Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could convince the world to love jumpsuits as much as he does. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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This is an extension of a fierce Twitter debate between @AaronGleeman and some of his cohorts. They haven't started talking about VORP (Value Over Replacement Pocket) or TAWIP (Theft Average on Wallets In Play), so we feel comfortable commandeering the dialogue for a moment.
Our two cents: For much of our adult life, we had great enthusiasm for the back right pocket when it came to where the wallet should go. But we also had a bad habit of overloading our wallet -- grandpa wallet syndrome -- and so when we would drive, it would often be uncomfortable. The only time we would ever wear it in a front pocket is in a foreign country because FOREIGN PEOPLE ARE SCARY AND MIGHT STEAL IT, whereas people here are honest and would not steal it. This made no sense, but it's still how we rolled.
In June, we switched to a very small wallet for a trip to Ireland, since we wouldn't need many of the things we thought we needed to carry around in everyday life. It was comfortable. It was easy to access. When we came back home, we realized we didn't really need all the things we had been lugging around. We didn't need the corners of some monstrosity digging into our [redacted] when we drove. We started carrying a small wallet in the front right pocket, and we have honestly never been happier.
Where does the cell phone go? Left front, obviously. Where do keys go? They share space in the right front with the wallet. Plenty of room in there, fellas. You shouldn't need more than a few keys on your ring. If you have more, it's really time to reconsider.
Truth be told, right front is also the safest place to keep it in terms of guarding against theft, regardless of whether you are in Bulgaria or Stillwater. Just listen to Glen Perkins.
Feel free to challenge these assumptions or add to them in the comments.