Turkey of the Year 1996: Kerri Strug

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:14 PM

The Tournament of Turkeys Committee, the group that sponsors the Festival of Turkeys Parade and the Turkey Banquet, annually faces enormous financial obligations. In 1995, the committee wound up with a bottom-line deficit after merchandise sales fell to an all-time low.

Arthur Finkelstein, fresh from the Rudy Boschwitz campaign, was hired as the committee's consultant. Arthur told us: "You can't sit back and let a bunch of long-haired, pot-smoking, flag-burning liberal wimps corner the market with `Save the Whales' T-shirts. You must go on the attack. You need a new logo - a turkey so mean that people are going to buy out of fear that, if they don't, that Big Tom is going to jump off the T-shirt and peck away until he bleeds 'em dry."

Yes, Arthur can become overly passionate in his views, but the committee took his advice. The committee is unveiling the new logo today, on the occasion of the 19th annual Turkey Banquet. Obviously, there has never been a logo remotely similar to the new Turkey, which is sure to inspire record sales at our Gobble-dygook Gift Shops.

The Turkey Committee waddles toward the 21st century, confident in its financial future and bursting with pride at this year's flock of Turkey honorees:

- Doug Woog. The Gophers' coach has given a whole new meaning to an old hockey term - hat trick. It used to be three straight goals. Now, it is, "You'll find the $500 in a hat under my office desk."

- Dave Stevens. This is the other Dave Stevens, not the Twins relief pitcher famed for the prodigious home runs that he gives up. This Stevens is the ESPN producer who was given a much-ballyhooed tryout with the St. Paul Veecks of the Northern League in May. The TV barking dogs and the minicams went hard for this story, since Stevens has no legs. The committee admires Stevens' timing. The Twin Cities has a mostly new generation of barking dogs since Dave offered the same storyline and action shots for the minicams while participating in the Twins' tryout camp in 1984.

- Arne Carlson. The surplus-happy Gov wants the Gophers to give $1 million per year to their next football coach, and he doesn't care who it is.
 
- Stephen Cito. His son Mike, a junior football player at St. Pius X High in Albuquerque, N.M., complained that he had been a victim of cheap shots during a game. Cito, a pediatric dentist, had Mike bring home his helmet. Then, the dentist ground the two chinstrap buckles to razor-sharp edges. The officials discovered this when two players from Academy High were observed bleeding from cuts on their hands and arms.

The committee's advice: If you ever wind up in Dr. Cito's chair, don't let him administer gas. This is one dentist a patient wants to keep an eye on.

- Pat Forciea. The ever-present Iron Ranger entered 1996 as Minnesota's marketing genius. His major tasks were selling tickets for the Twins and the football Gophers. The Twins' per capita fell because of discounted tickets and attendance remained well below pre-strike levels. The Gophers continued to lose before sections of empty seats.

The Forciea phenomenon started in 1990, when he was the campaign manager for Paul Wellstone in his senatorial race against Boschwitz. Wellstone won by 2.6 percentage points. In the rematch this month, Wellstone - without Forciea's guidance - beat Boschwitz by 12 percentage points.

- Greg Norman. The committee has assigned a waiter to cut Norman's serving of bird into very small pieces at today's banquet. None of us wants to watch him choke again.
 
- Linda Hill-MacDonald. Four Minnesota high school seniors are rated among the top 25 players in the country. The Gophers and coach Hill-MacDonald went 0-for-4 in recruiting the blue-chippers. Seventeen Minnesota girls were signed early to Division 1-A scholarships. Hill-MacDonald landed one. The committee's guess, Linda, is that the in-state recruits were scared off when they saw the depth on your 1996-97 Gophers.
 
- Isaiah Rider Jr. We had to invite him, but here is the good news: J.R. can't make it. His car won't start. He didn't get his wakeup call. The pipes froze. The cab driver took him to the wrong hotel.
He was abducted by aliens. No, wait - he is an alien. In fact, the committee has learned that Ivan Reitman went to a Lakers game a couple of years ago, saw J.R. playing for the Timberwolves, and that gave Reitman the idea for "Space Jam."

- Bob Huggins. The Cincinnati basketball coach started the 1996-97 season No. 1 in the Division I ratings and No. 302 in graduation rates. Coach Huggins gets all emotional when one of his players proudly accepts a diploma. Unfortunately, that has not yet happened in Huggins' seven years with the Bearcats.

