Reusse: This Turkey of the Year is a squeaker

  • Article by: PATRICK REUSSE , Star Tribune
  • Updated: November 27, 1996 - 10:00 PM

The Tournament of Turkeys Committee, the group that sponsors the Festival of Turkeys Parade and the Turkey Banquet, annually faces enormous financial obligations. In 1995, the committee wound up with a bottom-line deficit after merchandise sales fell to an all-time low.

Arthur Finkelstein, fresh from the Rudy Boschwitz campaign, was hired as the committee's consultant. Arthur told us: "You can't sit back and let a bunch of long-haired, pot-smoking, flag-burning liberal wimps corner the market with `Save the Whales' T-shirts. You must go on the attack. You need a new logo - a turkey so mean that people are going to buy out of fear that, if they don't, that Big Tom is going to jump off the T-shirt and peck away until he bleeds 'em dry."

Yes, Arthur can become overly passionate in his views, but the committee took his advice. The committee is unveiling the new logo today, on the occasion of the 19th annual Turkey Banquet. Obviously, there has never been a logo remotely similar to the new Turkey , which is sure to inspire record sales at our Gobble-dygook Gift Shops.

The Turkey Committee waddles toward the 21st century, confident in its financial future and bursting with pride at this year's flock of Turkey honorees: - Doug Woog. The Gophers' coach has given a whole new meaning to an old hockey term - hat trick. It used to be three straight goals. Now, it is, "You'll find the $500 in a hat under my office desk." - Dave Stevens. This is the other Dave Stevens, not the Twins relief pitcher famed for the prodigious home runs that he gives up. This Stevens is the ESPN producer who was given a much-ballyhooed tryout with the St. Paul Veecks of the Northern League in May. The TV barking dogs and the minicams went hard for this story, since Stevens has no legs. The committee admires Stevens' timing. The Twin Cities has a mostly new generation of barking dogs since Dave offered the same storyline and action shots for the minicams while participating in the Twins' tryout camp in 1984. - Arne Carlson. The surplus-happy Gov wants the Gophers to give $1 million per year to their next football coach, and he doesn't care who it is. - Stephen Cito. His son Mike, a junior football player at St. Pius X High in Albuquerque, N.M., complained that he had been a victim of cheap shots during a game. Cito, a pediatric dentist, had Mike bring home his helmet. Then, the dentist ground the two chinstrap buckles to razor-sharp edges. The officials discovered this when two players from Academy High were observed bleeding from cuts on their hands and arms.

The committee's advice: If you ever wind up in Dr. Cito's chair, don't let him administer gas. This is one dentist a patient wants to keep an eye on. - Pat Forciea. The ever-present Iron Ranger entered 1996 as Minnesota's marketing genius. His major tasks were selling tickets for the Twins and the football Gophers. The Twins' per capita fell because of discounted tickets and attendance remained well below pre-strike levels. The Gophers continued to lose before sections of empty seats.

The Forciea phenomenon started in 1990, when he was the campaign manager for Paul Wellstone in his senatorial race against Boschwitz. Wellstone won by 2.6 percentage points. In the rematch this month, Wellstone - without Forciea's guidance - beat Boschwitz by 12 percentage points. - Greg Norman. The committee has assigned a waiter to cut Norman's serving of bird into very small pieces at today's banquet. None of us wants to watch him choke again. - Linda Hill-MacDonald. Four Minnesota high school seniors are rated among the top 25 players in the country. The Gophers and coach Hill-MacDonald went 0-for-4 in recruiting the blue-chippers. Seventeen Minnesota girls were signed early to Division 1-A scholarships. Hill-MacDonald landed one. The committee's guess, Linda, is that the in-state recruits were scared off when they saw the depth on your 1996-97 Gophers. - Isaiah Rider Jr. We had to invite him, but here is the good news: J.R. can't make it. His car won't start. He didn't get his wakeup call. The pipes froze. The cab driver took him to the wrong hotel. He was abducted by aliens. No, wait - he is an alien. In fact, the committee has learned that Ivan Reitman went to a Lakers game a couple of years ago, saw J.R. playing for the Timberwolves, and that gave Reitman the idea for "Space Jam." - Bob Huggins. The Cincinnati basketball coach started the 1996-97 season No. 1 in the Division I ratings and No. 302 in graduation rates. Coach Huggins gets all emotional when one of his players proudly accepts a diploma. Unfortunately, that has not yet happened in Huggins' seven years with the Bearcats. - Terry Ryan. The Twins' general manager let outfielder Kimera Bartee, the player with a chance to save the Scott Erickson trade, get away for $50,000. First baseman Travis Lee, the No. 2 choice in the June draft, was allowed to get away when Ryan - after a clerical error - did not have the good sense to panic and get him signed. And finally, it took Dark Star, the most mysterious figure this side of Kato Kaelin, to get Chuck Knoblauch signed to a $30 million contract.

