Turkey of the Year 2010: Brett Favre

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:16 PM

The Turkey Committee was riding high on Thanksgiving 2009. We managed to get our hands on a hunk of stimulus money and threw the grandest Turkey Banquet in the history of the event.

What made it extra special was the timing of this soiree. The committee was able to spare no expense and we honored perhaps the most deserving Turkey of all: Tim Brewster, the coach of the Minnesota football Gophers.

The inscription on the embossed programs told a prophetic tale as the reason for selecting Coach Brew on this occasion:

"The Turkey Committee had no choice but to give this 2009 honor to Brewster, since we couldn't risk having him escape as Gophers basketball coach Dan Monson had done previously."

The celebration of Brewster and our 32nd annual flock of sporting Turkeys had created such a standard for gluttony and opulence that the committee faced a monumental task in planning for this year's banquet.

And then came the first Tuesday in November, and trying to top the feat of 2009 was no longer an issue. The Tea Partiers and friends swept to an election landslide, and suddenly the Turkey Committee's stay at the public trough came to an end.

We spent a couple of weeks in desperate fundraising, going so far as to contact Vikings owner Zygi Wilf in the hope that he would see sponsoring the Turkey Banquet as good PR for the stadium effort. Sadly, the Zygmeister remembered he was last year's runner-up Turkey and gave us a quick turndown.

The committee finally had to face the fact: There would be no banquet for this Thanksgiving. We were left no choice but to notify this year's honorees by another method.

Twitter, as it turns out.

So, here we go with the 2010 Turkeys:

@abbywildeyes. Abby Sunderland, 16-yr-old sailor cost Australia, France & U.S. millions to rescue in Indian Ocean, is a Turkey.

@KohlerGolf. Herb Kohler gets Turkey in honor of Whistling Straits, where walking paths are bunkers.

@billjamesonline. W/out u, Mr. James, wouldn't have shame of 21 ball writers guilted into voting for Knave Felix (13-12).

@VikingsFootball. Leslie Frazier gets Turkey for turning Pro Bowler-filled defense to putty in Pack's hands.

@scottylago. Scotty: Forward Turkey to official that sent home colorful snowboarder for showing off Olympic medal.

@JoeMauerCom. Site down temporarily, sort of like Joe's bat in postseason. Sweep & no RBIs ... again.

@TonyDungy. Taking role as NFL's conscience way too seriously; telling Rex Ryan not to cuss on HBO.

@NewYorkRedBulls. Thierry Henry gets Turkey for handball vs. Ireland & leading French mutiny at World Cup.

@RachelUchitel. If she had been less noticeable sneaking into Australia, Tiger wouldn't have all these problems.

@Allen3Iverson. Isn't it obvious, Allen? You're a Turkey for playing in Turkey.

@MikeGrimm3. In this town of homers, Gophers hoops radio guy setting standard previously unattained.

@Big12Conference. Commissioner Dan Beebe: Please ask refs to make robbing Big 10 defector Nebraska less blatant.

@MichaelBeasley. OK, Beasy, we can handle tats, but that sprig of a ponytail has got to go.
Here's a collection of Turkey winners from the first year at mostly impressive Target Field:

@VincentBurger. U can't charge $12 for ballpark burger that's a poor imitation of restaurant version.
@Walleyeonastick. Next summer let's try it w/ fish captured in same calendar year.

@MarriageProposal. We'll buy first gal to say "no" next season real taste treat: Frankie V's Little Italy sandwich.

@Beervendorsting. Champ of vendors, Wally the Beer Man, gets pinched. Why aren't ballpark cops looking for pickpockets?

As we wind down, the Chairman would like to interject a personal note. We had every expectation to bring back Brewster as a guest for this year's Turkey Banquet, in the hope we could convince him to tell a large Minnesota audience one last time:
 
"We're going to take Gopher Nation to the Rose Bowl."

As you have learned today, the banquet was cancelled because of the committee's bankruptcy filing and we're a bit worried that Coach Brew might have missed the message.

There was a tweet sent to Play4Brew, but in checking, there had been no action on that once-lively site since Oct. 17.

What our researchers found interesting was Brewster was the third Gophers football coach in Turkey history to win the grand prize, joining Lou Holtz (1985) and Glen Mason (2003). And several others -- including Joe Salem, John Gutekunst and Jim Wacker -- were being thought of warmly when the 1992 winner was declared to be "25 Years of Golden Gophers Football."

