Turkey of the Year 1989: Mike Lynn

  • Updated: November 21, 2012 - 8:13 PM

This has been the year when Pete Rose turned out to be a liar and Steve Garvey turned out to be a two legged version of Seattle Slew. This has been the year when Wade Boggs cried on Barbara Wa-Wa's shoulder. This has been the year when an inspection of Bob Probert's shorts revealed cocaine, and when an inspection of Thomas Strauthers revealed the high standards of journalism we've grown to expect from KARE-11.
 
This has been the year of drunks and druggies - Roy Tarpley, Dexter Manley, Kevin Mack, Charles Thompson and Pat Valenzuela, to name a few. This has been the year when a local entrepreneur revealed a sweatshirt reading "Minnesota D.W.I.kings." This has been the year when Alex Stewart passed his steroid test in Minnesota, then failed it in Dallas.
 
This has been such an astounding year in sports that the Turkey Committee needed isolation to make its decisions. Never has it been so difficult to reduce the number of invitations to the banquet to an elite few. Never has it been so difficult to select the year's No. 1 gobble-head.

There could be no distractions during the committee's deliberations. So, we came here to eastern North Carolina, where isolation is a way of life, where there are no distractions, where the four-star restaurants are El Mejicano and Pizza Hut. Now we know why it was that - not far from here - Orville and Wilbur Wright invented the airplane. They wanted to leave.

The decisions have been made. The invitations have been mailed. The place cards have been set for the 12th Turkey Banquet. It is with pride the committee introduces the 1989 honorees as they prepare to enter the Great Turkey Hall:

Anthony Carter. There were many Vikings worthy of an invitation, but there was unanimous agreement that none of the purple turkeys distinguished himself more than Carter. People figured Carter was letting out the frustration of a salary dispute when he said, "They might as well trade me because I'm not going to put my best foot forward." With 68.8 percent of the schedule complete, A.C. has convinced the committee it wasn't frustration. He was speaking the truth.
 
Dan Gladden and Kent Hrbek. There was sentiment that an invitation should be sent to Frank Viola, the departed Twins pitcher, for his early-season whining. Viola was rejected and the Minnesota baseball honorees are Gladden and Hrbek, the two guys who ripped Viola – a pitcher who never missed a start in 7 1/2 years with the Twins - between their stays on the disabled list.

Dave Anderson. A Pulitzer Prize winner and a fine gentleman, Anderson, a Sport of the Times columnist for the New York Times, has been asked to represent all of the knee-jerk sportswriters who backedthe idiotic notion that the World Series should have been canceled after the Bay Area earthquake.

Dr. Earl Benson. He's the band director from the Bloomington schools, and he has been the man responsible for the musical festivities at the Prep Bowl. Benson also was the man responsible for
the fact that Cretin-Derham Hall and Blaine still were playing at midnight during last year's Prep Bowl. Wonderful news: Benson's interminable, mass-band concert at halftime of the Class AA title game has been dumped for Saturday's Prep Bowl.

Tony Hunter. It is stars such as Hunter, a former running back, who made Minnesotans so proud of the Golden Gophers. Tony still hasn't figured how much it was he received under the table. His public estimates have ranged from $1,000 early in the Luther Darville investigation to $15,000 during Darville's trial. That's not counting what the Gophers spent on Hunter for electricity to run the whirlpool, where he spent most of his career.

William Killingsworth. This is the man behind Killingsworth Associates, a Massachusetts-based consulting firm specializing in sports market analysis. It was a Killingsworth study that said
Canterbury Downs' outrageous projections for attendance and handle - projections needed to make the track financially feasible - could be met. Killingsworth said the same thing about the Birmingham Turf Club, which went dark in less than a year.

Rudy Perpich. The committee considered honoring the Gov for pushing a soccer-and-track complex in Blaine, in view of the fact that these two sports have the fan appeal of tae kwon do in Minnesota. The committee considered honoring the Gov for allowing his yahoos at the amateur sports commission to pay a $600,000 fee for an event – the World Masters Games - that no other area in the world would want. The committee finally decided to honor the Gov for telling his appointee, Ron Gornick of the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission, to push through free rent at the Metrodome for Carl Pohlad's Twins. The Giants were willing to pay $7 million in rent to get a new stadium in San Francisco. The voters rejected the deal. Here, Pohlad gets free rent to
play inside what was already a gold mine for him, and the taxpayers don't get a chance to express an opinion.

Bob Stein. Already, Pat Williams, president of the Orlando Magic, has written a book on the building of an NBA expansion team. Now Stein, the president of the Timberwolves, is using this first season to do research for his book: "Ruining a Good Thing: How Not to Run an NBA Franchise."

Jeff Passolt. It's not easy for a local turkey to beat a nationally prominent gobbler, but Passolt, one of Tom Ryther's caddies at KARE-11, knocked ABC's simpering Al Michaels off the invitation list
with a late rush. Michaels had a lock on it by trying to pass himself off as a compelling journalist because he knew the Bay Bridge connected San Francisco and Oakland. Then, the KARE-11 cameras caught the unsuspecting Strauthers relieving himself, and Passolt pleaded for forgiveness by telling viewers he really, really wants the Vikings to go to the Super Bowl. Is it too early for the Kare Bears to start wearing their purple caps on the set?

