Rhetoric raises bar, then lowers the boom

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Rhetoric raises bar, then lowers the boom

Article by: Jim Souhan , Star Tribune
Updated: May 17, 2007 - 10:07 PM

The 'new-and-improved' tag, once dug out of the recycling bin, will always spin false but fresh hope for a success-starved fan base.

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The Star Tribune headline read: "The New Chemistry: Glen Taylor and the Wolves' front office now emphasize input from many perspectives, hoping it will lead to moves that revitalize the franchise."

Which prompted this thought: Has a sports team -- or a newspaper, car company or widget maker -- ever offered a product that wasn't purported to be new and improved?

Can we get the Elias Sports Bureau to look up how many championships have been won by holding more meetings involving more voices?

Think how much satire and ridicule sports franchises could avoid if, instead of trying to sell the public on the wonders of group-think -- or on Sidney Ponson or Kim Johnsson -- they offered a shrug and an admission that they, like the rest of us, have no idea what the future holds?

Here's a look at how some teams have sold themselves, and what they would have told us had they ingested a little Sodium Pentothal:

Twins

The pitch: We've got the MVP, the Cy Young winner, the batting champ and a Gold Glove center fielder and we won 96 games last year with a bunch of guys who had career years.

The truth-serum kicker: no way that can happen again.

Yankees

The pitch: We just outbid every team in baseball to bring our fans a Hall of Fame pitcher.

The truth-serum kicker: After spending $200 million to build a team, you think it would take us longer than six weeks to scrap whatever plans we had made, whatever team rules we held dear and whatever dignity remained in the pinstripe.

Vikings

The pitch: Last year we talked about winning; this year we're talking about building.

The truth-serum kicker: Can we go back and try that the other way around?

Wolves

The pitch: We've got the same people who have made the NBA irrelevant in the Twin Cities, but we've got a new attitude.

The truth-serum kicker: No, we really can't believe we're trying to sell tickets by telling the public that we're going to hold more meetings.

Wild

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