There has not been a Minnesota sports executive to have such an outstanding year since Remarkable Mike Lynn made the Herschel Walker trade.

Speaking of which: One year ago, the committee voted to institute the Herschel Walker Lifetime Achievement (as a Turkey ) Award. The first winner was Chris Voelz, the women's athletic director at Minnesota. Former employees wept in appreciation that Voelz finally had received the recognition she deserved.

Again in '96, awarding the Herschel was a no-brainer: The winner is Bud Selig, owner of the Milwaukee Brewers and baseball's acting commissioner for life. Forget Selig's blunders (Teddy Higuera, Franklin Stubbs, etc.) in running the Brewers into the ground.

This is Bud's lasting achievement: Selig led the owners through a four-year labor fight that resulted in the cancellation of a World Series and a 30 percent drop in baseball revenues. In the end, the owners gave away the farm simply for a promise from the Players Association that it won't sue.

There is another mystery to be solved before we announce the grand-prize winner. All season, small groups of ticket buyers would gather at Twins' games, point to the large tent in the second deck in right-center field and ask, "What's that?"

It was The Casbah, the new - and we hope permanent home - for the Turkey Banquet. The committee and its staff spent the summer inside The Casbah, making preparations for today's feast.

This Thanksgiving, we have added to the drama by placing the 1996 Turkey of the Year under the cover of one our many sterling-silver serving trays.

And here she is: Kerri Strug.

Yes, it's the pixie of Atlanta, the little darling who wobbled on her landing, was given a hometown, gold-medal decision worthy of South Korean boxing judges, allowed the tyrannical coach, Bela Karolyi, to carry her from the arena because of that turned ankle, and then - as a media creation - backed out on a post-Atlanta tour she had agreed to do with teammates.

When informed on Wednesday of this honor, Strug squeaked: "It's a tribute to my focus and courage. I do have one request. Rather than turkey , stuffing, yams, mashed potatoes, giblet gravy and pumpkin pie, I would like a small serving of Gerber's mashed carrots."

