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Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could keep lies from conquering the minds of the weak. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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Clearance Clarence: Gophers football -- can you feel the excitement?
Posted by: Michael Rand under Twins fans, Vikings Updated: August 31, 2010 - 11:40 AM
Commenter Clarence Swamptown will delight you with tales of Gophers football and outstate bars. As usual, the opinions here on ex-Twins do not necessarily reflect those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Here we go. Clarence?
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The Gophers Football season starts in 2 days. Can you feel the excitement? *crickets*
The season starts on Thursday against Middle Tennessee State, and the Gophers Football program desperately needs wins. Nothing turns a program around faster than wins. You don’t get a higher draft pick for finishing last in the conference. Of the four games on the Gophers’ schedule against current Top 25 teams, three of those games are at home (Penn State, Ohio State, and Iowa). I would love to see a huge, unexpected upset of any of these teams, but I know that is unlikely. I would rather that the Gophers face some of the lower-tier Big Ten teams at home, increasing their chance of winning these games. In the end, I just want to see wins. I want to see this program moving in the right direction. I want to see more than 3 conference wins this season. But if they cannot pull off any big upsets in their own building, that will be a difficult task. I love the Gophers, and I always will. But I am also a realist. Between football and hockey, this may be a long winter as a Gopher fan. I hope I am wrong.
*Speaking of your Football Gophers, they obviously have a beautiful, relatively new on-campus open-air stadium, but they have yet to parlay the stadium into building a winning football program. Is there any current program or franchise in America with a larger dichotomy between their stadium and their overall success? Off the top of my head, I can think of the Pittsburgh Pirates, Baltimore Orioles, and maybe the Detroit Lions, Kansas City Royals, and L.A. Clippers. I cannot think of any more than that.
*Completely Impeachable Terrible Song of the Week: I love country music, but I cannot disagree with one word of this beautiful takedown (language alert) by Spencer Hall.
*Country & Western Song of the Week: A Long Time Ago by Waylon Jennings.
*Outstate Bar of the Week: The Lewis Schoolhouse, Lewis, Wisconsin.
What is the bar famous for? As the population of rural America continues to decline, the practice of school consolidation continues to increase. When a school closes, most small towns turn the building into a new City Hall, or a church, or a home for the local historical society. When consolidation closed the school building in Lewis, the townspeople did what Wisconsinites (Wisconsin-ians? Wisconsin-eers? Wisconsinites.) do best. They turned the building into a bar.
Can I watch the game there? You can watch the Packers or Brewers game there. Do not do this. They do not appreciate jokes about John Jolly, the Carlos Gomez trade, Mark Chmura, Dan Devine’s dog, or Najeh Davenport. I have tried them all.
Can I watch the NASCAR race there? Of course.
Do they have a website? Nope.
Are they on Twitter? No.
Anything else I should know? I am not sure why (maybe the building is also used to house the local VFW or American Legion?) but for some reason there is a large mural of Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima painted on the front of the bar. It’s pretty {redacted} awesome. Lewis in unincorporated, so they have no formal government. Last fall, if you bought a shot at the bar you were allowed one vote for the town’s mayor. That is a reformation of the American democratic system that we should further explore. They have a large side room that has hosted matches between Rock n Roll Buck Zumhofe and his stable of wrestlers. The last time I visited the bar I woke up with this picture on my camera phone. I have studied that photo like the Zapruder Film. I don’t know what it is. Any information you may have on the picture is appreciated:
As the humble RandBall proprietor noted yesterday, Brett Favre’s health is concerning, but probably not the Vikings’ most pressing concern. Regardless, I think it is safe to say that the backup quarterback situation is probably the Vikings’ most interesting positional battle. Tarvaris Jackson has been given opportunities, but he has never proven himself to be team’s second-best quarterback. Joe Webb may have the raw skills needed to be a solid NFL quarterback, but he could also be T-Jack 2.0, and the Vikings could waste another 4 seasons developing him into what they hoped Tarvaris would be right now. The Vikings do not have that kind of time. They are built to win now. Sage Rosenfels is a veteran, and albeit somewhat unknown commodity. I cannot believe the Vikings would consider trading Sage for pennies on the dollar simply because they don’t want to lose Joe Webb. No, not that, anything but that. The hatred for Brad Childress can get overblown in this town, but if he casts off Sage Rosenfels in favor of Joe Webb, that will be an incredible display of hubris. Childress has not built up the amount of Quarterback Development© capital needed to justify that move. I hope that Zygi or Spielman or somebody within the Triangle of Authority steps in to save Childress from himself. If something does happen to Favre, they cannot be left with Jackson and Webb on the bench and hope to salvage the season.
Your thoughts on Gophers’ Football predictions, notable stadium/team contrasts, The Boys of Fall, Waymore Jennings and reasonable viewpoints on the Vikings’ backup quarterback situation are welcome in the comments below.
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