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Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could keep lies from conquering the minds of the weak. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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The cereal says the Wolves are guaranteed lottery luck
Posted by: Michael Rand
under
Sports
Updated: May 17, 2010 - 4:22 PM
1) Mascot Crunch is sporting a top hat and a green jersey, which makes him infinitely more lucky.
2) "Lottery Luck Guaranteed." Did General Mills even check with its legal department before making this outrageous claim? And if so, has said legal department seen the past two decades of Wolves lottery history? Clearly they must have, since the Wolves' lottery history is printed on the back of the box. And the back of the box also contains this sentence: "In their 12 previous lottery appearances, the Wolves have remained in the same draft position six times and fallen six times. Minnesota has never moved up in the draft through the lottery."
3) "Good source of calcium and franchise-changing talent." Again, when the names of all past lottery picks are clearly printed on the back of the box, is that really worth printing?
Jokes aside, this is obviously another attempt at changing the Wolves' notoriously bad lottery luck. If Lucky Charms suddenly goes into a downward spiral, though, we will know which side of this partnership has the stronger genes.
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