- Terry Ryan. The Twins' general manager let outfielder Kimera Bartee, the player with a chance to save the Scott Erickson trade, get away for $50,000. First baseman Travis Lee, the No. 2 choice in the June draft, was allowed to get away when Ryan - after a clerical error - did not have the good sense to panic and get him signed. And finally, it took Dark Star, the most mysterious figure this side of Kato Kaelin, to get Chuck Knoblauch signed to a $30 million contract.

There has not been a Minnesota sports executive to have such an outstanding year since Remarkable Mike Lynn made the Herschel Walker trade.
 
Speaking of which: One year ago, the committee voted to institute the Herschel Walker Lifetime Achievement (as a Turkey) Award. The first winner was Chris Voelz, the women's athletic director at Minnesota. Former employees wept in appreciation that Voelz finally had received the recognition she deserved.

Again in '96, awarding the Herschel was a no-brainer: The winner is Bud Selig, owner of the Milwaukee Brewers and baseball's acting commissioner for life. Forget Selig's blunders (Teddy Higuera, Franklin Stubbs, etc.) in running the Brewers into the ground.

This is Bud's lasting achievement: Selig led the owners through a four-year labor fight that resulted in the cancellation of a World Series and a 30 percent drop in baseball revenues. In the end, the owners gave away the farm simply for a promise from the Players Association that it won't sue.
There is another mystery to be solved before we announce the grand-prize winner. All season, small groups of ticket buyers would gather at Twins' games, point to the large tent in the second deck in right-center field and ask, "What's that?"

It was The Casbah, the new - and we hope permanent home – for the Turkey Banquet. The committee and its staff spent the summer inside The Casbah, making preparations for today's feast.

This Thanksgiving, we have added to the drama by placing the 1996 Turkey of the Year under the cover of one our many sterling-silver serving trays.

And here she is: Kerri Strug.

Yes, it's the pixie of Atlanta, the little darling who wobbled on her landing, was given a hometown, gold medal decision worthy of South Korean boxing judges, allowed the tyrannical coach, Bela Karolyi, to carry her from the arena because of that turned ankle, and then - as a media creation - backed out on a post-Atlanta tour she had agreed to do with teammates.

When informed on Wednesday of this honor, Strug squeaked: "It's a tribute to my focus and courage. I do have one request. Rather than turkey, stuffing, yams, mashed potatoes, giblet gravy and pumpkin pie, I would like a small serving of Gerber's mashed carrots."

