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Commenter Stu presents: The Packers' Increasingly Lost Season -- Waiting for Godot (Aaron)

Posted by: Michael Rand under Professional football, Vikings Updated: December 5, 2013 - 3:03 PM

Born out of a series of Tweets by commenter @RandBallsStu, an idea by your humble proprietor and a sick thirst to rile up Packers fans for no good reason, we present, "The Increasingly Lost Season." In this series, which is now in its second year, Stu will give a brief recap of the Packers' misfortunes as they tumble back toward Randy Wright-esque putridity (even if that probably isn't true). Stu?

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WAITING FOR AARON

(SCENE: Two Packers fans, Vincent and Earl, sit at a tavern, drinking Miller Lite, munching on popcorn.  ESPN is on the TV.  Aaron Rodgers’ status for Sunday is called “uncertain.”) 

EARL: Man, what are we gonna do?

VINCENT: Nothing to be done.  Gotta ride it out, then run the table.

EARL: I suppose so.  Flynn and Tolzien might have to beat the Falcons, though.  Think they can do that much, they’ve looked okay sometimes and Atlanta is pretty bad.

VINCENT: Listen to yourself.  You’re not making sense.  Flynn and Tolzien are thieves! They are stealing money from us.  The Pack can’t win without Aaron.  We gotta wait for him, then win out.

EARL: Whatever, I’m gonna head home.

VINCENT: Alright.

EARL: Ah, you know what, one more won’t hurt.  (EARL orders another beer, begins to doze off.)

VINCENT: Hey, wake up, dummy.  SportsCenter just said they’ll have an update from Green Bay.

EARL: Huh?  I was just resting my eyes.  Did they say anything about Aaron?  Is he coming back?

VINCENT: Dunno, they didn’t say.  Hey, I ever tell you the one about Dan Devine’s dog and the preacher?

EARL: Can’t recall.

VINCENT: Oh man, it’s a good one.  Gotta hit the can first, though.  (VINCENT goes to the rest room, returns.) What were we talking about?

EARL: Rodgers coming back this week?

VINCENT: Yeah, if he doesn’t I’m gonna be almost suicidal, I tell you.

EARL: How do you think Aaron will do when he comes back?

VINCENT: Can’t say definitely, since he’ll probably have some extra padding on his collarbone, but probably 4-5 touchdowns, 400 yards.  Then he can ramp it up as he gets healthier.

EARL: Sounds right.  You hungry?

VINCENT: Yeah.  My old lady’s got me eating rabbit food because we’re supposably (sic) at a high risk for diabetes because of our diet.

EARL: Yeah, I’m gonna order a pizza.  Get some veggies on it, make it healthy.

VINCENT: Alright.

(A loud yell is heard from near the pull-tab booth.  LUCKY has pulled a $300 winner.)

EARL: Figures.  Lucky gets Favre’s autograph when he sees him at the airport, and now this.

VINCENT: Yeah, but he owes Paulie something like $500 for working on his car, so that money’s good as gone.

EARL: Yeah, like Paulie needs it.  (PAULIE is sitting at a table by the bar’s only window, wearing a Realtree Clay Matthews jersey, eating chicken wings and drinking muscatel.)

VINCENT: Why’s he drinking wine?

EARL: Doctor said he’s gotta get off the beer.  That’s his compromise.

VINCENT: Smart man.  Hey, they’re talking about the Packers now, shut up.

(Ed Werder reports that Rodgers will practice in a limited capacity, and that no decision has been made for Sunday’s game.)

EARL: Well, there you go.

VINCENT: There it is.  Maybe they’ll know more later on tonight.  Might as well order another round.

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