Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could convince the world to love jumpsuits as much as he does. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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Well, friends, this is your lucky day. It's your lucky, extremely slow sports news day that has turned into a delicious slow news day.
Stensation would like to point you in the only direction he knows: the direct path to a coffee product called Maple Bacon Morning.
Reminiscent of a hearty Saturday morning breakfast around the table, this sweet, savory coffee delights the senses with the smell and taste of home! Maple Bacon Morning has a base that's full-bodied and complex, and it's a delicious way to rise when the rooster crows!
So bacon would clearly make coffee more delicious. It's science. Bacon makes a lot of things more delicious -- but some more than others. That is where you come in. Commenter draft: Name the food (or drink) item that is enhanced the most by the savory taste of bacon. Once a food is off the table, it cannot be chosen again. But you may play as often as you like. Even you, Roughkat.
TMZ has learned the former Notre Dame football star was caught trespassing inside a Top Pot donut shop in Bellevue, Washington at 3 AM Saturday morning. Cops would only confirm that Tate was given a "trespass warning" -- and was not arrested -- but they wouldn't expand on why the 21-year-old was inside the store while it was closed.
What did Tate have to say for himself? Well, the Everett paper caught up with him!
Tate seemed genuinely sorry for the incident, saying "I’m very apologetic for it. This is the wrong type of media I want to bring to this organization, and I apologize to the team, the coaches, and even Top Pot. As of now I think that’s the end of it. . . I’m very embarrassed to even have my name a part of this. Before now I’ve never had any type of trouble in school or anything."
Tate lives in the building, and apparently he and his friend couldn't resist grabbing a doughnut before calling it a night.
"They’re irresistible," he said. "It was a foolish mistake that won’t happen again, but if you ever want some maple bars, that’s the place to go."
Programming note, by the way: Clearance Clarence returns tomorrow! Whee!
Sometime last week, we saw a tweet from Twitter pal Amber -- we've never actually met her in person, which is how things go these days -- suggesting that she couldn't wait until Saturday when she was going to try KFC's new Double Down that all the kids are talking about. What is a Double Down? Two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce. And yes, the chicken acts as the bun. While eating one of these creations isn't necessarily a sport, it seemed close enough to see if Amber would consider a guest post on the experience. In addition, the Double Down seemed right up the alley of the RandBall readership, while also nicely adding to the sometimes sparse Uterine-American representation on this here blog. Amber delivered, and now she has the floor. Amber describes herself as "Amber Jones is a local business lady that occasionally moonlights as an amateur (at best) food and sports blogger." Her friend, Richard Conley, took the photos. Amber?
Going into this challenge I debated about how I was going to prepare my body for the glorious train wreck it was about to consume. Upon arriving at KFC, I got super excited to tackle this beast of a sandwich. I already decided in advance to go with the original recipe patties, because I am quite convinced that a sandwich made of two grilled patties would rank somewhere around gnawing on a shoe. Dalton, our chef, said he'd hook us up with fresh patties. SCORE! We also got sides of fries and mashed potatoes, which were totally unnecessary, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't munch on them while waiting for the Double-Down. When she came out and I cracked open her carton, and oh man what a glorious sight! She was piping hot and glistening...with grease. I pressed my finger into one of the patties and it was slick with enough cardiac fuel to keep 17 county fairs in business.
The first bite was heaven. Loaded with cheese, bacon, and the Colonel's special sauce, She was every bit as flavorful and shameful as I'd dreamed. The bun, er ... patties, were super juicy but wonderfully crunchy on the outside and the sauce had a rather surprising kick to it -- definitely Minnesota "spicy." My one complaint is that it could use more than 2 meager strips of bacon, because I couldn't really tell it was there. Also, be prepared to load up on napkins, because the paper wrapper she dons is hardly enough to contain her glory.
Did I put down that entire heart-stopping hellion? Abso-freaking-lutely (with ease, might I add). Did I have any sense of regret or remorse regarding my actions? Maybe a little; the heartburn started to kick in after about a half an hour, and the after-taste of grease hung around with me for hours. HOURS. However, if you want to live dangerously and cross one off your bucket list, the Double Down might be the exhilarating near-death experience you're looking for.
OK, RandBallers: Have you/would you try the Double Down? And do you have any other food experiences that rank near Amber's experience? For us, it was probably eating the King Kong burger in Omaha. That was 1.5 pounds of ground beef, and we consumed ever last bit of it ... and felt the shame/pride for a long time thereafter.
From CastroTurf's Excruciating Minutae at the Indians MLBlog:
"Plain Dealer columnist Terry Pluto demanded that my minutiae today include mention of his invention of "The Pluto" at a nearby QuikTrip gas station this morning. He took unsweetened iced tea, added a little bit of peach iced tea and a splash of lemon. Voila... "The Pluto." Even by minutia standards, this bit of info qualifies as minutia."
What's your go-to drink at the convenience store? And what is the go-to drink of your favorite Star Tribune writers and bloggers?
For us, there's a serious weakness for flavored gas station cappuccino. What about you? And if they have a glazed chocolate donut, they'd better hide it if they want to keep it.
A bar is under the microscope after a contest goes very wrong. The Villa Nova Bar and grill is under scrutiny for allegedly letting people take their clothes off during a mechanical bull riding contest.
The manager of the Villa Nova Bar was fined $75 for violating the city's obscenity laws. Some media outlets reported that he was arrested, but on Thursday, we spoke with manager Kevin Parrott who said, that's not the case. Parrott said he was only slapped with the fine, he was not arrested.
He was accused of letting women expose themselves during a bull riding event. He and the owner declined an on-camera interview, advised by their lawyer, but they maintain that both the men and women were not naked in the bar. Parrott said that some of the people did take their shirts off, but he stressed that the women were not nude.
Just a hunch, but we're guessing the bar recouped more than $75 from thirsty patrons entertained by the shirtless bull riding. TIGHTEN YOUR OBSCENITY LAWS, MATTOON. Or not.
(Note: Star Tribune file photo, for illustrative bull riding purposes, is not from the bar, but rather from the Country Splash in Somerset).