Bart Giamatti. The baseball commissioner was a front-runner for the Grand Turkey Award for his incompetent handling of the Rose matter. Then, he up and died. George Steinbrenner said of Giamatti: "He will go down as baseball's greatest commissioner," quite a distinction for a guy who lasted longer in office than Pope John Paul I, but not as long as Konstantin Chernenko. The committee could think of no one more appropriate than Steinbrenner (Grand Turkey, 1981) to represent Giamatti at today's banquet.
 
We also will be honoring the Turkey Team of the Decade, reserving space for University of Minnesota hockey players. The Gophers accomplished the astounding feat of avoiding a national championship during the decade. The committee issued invitations to Mike Anderson and Brian Zins, to symbolize failed Gophers' title hopes, A to Z.

That gets us to the moment when the 1989 Grand Turkey will step forward to take a place on the wall of champions: Woody Hayes (1978), Pete Rozelle and Bowie Kuhn (1979), Bobby Knight (1980), Steinbrenner, Billy Martin (1982), Paul Giel (1983), Les Steckel (1984), Lou Holtz (1985), Kenneth Keller (1986), Pohlad (1987) and Lou Nanne (1988).

If you scan that list, it becomes obvious there is a turkey in our midst who demands recognition. This gentleman has been nominated often, but he has never received his due as the No. 1 drum-stiff of them all. The time has come.

For stabbing Jim Finks in the back, for being so detested by employees that the best group of players around refuses to win, for taking an entire football operation to Charlotte, N.C., so you could be introduced at halftime of a basketball game, for treating a good man such as Darrin Nelson like dirt, for the smirk that won't go away . . .

Yes, for all you do, Mike Lynn, this Grand Turkey is for you.

