Patrick Reusse: The next blog could be right around the corner

  • Article by: PATRICK REUSSE , Star Tribune
  • Updated: February 27, 2007 - 1:23 PM

Journalism is getting very crowded in this new age of the blogosphere, with the Internet giving anyone with an opinion and a computer a venue to vent.

Portly Old Scribe (POS) was waddling down Fifth Street. There was a gentleman coming in the opposite direction. He was pushing a shopping cart filled with various items, including what seemed to be his next day's wardrobe options.

He turned the cart at an angle in front of POS. The scribe started to reach for his wallet, figuring a couple of bucks might cause him to remove the sidewalk blockade.

"No, big man, I ain't looking for a handout," he said. "I recognize your moon face from the newspapers I use as a mattress. I just wanted to introduce myself, and let you know we're going to be colleagues."

Colleagues?

"Yeah, I'm starting a Twins blog this week for your website," he said. "Homeless Hans' Homerisms, but go ahead ... just call it HHH."

The scribe was aware that Twins blogs were multiplying on startribune.com like the stallion A.P. Indy, but this revelation led to a request for details.

HHH: "I just happened to be the right person in the right place at the right time. I was taking a rest in that little park across from 425 Portland, a guy came out the front door, jaywalked across the street and sat on the park bench.

"We started talking, he asked if I knew anything about the Twins, I said, 'Always read about 'em when I find an old newspaper,' and he signed me up for the blog right there.

"Homeless Hans' Homerisms. Beautiful!"

POS: "I have a confession to make, Hans. I'm not really into this blog stuff."

HHH: "The problem, oldtimer, is you're stuck in the time warp that thinks New Journalism is synonymous with Tom Wolfe. What we have now is New-Newer-Newest Journalism -- an America with 300 million columnists."

POS: "But that word, blog, what is it?

HHH: "How dumb are you? Everyone knows blog is an acronym for boot licking, obfuscation and grandiosity."

POS: "That's a coincidence, Hans. I've had all those moves in my repertoire during a long, distinguished print career."

HHH: "Print! Why ya' even mentioning that word in 2007? You better cannonball into the blog pool, chubby, and pronto ... like in the next 15 minutes."

POS: "I'm still confused. Exactly what is it that you, Homeless Hans, plan to give fans that they can't get on the several thousand other blogs offering Twins insights?"

HHH: "Glad you asked. Often during the past 20 years, I've seen pedestrians steer clear when they see and hear me on the street corner, muttering.

"What they don't know is what I'm doing is mentally and verbally running the numbers that I use to quantify a hitter's contribution to a ballclub."

POS: "Runs scored, runs batted in, batting average?"

HHH: "I knew those stats were passé before Bill James' first book was a gleam in his publisher's eye. What you get from Hans is an exclusive look at the OBPSPCAL/ CGEHFTxTB/GDP statistic. You'll be able to find the key number for every player on my blog."

POS: "Any chance you could enlighten me on how you arrive at the one number that tells us all we need to know about a big-league hitter?"

HHH: "Simple, really. On-base percentage, plus slugging percentage, plus close-and-late average, divided by times you couldn't get 'em home from third, multiplied by total bases, divided by grounded into double plays.

"And get this? OBPSPCAL/CGEHFTxTB/GDP proves Matt LeCroy should be the Twins' starting catcher and not Joe Mauer."

POS: "Any other insights you plan to offer HHH loyalists?"

HHH: "I'm going to rail against the idea of building a new Twins stadium behind the Target Center parking ramps."

POS: "Do you feel those few acres will be too compact for a proper ballpark? Or is it having the facility so close to a garbage burner?"

HHH: "Wrong, and wrong again. For the past decade, on a cool night, I've been hunkering down in the low part of that parking lot and getting my eight hours."

POS: "You sleep on that sacred site, Hans -- on land owned by widows and aging orphans?"

HHH: "It's perfect. You get down in the bottom of that ditch and the wind doesn't get at you at all. [Pause.]

"Now that I think about it, big man, keep cranking out those newspaper columns, because there's nothing ol' Hans finds more comfortable than sleeping on a bundle of Sunday sports sections."

