Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could convince the world to love jumpsuits as much as he does. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.

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Clearance Clarence: You had better write this food order down

Posted by: Michael Rand under Twins fans Updated: June 15, 2010 - 11:58 AM

Commenter Clarence Swamptown doesn't have a context-free diagram in this version of his weekly feature Clearance Clarence, but he does paint a lot of pictures with his words. At a certain point, we weren't sure what to [redact] and what to leave in. That's part of his country charm, we suppose. Clarence?
 
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My grandmother was a diner waitress for over 40-years.  It is a difficult and sometimes thankless job, and I have nothing but respect for those who do it.  That said, if you are a relatively new waiter, and unless you are an elephant or the [redacted] Mentalist, please WRITE DOWN MY [REDACTED] ORDER.  We are not impressed when you smile and nod politely with your hands clasped behind your back while we order a sandwich with no [redacted] mayo and then you bring out a sandwich with [redacted] mayo and then you say “oh I’m sorry sir I thought you said extra mayo”  because, no, I did not say that you little [redacted].  Mistakes happen, but fewer mistakes happen when you write it down.  Some waiters can pull this off, but most cannot.  I am willing to wait the extra few minutes.  I do not care about your memory parlor tricks, I just want my food done right. 
 
*Outstate Bar of the Week – Musical Moment Edition:  I don’t remember the name of the bar or where it is located.  I think it was on a lake, or maybe in the woods.   It doesn’t matter.  I was over served and I don’t remember anything about my night in that bar except for one crystal clear moment:  A band was covering Hurts So Good by Mellencamp and during the “with a girl like you” bump ba da ba bump “with a girl like YOU” part the drummer was on an elevated stage behind the bar wearing a white t-shirt with cutoff sleeves and a big green eagle on the front and a white headband and white wristbands, and when he lifted his arm to hit the high-hat his armpit hair looked like he was giving the Crossface Chicken Wing to Troy Polamalu.  Every time I hear that part of the song I am transferred back to the clarity of that scene.  I can think of a handful of old songs that provide Musical Moments of Perfect Clarity.  I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I first heard the opening guitar riff of Sweet Child O’ Mine.  I can picture the exact moment when I became a man, at the 0:25 mark of Steve Perry’s Oh Sherrie on MTV.  I would like to hear your own Musical Moments of Perfect Clarity in the comments below – not whole songs – just moments of songs that transfer you back to a specific, clear memory. 
 
*Country and Western Song of the Week:  I’m Pretty Good at Drinking Beer by Billy Currington, in honor of regular Randball Commenter daveemen, just because daveemen is pretty awesome and he deserves it.
 
*I invite you to read David Brauer’s 1,100-word missive on local sports blogging.  He mentions the wonderful Twins blog Twinkie Town, where frequent RandBall commenters jmarthaler and randballsstu are Senior Writers.  He also states that Michael Rand “totally gets the fan ethos”.  I am pretty sure ethos is a type of cheese, so I totally agree. 
 
*The Case for Cliff Lee:  Despite a number of injuries and a few holes on the roster, the Minnesota Twins are still the favorites to win a particularly weak American League Central Division.  It is also appears likely that the New York Yankees will make the playoffs.  It is no secret that the Twins have struggled against the Yankees in both the regular and post season.  The trade deadline is only 6 weeks away, and the trade chatter is already heating up.   I am firmly on the Cliff Lee bandwagon, if only for one reason:  Cliff Lee was 2-0 against the Yankees in the 2009 World Series (the only two wins for Philadelphia during that series).  No current Twins starter has more than two CAREER victories against the YankeesIf a trade can be made that does not involve Hicks, Gibson, or Liriano, it should be strongly considered.  Get it done. 
 
Your thoughts on cocky waiters, Musical Moments of Clarity, beer, ethos, and Cliff Lee are welcome in the comments below.

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