Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could convince the world to love jumpsuits as much as he does. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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We like to pretend that we rise above the fray, but anyone who watches sports with us knows better. We yell a lot at the TV. We can -- at times -- use inappropriate language. Just ask Rocket. Or Malik Rose.
But we hit an all-time low late Sunday afternoon watching the end of the Saints-49ers game. The outcome was not in doubt, but we were clinging to a thin fantasy football lead in a must-win fantasy game (again, all desperate stuff). Our team was on a five-game losing streak and sat below .500 for the season, but somehow a victory this week would all but assure a playoff berth.
So we sat, cheering for the three players we had going in one game -- Drew Brees, Jimmy Graham and Frank Gore -- wanting the game to last as long as possible.
We almost threw something at the TV when a Gore garbage time TD was called back by a holding penalty. And yes, we pumped our fists and shouted when Brees completed two completely meaningless passes to Graham in the final minute, thus getting us an extra point from both.
As it turned out, we sweated out a subpar game from Randall Cobb in the Sunday nighter (#IncreasinglyLostSeason) and ended up winning our fantasy matchup by 4 points.
We'll almost certainly be in the fantasy playoffs. But we will feel shame. Oh yes, we will feel shame.
Tim Brewster is the new wide receivers coach at Mississippi State, which trounced Jackson State 56-9 in Saturday's opener. It was a fine opener for Bulldog Nation ... except for the opener before the opener. The squad, it seems, had a little trouble with the smoke machine coming out of the tunnel, causing a multiple-man pileup (new fantasy team name?). Maybe it was the Smoke Monster? Ah, you know what. We've never watched an episode of "Lost." We have no idea if that makes sense.
That's our answer. Headed to the RandBall League Draft tonight. One tomorrow afternoon. Had one already this past Saturday. Three leagues. That is what we consider too many. Disagree? You and China69 can duke it out in the comments.
You all know the disclaimers and the drill by now. Clearance Clarence -- the brainchild of commenter Clarence Swamptown -- does not necessarily reflect the opinions of RandBall or the Star Tribune. But it is awesome. Clarence?
The NFL season is over and spring training is more than a month away, so let’s focus on other important things - primarily hockey and body hair:
LEAGUE 1 -- Funk Funk Fantasy Football Federation
Our matchup: Goose With a Beer (us) vs. Hell's Elk (our friend Zo)
The scenario: Trailing 41-30 in a pretty tough scoring league (very TD-heavy) going into Sunday night's game, where Hell's Elk has the Steelers' D and we have Mike Wallace as our final scoring options.
What happened: The Steelers' D does nothing ... Wallace drops an early TD pass ... BUT after we had given up on the game and left MC Creme Fraiche's house following the Patriots' pick-6 that made it 29-10, Wallace came to life. His yardage and first garbage-time TD pulled GWAB within 41-40. And then there was the second gorgeous -- and completely meaningless -- TD with a little less than three minutes left that gave us the 47-41 victory.
What does it mean: Not only does it mean we had a stirring fantasy comeback victory for the ages ... but it also means that every single player (and team defense) in our eight-spot starting lineup lost in their ACTUAL game while leading us to a fantasy victory. That would be Brett Favre, Chris Johnson, Arian Foster, Randy Moss, Wallace, Brandon Pettigrew, Billy Cundiff and the Chiefs defense.
LEAGUE 2 -- RandBall League
Our matchup: Excellence in Kiting (us) vs. Double Rainbow All the Way (RB commenter Brandon)
The scenario: It's a close game going into the afternoon, with us trailing something like 70-62 in a scoring system that gives away points for just about anything.
What happened: We became very excited to see the Chiefs had fallen behind by a huge score early to the Broncos. Why? Well, it meant our QB Matt Cassel -- in for bye-week Aaron Rodgers -- would likely be throwing a ton of passes in the second half. And that's exactly what happened. Cassel ended up with an unholy 469 yards and 4 TD passes, putting up 32.9 points all by himself. HOWEVER ... our enthusiasm waned once we discovered Brandon had a couple of garbage Chiefs of his own: Dwayne Bowe and Jamaal Charles. They combined for three TDs and about 300 yards rushing/receiving -- and 48.7 points to give Double Rainbow a 13-point lead going into tonight.
What does it mean: Cassel's game was one for the ages. But Double Rainbow's double trouble was just too bright.
We don't do this often, so this is your chance. Your tale of fantasy garbage time glory or woe in the comments.