, could pass Everton with a win and a potentially be level on points with Liverpool.

Both teams are at disadvantage in the long-term race with Liverpool for the fourth slot because of goal differential, meaning a tie at the end of 38 matches does them no good. Spurs somehow have a -1 goal differential. Everton a bit better at 12. But Liverpool can’t be caught at 29. For reference, Man City are at 41.

So….the odds of this one being a goal fest obviously aren’t very good, but hopefully the magnitude of the fixture will bring out some desperation. Everton have only one won of their last five away from Goodison Park, but have only lost two of their last 13 matches against Spurs. Should be a fun one. I look forward to Spurs fans tweeting about this one after they catch up on DVR later in the afternoon.

Enjoy the matches and be sure to support your local soccer bar. They’ll only keep opening as long as we keep going.

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