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Atlanta 6 FINAL
Detroit 4
Philadelphia 3 FINAL
Houston 6
St. Louis 4 FINAL
Miami 1
Baltimore 3 FINAL
Tampa Bay 2
NY Yankees 2 FINAL
Pittsburgh 1
Chicago Cubs 6 FINAL
San Francisco 8
Los Angeles 6 FINAL
Chicago WSox 1
San Diego 4 FINAL
Seattle 9
Cleveland 9 FINAL
Cincinnati 3
Milwaukee 2 FINAL
LA Angels 3
Oakland 2 FINAL
Chicago Cubs 2
Texas 4 FINAL
Kansas City 5
Colorado 3 FINAL
Arizona 4
NY Mets 4 FINAL
Washington 5
Boston 8 FINAL
Minnesota 9
Toronto 0 FINAL
Baltimore 5
Oklahoma City 105 FINAL
Chicago 108
Dallas 75 FINAL
Portland 94
Calgary 4 FINAL(SO)
Boston 3
St. Louis 1 FINAL
Philadelphia 3
Minnesota 2 FINAL
Washington 1
Toronto 2 FINAL
Tampa Bay 4
Dallas 4 FINAL(SO)
Florida 3
NY Islanders 4 FINAL
Nashville 3
Vancouver 2 FINAL(SO)
Arizona 3
Montreal 3 FINAL(SO)
Los Angeles 4
Morgan State 76 FINAL
MD-Eastern Shore 89
Niagara 54 FINAL
Siena 71
Holy Cross 83 FINAL
Bucknell 90
Western Ky 88 FINAL
Charlotte 84
Navy 62 FINAL
Colgate 72
Temple 70 FINAL
East Carolina 56
UAB 59 FINAL
Fla Atlantic 62
Boston Univ 64 FINAL
Lafayette 89
American Univ 68 FINAL
Lehigh 62
Wisconsin 76 FINAL
Minnesota 63
Fairfield 33 FINAL
Saint Peters 63
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South Carolina 74
Morehead State 76 FINAL
UT Martin 65
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Fla Gulf Coast 62
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Delaware State 104 FINAL
Coppin State 92
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FIU 59
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Ga Southern 76
Norfolk State 80 FINAL
Hampton 69
NC A&T 58 FINAL
NC Central 69
Savannah State 57 FINAL
Florida A&M 64
Southern Miss 61 FINAL
Louisiana Tech 72
Marshall 50 FINAL
Old Dominion 67
Rice 76 FINAL
TX-San Antonio 74
South Alabama 81 FINAL
Arkansas State 76
Alabama State 78 FINAL
Grambling St 46
Alabama A&M 54 FINAL
Jackson State 72
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Lamar 61
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ULM 50
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Nicholls 77
Portland State 51 FINAL
Northern Ariz 58
Southern U 77 FINAL
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TX A&M-CC 85
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Louisiana 75
SE Louisiana 79 FINAL
New Orleans 85
California 60 FINAL
Arizona 99
Memphis 54 FINAL
Connecticut 53
VA Commonwealth 55 FINAL
Davidson 82
Ark-Pine Bluff 0 Postponed
Miss Valley St 0
Sacramento St 65 FINAL
Southern Utah 69
Northwestern St 66 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 92
North Texas 60 FINAL
Texas-El Paso 83
Colorado 64 FINAL
Washington 47
Idaho 63 FINAL
Weber State 74
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Incarnate Word 64
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Belmont 97
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UC Irvine 68
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Washington St 59
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Michigan 49
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Washington St 66
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(23) Rutgers 63
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Loyola Marymount 68
Auburn 47 FINAL
(18) Texas A&M 57
Morehead St 66 FINAL
Tennessee St 81
George Mason 43 FINAL
Saint Josephs 71
Western Carolina 53 FINAL
East Tenn St 73
Arizona 62 FINAL
UCLA 80
FIU 30 FINAL
Middle Tennessee 79
Texas State 55 FINAL
Appalachian St 61
TX-Arlington 66 FINAL
Georgia Southern 41
SC State 57 FINAL
Bethune-Cookman 56
Delaware State 51 FINAL
Coppin State 80
Portland 58 FINAL
Santa Clara 66
Norfolk State 49 FINAL
Hampton 64
Florida Atlantic 56 FINAL
UAB 59
NC A&T 67 FINAL
NC Central 46
Savannah State 72 FINAL
Florida A&M 51
Virginia Tech 51 FINAL
Pittsburgh 45
Central Arkansas 43 FINAL
Nicholls 53
Houston Baptist 48 FINAL
TX A&M-CC 73
Gardner-Webb 70 FINAL
Radford 56
Georgia 75 FINAL
Missouri 64
Old Dominion 67 FINAL
Marshall 55
Ark-Little Rock 68 FINAL
Louisiana 66
South Alabama 60 FINAL
Arkansas State 70
Georgia State 66 FINAL
ULM 61
Sam Houston St 73 FINAL
Lamar 92
SE Louisiana 75 FINAL
New Orleans 84
Northwestern St 45 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 56
Alabama A&M 58 FINAL
Jackson State 66
Alabama State 68 FINAL
Grambling 62
Southern U 78 FINAL
Prairie View 50
Alcorn State 55 FINAL
Texas Southern 73
Ark-Pine Bluff 0 Postponed
Miss Valley St 0
Wofford 54 FINAL
Mercer 75
Abilene Christian 72 FINAL
Incarnate Word 62
La Salle 60 FINAL
Rhode Island 65
Illinois 71 FINAL
Nebraska 86
TX-San Antonio 60 FINAL
Rice 49
Valparaiso 55 FINAL
Oakland 70
Missouri State 65 FINAL
Indiana State 56
Georgia Tech 64 FINAL
(15) North Carolina 84
Charlotte 72 FINAL
Western Ky 80
Texas-El Paso 69 FINAL
North Texas 61
Wichita State 77 FINAL
Evansville 63
Loyola-Chicago 64 FINAL
Northern Iowa 69
Bradley 70 FINAL
Drake 86
Presbyterian 62 FINAL
High Point 75
Vanderbilt 61 FINAL
(12) Kentucky 67
Colorado 75 FINAL
USC 63
San Francisco 74 FINAL
Pacific 64
Idaho State 58 FINAL
Eastern Washington 62
Weber State 42 FINAL
Idaho 71
Purdue 78 FINAL
Minnesota 82
Cal-Irvine 54 FINAL
Cal State Fullerton 66
Long Beach St 60 FINAL
CS-Northridge 77
Hawaii 60 FINAL
UC Santa Barbara 36
UC Davis 56 FINAL
UC-Riverside 61
Northern Ariz 79 FINAL
Portland State 62
Southern Utah 73 FINAL
Sacramento St 107
Utah 64 FINAL
Washington 75
BYU 65 FINAL
St Marys-CA 64

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