Each week, commenter Clarence Swamptown delights you with his unpredictable tales. This week, he gets back to the basics. We're not sure how often you read Clearance Clarence, but ... here he is. Clarence? ------

There's not a lot going on in the sports universe right now. Last night's 3-hour Lunesta commercial Home Run Derby proved monotonous, as do most all-star competitions (quick All-Star Competition Boringness Power Rankings, from most to least boring: 1. Any Yankees-Red Sox game. 2. Home Run Derby. 3. Pro Bowl Skills Challenge. 4. Slam Dunk Contest. 5. NHL SuperSkills Competition.). Consequently, today's post will be mostly sports-free.

* Outstate Diner of the Week: Little Oscar's, Hampton, Minn. What are they famous for? Located approximately 30 miles southeast of the Twin Cities, Little Oscar's is your typical low-key, side-of-the-highway diner. Clean, friendly, and quick – that's what you want in a small town greasy spoon, and that's what you'll get. When you see a handful of state patrol and county sheriff cruisers in the parking lot, that's always your first indication that the place is good. What are the waitresses like? A mix of young girls and salty vets. Everyone is pleasant. How's the food? Pretty good. If you're looking for a fancy-pants organic pomegranate and roasted beet salad or some other nonsense, please keep driving. You might find something by the time you get to Chicago (you won't). But if you're looking for scratch pancakes, perfect bacon and white toast with real butter, then this is your place. If you're traveling with small children and/or a strange uncle, they have a working model train that circles the restaurant and might keep them busy. Do they have a website? No. Are they on Twitter? No. Anything else I should know? If you're ever looking for a nice day-trip within an hour of the Twin Cities, please allow me propose the following itinerary: gather a handful of buddies and book a late-morning tee time at any of the solid courses near Red Wing (Mississippi National, Mount Frontenac, The Jewel, etc.). Stop at Little Oscar's for some pre-round breakfast. Then stop at the Treasure Island for some post-round debauchery. Then stop at King's for some post-debauchery supper. Then sit on Dan's patio for some post-supper debauchery. That's a nice little Saturday right there. * Country & Western Song of the Week: I'll Be True To You by the Oak Ridge Boys. So sad. * Outstate Bar of the Week: RandBall contributor "Stu" took a road trip last weekend to watch Martin Zellar perform at a bar in Spicer. I asked Stu if he could provide a recap of the bar for our Outstate Bar of the Week feature, and he kindly obliged. Take it away, Stu: Bar name: Melvin's on the Lake, Spicer, Minn.

What is the bar famous for? A few things: a terrific view of Spicer's Green Lake; a houseboat that gives tours of the lake; docks for those who'd rather boat than drive; and the Melvinizer, a drink that is pure evil. Word of warning: you will get your share of "beautiful people" here.

Does it have any connection to heavy rock/grunge forefathers The Melvins? Not nearly, no. Can I watch the game there? Yes. Can I watch the NASCAR race there? If you asked, probably; you'd have better odds at O'Neil's, which is Spicer's "townie" bar and also worth a visit when you're in town. Do they have a website? Yes. What bar games are available? I think they have a Mega Touch machine in the indoor bar area; again, you'd have better luck at O'Neil's, which has seen friendships put to the test over mastery of Big Buck Hunter. Put into metro-area terms: Melvin's is Lord Fletcher's, O'Neil's is Liquor Lyle's. This is Melvin's last summer of existence, as it becomes a member of the Swamptown-approved Zorbaz empire of resort/lake bars in the fall. So, if you want a Melvinizer, hop to it. Your thoughts on Little Oscar's, golfing day trips, the Oak Ridge Boys, Melvin's, and Big Buck Hunter fist-fights are welcome in the comments below.