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Cincinnati 20
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Denver
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Seattle
Cincinnati 12/28/14 7:30 PM
Pittsburgh
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Charlotte 110
Portland 83 4th Qtr 8:42
Houston 100
Utah 75 4th Qtr 5:32
Memphis 77
Toronto 95 4th Qtr 7:00
Chicago 96
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Dallas 48
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Sacramento 9:30 PM
Golden State
Ottawa 1 FINAL
Washington 2
Nashville 5 FINAL
Columbus 1
Pittsburgh 3 3rd Prd 2:42
Florida 3
Arizona 9:00 PM
Vancouver
San Jose 9:00 PM
Anaheim
Calgary 9:30 PM
Los Angeles
Ark-Little Rock 64 FINAL
Bradley 54
Brown 67 FINAL
Central Conn St 55
Stetson 59 FINAL
Florida State 63
Ill-Chicago 46 FINAL
Northwestern 63
Ohio 49 FINAL
George Washington 77
Southern Utah 61 FINAL
Ark-Pine Bluff 70
Elon 67 FINAL
Kennesaw St 65
Dartmouth 49 FINAL
Penn State 69
Green Bay 70 FINAL
UC Irvine 72
DePaul 68 FINAL
Colorado 82
Lewis & Clark 49 FINAL
Portland 71
SC State 59 FINAL
Abilene Christian 65
Manhattan 71 FINAL
Fordham 57
Truett-McConnell 57 FINAL
Ga Southern 90
Citadel 56 FINAL
Michigan State 82
Miami-Ohio 55 FINAL
Ohio State 93
Gardner-Webb 89 FINAL
Purdue 84
Idaho 68 FINAL
Northern Ky 81
Fairfield 66 FINAL
Albany 77
North Dakota St 61 FINAL
Alcorn State 50
UT Martin 37 FINAL
Butler 64
SE Louisiana 65 FINAL
UCF 70
Oakland 60 FINAL
Clemson 70
Florida A&M 57 FINAL
East Carolina 75
Eastern Ky 66 FINAL
Fla Atlantic 69
IUPU-Ft Wayne 43 FINAL
Illinois State 68
Norfolk State 74 FINAL
James Madison 71
Binghamton 68 FINAL
Mount St Marys 69
Towson 56 FINAL
Navy 61
Long Island 73 FINAL
New Hampshire 72
Northern Ill 66 FINAL
Notre Dame 91
William & Mary 62 FINAL
Old Dominion 69
Liberty 47 FINAL
Princeton 65
Delaware 81 FINAL
Robert Morris 84
MD-Eastern Shore 82 FINAL
St Bonaventure 80
Colgate 43 FINAL
Syracuse 78
Kansas 52 FINAL
Temple 77
Mercer 54 FINAL
Tennessee 64
East Tenn St 60 FINAL
VA Commonwealth 84
Va Military 74 FINAL
Virginia Tech 87
Bucknell 53 FINAL
Wake Forest 60
Alabama A&M 62 FINAL
Western Mich 71
New Orleans 59 FINAL
Indiana 79
Columbia 65 FINAL
Connecticut 80
Long Beach State 49 FINAL
St Johns 66
Wofford 44 FINAL
West Virginia 77
Southern U 65 2nd Half 0:14
Baylor 68
UAB 63 2nd Half 1:05
Chattanooga 82
Char Southern 54 FINAL
Colorado State 75
North Florida 70 FINAL
Iowa 80
NC Central 49 2nd Half 3:20
Jackson State 51
Rice 69 1st OT 3:41
Lamar 72
Central Mich 89 FINAL
McNeese State 56
Coppin State 56 FINAL
Michigan 72
Furman 76 FINAL
Minnesota 86
SE Missouri St 46 2nd Half 2:00
Ole Miss 75
Weber State 51 FINAL
Oklahoma 85
Grambling St 39 FINAL
TCU 80
Loyola-Chicago 62 FINAL
Texas Tech 44
Incarnate Word 47 FINAL
Tulsa 76
Penn 50 FINAL
Vanderbilt 79
Chicago State 38 FINAL
SIU Edwardsville 63
Simpson 62 FINAL
Drake 84
Tenn Tech 77 2nd Half 2:11
UMKC 56
Murray State 73 2nd Half 3:44
Southern Ill 66
Oral Roberts 45 FINAL
Missouri State 52
Jacksonville St 33 2nd Half 14:38
Air Force 40
Milwaukee 24 2nd Half
Arkansas 35
Wisconsin 32 2nd Half
California 20
Coll of Charleston 15 2nd Half
LSU 35
North Dakota 29 2nd Half 18:57
Marquette 26
Northern New Mexico 20 2nd Half
New Mexico St 39
UC Santa Barbara 30 2nd Half 20:00
Oregon 36
Miami-Florida 30 1st Half 0:52
Providence 33
Northeastern 40 2nd Half
St Marys-CA 38
Kent State 37 1st Half 1:46
Texas-El Paso 41
UC Davis 30 2nd Half
Northern Colorado 29
Lewis-Clark State 30 2nd Half 20:00
Eastern Wash 43
Walla Walla 29 2nd Half 19:40
Portland State 48
TX A&M-CC 9:00 PM
Cal State Fullerton
Marshall 9:00 PM
Nevada
Boise State 9:30 PM
Houston
UC Riverside 10:00 PM
San Diego St
Tulane 10:00 PM
Washington
Loyola Marymount 10:00 PM
Wichita State
Nebraska 12/23/14 12:00 AM
Hawaii
BYU 48 FINAL
Memphis 55
Marshall 12/23/14 5:00 PM
Northern Ill
Navy 12/23/14 8:30 PM
San Diego St
Central Mich 12/24/14 11:00 AM
Western Ky
Fresno State 12/24/14 7:00 PM
Rice
Illinois 12/26/14 12:00 PM
Louisiana Tech
Rutgers 12/26/14 3:30 PM
North Carolina
NC State 12/26/14 7:00 PM
UCF
Cincinnati 12/27/14 12:00 PM
Virginia Tech
Duke 12/27/14 1:10 PM
(15) Arizona State
Miami-Florida 12/27/14 3:00 PM
So Carolina
Boston College 12/27/14 3:30 PM
Penn State
(25) Nebraska 12/27/14 7:00 PM
(24) USC
Texas A&M 12/29/14 1:00 PM
West Virginia
Oklahoma 12/29/14 4:30 PM
(18) Clemson
Arkansas 12/29/14 8:00 PM
Texas
UMass Lowell 63 FINAL
Holy Cross 78
Temple 59 FINAL
Villanova 64
Georgia Southern 68 FINAL
Southern U 52
Xavier 60 FINAL
Kennesaw St 61
Eastern Michigan 52 FINAL
Michigan 81
Brescia 56 FINAL
Marshall 127
(21) West Virginia 54 FINAL
Ohio State 96
UMBC 87 FINAL
MD-Eastern Shore 78
Cornell 79 FINAL
Loyola-Maryland 61
St Bonaventure 70 FINAL
Georgetown 64
New Hampshire 63 FINAL
Northeastern 62
Eastern Washington 67 FINAL
Florida 56
Rice 63 FINAL
Texas Southern 69
Butler 72 FINAL
Illinois State 60
UC Davis 59 FINAL
(16) Stanford 71
Washington St 87 FINAL
Loyola Marymount 60
Sacramento St 94 FINAL
San Jose St 97
SIU-Edwardsville 74 FINAL
UMKC 58
Oakland 92 FINAL
IUPU-Ft Wayne 84
Belmont 43 FINAL
(14) Georgia 62
George Mason 83 FINAL
Longwood 61
Kansas 81 FINAL
Creighton 84
Abilene Christian 53 FINAL
Kansas State 68
UT Martin 65 FINAL
Missouri 74
Hampton 67 FINAL
DePaul 86
Florida State 65 FINAL
Tulane 54
Murray State 44 FINAL
Illinois 64
Fla Gulf Coast 74 FINAL
Arkansas State 68
BYU 27 2nd Half 16:27
Utah State 27

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