We could go with "43 Years of Golden Gophers Football" today, but the Turkey Committee doesn't like to kick the same can too often. That's not to say Gophers football will be ignored as we introduce the finalists for the 2010 Turkey of the Year:

Second runners-up:

@KingJames. LeBron James' resume: The Quit in Game 5. The Decision on ESPN. The Martyr in Nike ad. Let's hope he never gets The Ring.

@RandyMossNews. Randy was back for 4 games, offered familiar combo of indifference & bad influence, was quickly & rightly fired.

First runner-up:

@GopherAthletics. AD Joel Maturi: Skeptical fans wanting new blood in FB coach search weren't thinking, "Dave Mona."

Now, as we get ready to name the Grand Turkey, let the committee pause to reveal this was the easiest choice in 33 years.

Turkey of the Year:

@BrettFavreNews. Never has one legend done so much, on and off field, to destroy a promising team as has the Grey Ego.

The committee wasn't 100 percent certain this Twitter site had easy access to Favre, so we sent along notification to a person with whom the old QB has been known to have contact:

@jennifersterger. Next time u hear from Brett, please notify he's Turkey of Year. Thanks -- The Committee.

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Baltimore 2 FINAL
Detroit 15
NY Yankees 5 FINAL
Philadelphia 5
Northeastern 1 FINAL
Boston 2
Miami-Fla 1 FINAL
Miami 7
Pittsburgh 8 FINAL
Toronto 7
San Francisco 4 FINAL
Oakland 9
Cleveland 0 FINAL
Cincinnati 10
Boston College 0 FINAL
Boston 1
Arizona State 0 FINAL
Arizona 4
Boston 79 FINAL
Cleveland 110
LA Lakers 103 FINAL
Charlotte 104
Sacramento 124 FINAL
New York 86
Houston 96 FINAL
Atlanta 104
Utah 93 FINAL
Memphis 82
Washington 92 FINAL
Chicago 97
Milwaukee 95 FINAL
Denver 106
Nashville 1 FINAL
New Jersey 3
Calgary 3 FINAL(OT)
Philadelphia 2
Washington 5 FINAL
Columbus 3
Buffalo 0 FINAL
Tampa Bay 3
Toronto 3 FINAL
Florida 2
Ottawa 2 FINAL(SO)
Minnesota 3
NY Islanders 2 FINAL(OT)
Dallas 3
Anaheim 4 FINAL
Arizona 1
Los Angeles 5 FINAL
Edmonton 2
San Jose 6 FINAL
Vancouver 2
Ole Miss 82 FINAL
Alabama 74
Eastern Mich 67 FINAL
Ball State 60
Kent State 81 FINAL
Bowling Green 80
Ohio 66 FINAL
Buffalo 93
Georgetown 60 FINAL
Butler 54
Toledo 77 FINAL
Central Mich 85
Rhode Island 59 FINAL
Dayton 75
Youngstown St 67 FINAL
Detroit 77
North Carolina 81 FINAL
Georgia Tech 49
Loyola-Maryland 45 FINAL
Holy Cross 62
Iowa 77 FINAL
Indiana 63
Akron 63 FINAL
Miami-Ohio 70
Army 52 FINAL
Navy 56
Maryland 60 FINAL
Rutgers 50
Kennesaw St 54 FINAL
USC Upstate 90
Jacksonville 63 FINAL
Fla Gulf Coast 81
Lipscomb 76 FINAL
Northern Ky 73
Stetson 67 FINAL
North Florida 81
Wright State 57 FINAL
Ill-Chicago 60
Western Mich 63 FINAL
Northern Ill 65
Nebraska Omaha 80 FINAL
North Dakota 78
Houston Baptist 71 FINAL
Abilene Christian 83
NC State 66 FINAL
Clemson 61
Texas A&M 62 FINAL
Florida 66
Kentucky 72 FINAL
Georgia 64
West Virginia 69 FINAL
Kansas 76
Auburn 61 FINAL
Missouri 63
Michigan 78 FINAL
Northwestern 82
Villanova 76 FINAL
Creighton 72
Longwood 55 FINAL
Gardner-Webb 63
Charleston Southern 39 FINAL
Presbyterian 47
Coastal Carolina 54 FINAL
UNC-Asheville 68
NJIT 51 FINAL
UMass Lowell 60
West Virginia 55 FINAL
Kansas State 59
TCU 45 FINAL
Texas 79
Fresno State 61 FINAL
Air Force 41
San Jose St 76 FINAL
Boise State 91
Nevada 61 FINAL
Colorado State 68
UNLV 61 FINAL
San Diego State 76
Wyoming 61 FINAL
Utah State 57

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