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Philadelphia 24 FINAL
Washington 27
San Diego 7 2nd Qtr 0:18
San Francisco 21
Minnesota 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Baltimore 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Detroit 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Cleveland 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Atlanta 12/21/14 12:00 PM
New Orleans
Green Bay 12/21/14 12:00 PM
Tampa Bay
Kansas City 12/21/14 12:00 PM
New England 12/21/14 12:00 PM
NY Jets
NY Giants 12/21/14 3:05 PM
St. Louis
Buffalo 12/21/14 3:25 PM
Indianapolis 12/21/14 3:25 PM
Seattle 12/21/14 7:30 PM
Denver 12/22/14 7:30 PM
Phoenix 99 FINAL
New York 90
Portland 114 FINAL
New Orleans 88
Utah 86 FINAL
Charlotte 104
Atlanta 74 4th Qtr
Houston 74
San Antonio 47 3rd Qtr
Dallas 42
Indiana 25 2nd Qtr 6:25
Denver 23
Milwaukee 9:30 PM
LA Clippers
Arizona 2 FINAL
Los Angeles 4
Colorado 5 FINAL
Buffalo 1
Philadelphia 7 FINAL
Toronto 4
Ottawa 1 FINAL
Montreal 4
Washington 4 FINAL
New Jersey 0
Tampa Bay 1 FINAL
NY Islanders 3
Florida 1 3rd Prd 2:37
Pittsburgh 3
NY Rangers 3 FINAL(SO)
Carolina 2
Chicago 2 2nd OT :00
Columbus 2
Nashville 3 2nd Prd 3:02
Minnesota 3
Calgary 9:00 PM
St. Louis 9:30 PM
San Jose
VA Commonwealth 68 FINAL
Cincinnati 47
Charlotte 78 FINAL
Georgetown 81
Michigan 51
Louisville 76 FINAL
Western Ky 67
Mount St Marys 45 FINAL
American Univ 46
Abilene Christian 33 FINAL
Boise State 77
UMass Lowell 63 FINAL
Duquesne 79
South Alabama 65 FINAL
Ohio State 74 FINAL
North Carolina 82
Massachusetts 65 FINAL
Providence 85
Syracuse 77 FINAL
Villanova 82
Citadel 61 FINAL
Virginia Tech 64
Belmont 73 FINAL
Fairfield 61
St Bonaventure 69 FINAL
Binghamton 51
Montreat 64 FINAL
Campbell 90
Delaware 74 FINAL
Fair-Dickinson 76
South Florida 62 FINAL
Florida State 75
Vanderbilt 60 FINAL
Georgia Tech 65
SC State 71 FINAL
Houston 63
Missouri 59 FINAL
Illinois 62
Truett-McConnell 55 FINAL
Jacksonville 84
Toledo 83 FINAL
McNeese State 69
Elon 71 FINAL
UNC Greensboro 64
Drexel 68 FINAL
Penn State 73
St Francis-PA 73 FINAL
Rutgers 68
Albany 64 FINAL
Yale 60
PSU-Beaver 74 FINAL
Longwood 106
Eastern Ill 60 FINAL
Indiana State 56
Indiana 82 FINAL
Butler 73
Marshall 58 FINAL
Arkansas State 67
Lafayette 69 FINAL
Kansas 96
Oral Roberts 63 FINAL
Memphis 78
Western Mich 61 FINAL
Northwestern 67
Delaware State 70 FINAL
Oregon 83
Fla Atlantic 56 FINAL
St Francis-NY 61
Arkansas Tech 57 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 94
Howard Payne 50 FINAL
Texas-Arlington 89
Kennesaw St 53
St Josephs (IN) 54 FINAL
Chicago State 77
Eastern Mich 77 FINAL
Missouri State 65
Kentucky 83
UC Davis 81 FINAL
Air Force 75
Houston Baptist 67 FINAL
UC Riverside 78
Davidson 80 FINAL
Coll of Charleston 68
USC Upstate 53 FINAL
Miss State 51
NC Central 94 FINAL
Miss Valley St 60
Illinois State 77 FINAL
Murray State 89
Louisiana 85 FINAL
Northwestern St 89
Oakland 77 FINAL
Pittsburgh 81
Detroit 55 FINAL
Rhode Island 69
Presbyterian 60 FINAL
UT Martin 77
Monmouth 74 FINAL
Wagner 66
Southern U 39 FINAL
Wyoming 57
Iowa State 83 FINAL
Drake 54
Wake Forest 50 FINAL
Florida 63
High Point 80 FINAL
James Madison 71
Texas Southern 71 FINAL
Michigan State 64
New Hampshire 60 FINAL
Sacred Heart 73
Northeastern 78 FINAL
Santa Clara 72
Huston-Tillotson 56 FINAL
Texas State 90
Purdue 63 FINAL
Notre Dame 94
Prairie View 44 FINAL
Sam Houston St 61
Xavier 88 FINAL
Auburn 89
Bluffton 53 FINAL
Akron 92
Central Conn St 76
Hofstra 77 FINAL
Columbia 82
Boston Univ 62 FINAL
Dayton 78
Iona 81 FINAL
George Mason 86
Valparaiso 75 FINAL
IUPU-Ft Wayne 72
Texas A&M 64 FINAL
Kansas State 71
Morgan State 69 FINAL
Manhattan 73
Saint Josephs 75 FINAL
Marist 58
East Carolina 54 FINAL
UNC-Wilmington 66
Richmond 65 FINAL
Pepperdine 63
La Salle 67 FINAL
Towson 53
Incarnate Word 96 2nd OT 0:02
CS-Bakersfield 59 FINAL
Idaho State 50
Iowa 44 FINAL
Northern Iowa 56
Milwaukee 56 FINAL
SIU Edwardsville 61
Long Beach State 58 2nd Half 6:54
Texas 69
TX-San Antonio 48 2nd Half 5:23
TCU 79
SE Missouri St 40 2nd Half 15:44