  • get related content delivered to your inbox

  • manage my email subscriptions

ADVERTISEMENT

Tampa 0 Top 5th Inning
Philadelphia 2
LA Clippers 43 3rd Qtr 11:08
Chicago 43
Cleveland 2:30 PM
Houston
Golden State 5:00 PM
Boston
Philadelphia 5:00 PM
Indiana
Portland 5:00 PM
Sacramento
Charlotte 5:00 PM
Orlando
Oklahoma City 5:30 PM
LA Lakers
New Orleans 7:00 PM
Denver
Los Angeles 3:00 PM
Winnipeg
Tampa Bay 4:00 PM
Florida
Columbus 4:00 PM
Pittsburgh
Toronto 6:00 PM
Washington
Anaheim 7:00 PM
Dallas
St. Louis 8:30 PM
Vancouver
SMU 4 1st Half 14:15
Connecticut 7
Quinnipiac 8 1st Half 12:36
Manhattan 14
Fairfield 5 1st Half 14:59
Niagara 11
Marist 4 1st Half 14:50
Rider 0
Iona 15 1st Half 11:31
Saint Peters 20
Oregon State 2:00 PM
California
South Florida 2:00 PM
Houston
Marquette 2:30 PM
Providence
Michigan State 3:00 PM
Wisconsin
Siena 3:30 PM
Monmouth
Pittsburgh 5:30 PM
Wake Forest
Oregon 6:00 PM
Stanford
Purdue 6:30 PM
Ohio State
Arizona State 7:30 PM
Colorado
Washington St 8:30 PM
UCLA
Georgetown 66 FINAL
Providence 81
Binghamton 29 2nd Half 15:28
UMBC 40
Elon 52 2nd Half 13:30
Hofstra 29
Virginia Tech 31 2nd Half 14:31
Boston College 31
(8) Louisville 37 2nd Half 13:33
Virginia 43
Texas 41 2nd Half 12:50
West Virginia 36
Creighton 34 2nd Half 13:50
Villanova 33
Seton Hall 58 2nd Half 8:00
Butler 57
UNC-Wilmington 40 2nd Half 16:20
Coll of Charleston 33
(5) Maryland 41 2nd Half 13:03
(25) Northwestern 33
Saint Josephs 44 2nd Half 12:30
La Salle 31
Louisiana Tech 24 2nd Half 15:12
TX-San Antonio 39
Rhode Island 11 1st Half 15:19
Massachusetts 3
Richmond 4 1st Half 13:22
VA Commonwealth 9
Davidson 8 1st Half 13:20
Fordham 15
St Bonaventure 6 1st Half 12:54
Duquesne 9
George Mason 0 1st Half 15:45
(22) George Washington 11
Indiana 8 1st Half 13:02
(20) Rutgers 15
(12) Texas A&M 2 1st Half 18:07
LSU 9
Ole Miss 9 1st Half 12:32
(11) Miss State 6
Clemson 13 1st Half 12:09
Pittsburgh 4
Maine 15 1st Half 10:12
New Hampshire 9
Vermont 7 1st Half 12:55
Albany 11
Quinnipiac 8 1st Half 14:23
Monmouth 5
Saint Peters 8 1st Half 14:24
Siena 6
(4) Notre Dame 14 1st Half 12:16
NC State 8
Wisconsin 9 1st Half 11:53
Penn State 10
Stony Brook 3 1st Half 17:51
Hartford 0
Northeastern 5 1st Half 15:41
William & Mary 6
St Johns 6 1st Half 15:09
Xavier 4
James Madison 13 1st Half 11:39
Delaware 19
Towson 2:00 PM
Drexel
Illinois State 2:00 PM
Bradley
Southern Ill 2:00 PM
Loyola-Chicago
Northern Iowa 2:00 PM
Wichita State
Minnesota 2:00 PM
(17) Iowa
(15) North Carolina 2:00 PM
(16) Duke
Alabama 2:00 PM
Auburn
(9) Florida State 2:00 PM
Miami-Florida
Arkansas 2:00 PM
Missouri
Georgia 2:00 PM
Florida
Dayton 2:00 PM
Saint Louis
Drake 2:05 PM
Missouri State
Colorado 3:00 PM
(10) Arizona State
(19) Stanford 3:00 PM
Oregon
Marquette 3:00 PM
DePaul
Southern Miss 3:00 PM
Texas-El Paso
Vanderbilt 4:00 PM
(6) Tennessee
(2) South Carolina 4:00 PM
(13) Kentucky
Utah 4:00 PM
Arizona
Ohio State 4:00 PM
Nebraska

ADVERTISEMENT

question of the day

Poll: With Adrian Peterson's suspension overturned, what should the Vikings do?

Weekly Question

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Connect with twitterConnect with facebookConnect with Google+Connect with PinterestConnect with PinterestConnect with RssfeedConnect with email newsletters

ADVERTISEMENT

 
Close