Rand: Banner week for bumbling sports fans

  • Updated: July 9, 2014 - 1:00 AM
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The Twins’ self-serve beer machines will offer temptation for idiotic behavior.

Photo: Photo Courtesy of Minnesota Twins.,

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It’s never a particularly good time to be an idiot sports fan, but some weeks ... well, some weeks are worse than others. As the situations and circumstances mounted, there was no choice but to round them all up in one place:

• Let’s start with Andrew Rector, who was caught by ESPN cameras sleeping at a Yankees vs. Red Sox game earlier this season. Announcers Dan Shulman and John Kruk made light of Rector’s snooze, the game went on, and that was that ... until recently, when Rector filed a $10 million defamation lawsuit against ESPN, the Yankees, Shulman, Kruk and MLB.

His lawsuit includes many false claims against Shulman and Kruk, and ESPN told the New York Post in a statement: “The comments attributed to ESPN and our announcers were clearly not said in our telecast. The claims presented here are wholly without merit.”

You fall asleep at a ballgame and you sue for $10 million? That earns you the leadoff spot on this list.

• Moving on, we find a young man who likely will never rise to the level of criminal mastermind. Jake Close, a college student at Bloomsburg (Pa.) University, was asked by a local newspaper to participate in a “person on the street” poll about the Washington Redskins nickname controversy. He provided an answer, which was published along with his name and photo.

The problem? He had skipped bail on a drunken driving case, and the publication led police right to him. He was arrested Sunday at the Bloomsburg University rec center, according to the Bloomsburg Press Enterprise.

• Now let’s travel across the ocean, to what appears to be an unfortunate (in so many ways) soccer fan. Deadspin.com posted video of a group of Brazil fans excitedly chasing the team bus before Tuesday’s World Cup semifinal match against Germany.

One of them, however, was about as sure-footed as her favorite team Tuesday. She tripped and did a faceplant almost as epic as host Brazil’s 7-1 loss.

• The fourth and final entry on this list? Well, let’s just call it a placeholder, TBD or an idiot to be named later. This place is humbly reserved for the first Twins fan to take a look at the recently installed self-serve beer machines at Target Field and do something really dumb. Maybe drink straight from the tap? Maybe see how many consecutive 15-minute increments 48 ounces can be consumed? We’re not advocating this. But we are afraid of it.

Michael Rand

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Houston - LP: D. Keuchel 0 FINAL
NY Yankees - WP: B. McCarthy 3
Cleveland - LP: C. Kluber 1 FINAL
Minnesota - WP: P. Hughes 4
Detroit - LP: D. Price 0 FINAL
Tampa Bay - WP: A. Cobb 1
Arizona - LP: O. Perez 0 FINAL
Washington - WP: R. Soriano 1
San Francisco - LP: R. Vogelsong 1 FINAL
Chicago Cubs - WP: T. Wada 2
Atlanta - WP: J. Teheran 8 FINAL
Cincinnati - LP: D. Holmberg 0
LA Angels - WP: M. Shoemaker 2 FINAL
Boston - LP: R. De La Rosa 0
San Francisco - WP: M. Bumgarner 5 FINAL
Chicago Cubs - LP: T. Wood 3
San Diego - LP: T. Ross 1 FINAL
Los Angeles - WP: C. Kershaw 2
Pittsburgh 21 FINAL
Philadelphia 31
Carolina 8/22/14 6:30 PM
New England
NY Giants 8/22/14 6:30 PM
NY Jets
Jacksonville 8/22/14 6:30 PM
Detroit
Oakland 8/22/14 7:00 PM
Green Bay
Chicago 8/22/14 9:00 PM
Seattle
Tampa Bay 8/23/14 3:30 PM
Buffalo
Tennessee 8/23/14 6:00 PM
Atlanta
Dallas 8/23/14 6:00 PM
Miami
Washington 8/23/14 6:30 PM
Baltimore
New Orleans 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Indianapolis
Minnesota 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Kansas City
St. Louis 8/23/14 7:00 PM
Cleveland
Houston 8/23/14 8:00 PM
Denver
San Diego 8/24/14 3:00 PM
San Francisco
Cincinnati 8/24/14 7:00 PM
Arizona
(21) Texas A&M 8/28/14 5:00 PM
(9) So Carolina
Wake Forest 8/28/14 6:00 PM
ULM
Boise State 8/28/14 7:00 PM
(18) Ole Miss
Tulane 8/28/14 7:00 PM
Tulsa
Temple 8/28/14 8:15 PM
Vanderbilt
Rutgers 8/28/14 9:00 PM
Washington St
Weber State 8/28/14 9:30 PM
(19) Arizona State
Montreal 8/22/14 7:30 PM
Winnipeg
Toronto 8/23/14 3:00 PM
Edmonton
Calgary 8/24/14 2:00 PM
Ottawa
Saskatchewan 8/24/14 6:00 PM
Brt Columbia
Ottawa 8/29/14 6:30 PM
Montreal
Winnipeg 8/31/14 2:00 PM
Saskatchewan
Toronto 9/1/14 12:00 PM
Hamilton
Edmonton 9/1/14 3:30 PM
Calgary
Washington 73 FINAL
Indiana 78
San Antonio 84 FINAL
Minnesota 88

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