sports

POS: "Runs scored, runs batted in, batting average?"

HHH: "I knew those stats were passé before Bill James' first book was a gleam in his publisher's eye. What you get from Hans is an exclusive look at the OBPSPCAL/ CGEHFTxTB/GDP statistic. You'll be able to find the key number for every player on my blog."

POS: "Any chance you could enlighten me on how you arrive at the one number that tells us all we need to know about a big-league hitter?"

HHH: "Simple, really. On-base percentage, plus slugging percentage, plus close-and-late average, divided by times you couldn't get 'em home from third, multiplied by total bases, divided by grounded into double plays.

"And get this? OBPSPCAL/CGEHFTxTB/GDP proves Matt LeCroy should be the Twins' starting catcher and not Joe Mauer."

POS: "Any other insights you plan to offer HHH loyalists?"

HHH: "I'm going to rail against the idea of building a new Twins stadium behind the Target Center parking ramps."

POS: "Do you feel those few acres will be too compact for a proper ballpark? Or is it having the facility so close to a garbage burner?"

HHH: "Wrong, and wrong again. For the past decade, on a cool night, I've been hunkering down in the low part of that parking lot and getting my eight hours."

POS: "You sleep on that sacred site, Hans -- on land owned by widows and aging orphans?"

HHH: "It's perfect. You get down in the bottom of that ditch and the wind doesn't get at you at all. [Pause.]

"Now that I think about it, big man, keep cranking out those newspaper columns, because there's nothing ol' Hans finds more comfortable than sleeping on a bundle of Sunday sports sections."

Patrick Reusse can be heard weekdays on AM-1500 KSTP at 6:45 and 7:45 a.m. and 4:40 p.m. preusse@startribune.com