Arkansas 49
Lehigh 32 2nd Half
Arizona State 24
New Mexico 20 1st Half 7:20
New Mexico St 14
Oklahoma 23 1st Half 2:06
Washington 37
Utah Valley U 22 1st Half 2:43
Weber State 31
Jacksonville St 31 1st Half 0:45
Northern Colorado 28
St Edwards 31 1st Half 2:03
Grand Canyon 35
NC State 8 1st Half 14:26
West Virginia 6
TX A&M-CC 9:00 PM
Cal Poly 9:00 PM
Fresno State 9:00 PM
Montana State 9:00 PM
Ball State 9:00 PM
San Diego St
South Dakota St 9:05 PM
Utah State
Stanford 10:00 PM
Utah 10:30 PM
Nevada 3 FINAL
Louisiana 16
Utah State 21 FINAL
Texas-El Paso 6
(23) Utah 45 FINAL
Colorado State 10
Western Mich 24 FINAL
Air Force 38
South Alabama 0 1st Qtr 7:05
Bowling Green 14
BYU 12/22/14 1:00 PM
Marshall 12/23/14 5:00 PM
Northern Ill
Navy 12/23/14 8:30 PM
San Diego St
Central Mich 12/24/14 11:00 AM
Western Ky
Fresno State 12/24/14 7:00 PM
Illinois 12/26/14 12:00 PM
Louisiana Tech
Rutgers 12/26/14 3:30 PM
North Carolina
NC State 12/26/14 7:00 PM
Cincinnati 12/27/14 12:00 PM
Virginia Tech
Duke 12/27/14 1:10 PM
(15) Arizona State
Miami-Florida 12/27/14 3:00 PM
So Carolina
Boston College 12/27/14 3:30 PM
Penn State
(25) Nebraska 12/27/14 7:00 PM
(24) USC
Livingstone 77 FINAL
UNC Greensboro 81
Loyola-Chicago 58 FINAL
Dartmouth 70
Georgia Tech 65 FINAL
St Francis-NY 59
Auburn 49 FINAL
St Johns 56
East Tenn St 56 FINAL
Jacksonville St 57
Western Mich 71 FINAL
Detroit 57
Cal-Irvine 42 FINAL
Wright State 80
Gardner-Webb 47 FINAL
Kennesaw St 50
(7) Stanford 40 FINAL
(11) Tennessee 59
Alabama A&M 47 FINAL
Ole Miss 71
Central Michigan 45 FINAL
(1) South Carolina 80
Nebraska Omaha 50 FINAL
Creighton 67
Western Carolina 83
Houston 65 FINAL
Nicholls 47
St Thomas Aquinas 45 FINAL
Army 70
St Bonaventure 72 FINAL
Niagara 60
Texas State 57 FINAL
Stetson 75
George Mason 65 FINAL
ULM 53
Grambling 38 FINAL
Kansas State 61
Missouri 79 FINAL
Wake Forest 64
Robert Morris 59 FINAL
Cornell 70
Air Force 44 FINAL
Abilene Christian 80
Hampton 53 FINAL
James Madison 85
American Univ 64 FINAL
MD-Eastern Shore 52
Texas Southern 63 FINAL
TX A&M-CC 68
Tenn Tech 49 FINAL
NC A&T 54
Presbyterian 45 FINAL
NC Central 33
Penn 58 FINAL
Drexel 67
Lipscomb 38 FINAL
Xavier 62
Vermont 40 FINAL
Green Bay 60
Charleston Southern 70 FINAL
UNC-Wilmington 80
Ohio Christian 62 FINAL
Akron 97
Jacksonville 62 FINAL
Murray State 80
(17) Rutgers 66 FINAL
Iona 58
Indiana 88 FINAL
Oakland 61
Indiana State 64 FINAL
SMU 55
Denver 51 FINAL
Purdue 65
TX-San Antonio 48 FINAL
Texas Tech 64
Middle Tennessee 79
Campbell 66 FINAL
Bethune-Cookman 55
Florida A&M 67 FINAL
SE Louisiana 69
Northwestern St 61 FINAL
Jackson State 62
Lehigh 61 FINAL
Arizona State 81
Valparaiso 65 FINAL
SIU-Edwardsville 77
Liberty 60 FINAL
Minnesota 74
Wofford 60 FINAL
North Florida 68
Montana State 61 FINAL
Washington St 82
Marshall 56 FINAL
(22) West Virginia 69
Morgan State 40 FINAL
Chattanooga 55
Northeastern 65 FINAL
Harvard 67
Furman 51 FINAL
(15) Georgia 58
(18) Michigan State 65 FINAL
(9) Baylor 84
Ohio U 52 FINAL
Massachusetts 59
Prairie View 48 FINAL
Texas-El Paso 86
Toledo 64 FINAL
Southern Ill 48
High Point 57 FINAL
(12) Nebraska 83
Winthrop 20 FINAL
Wichita State 66
William Jewell 59 FINAL
Louisiana Tech 52 FINAL
Utah 67
Southern Utah 51 FINAL
Gonzaga 70
Hawaii 85 FINAL
Loyola Marymount 76
San Jose St 62 FINAL
San Francisco 77
CS-Northridge 65 FINAL
San Diego State 54
Norfolk State 36 FINAL
East Carolina 65
Saint Peters 49 FINAL
Loyola-Maryland 59
Arizona 60 FINAL
Stephen F Austin 72
Northwestern 92 FINAL
Eastern Illinois 44
Oral Roberts 52 FINAL
Wisconsin 70
Florida Atlantic 44 FINAL
New Mexico St 57
La Salle 76 FINAL
Georgia State 68
(16) Oregon State 73 FINAL
Nevada 50
Sacred Heart 72 FINAL
Villanova 49
Delaware 59 FINAL
Cincinnati 67
Troy 75 FINAL
Tennessee St 71
Saint Louis 68 FINAL
Utah Valley U 66
Washington 69 2nd Half 1:12
UC-Riverside 71
Pacific 42 2nd Half 3:17
Long Beach St 49
Old Dominion 68 2nd Half 1:48
Miami-Ohio 61
Austin Peay 9:00 PM
Lewis-Clark State 9:00 PM
(21) Miss State 9:30 PM


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