Vikings coach Brad Childress says he's convinced Tarvaris Jackson is "more than ready" to be an NFL quarterback.
Let's give Childress the benefit of the doubt and assume he's lying. It's his only option at this point, because the truth hurts more than usual.
Jackson -- Childress' chosen starter and pet project, the player to whom he has attached his reputation -- melted in the first road game of the season, throwing four interceptions. Brooks Bollinger, another hand-picked Childress quarterback, fumbled away a snap in relief. And the available quarterback who might be the best fit for this team, Kelly Holcomb, hasn't even officially risen to No. 2 on the depth chart.
Holcomb must feel like the guy who got bumped from "American Idol" by William Hung.
Childress says it has taken Holcomb a while to master the playbook, which explains a lot: The plays apparently are written in Sanskrit.
Not that it should matter. Even if he needs a U.N. translator, a laminated Ouija board and a Bill Belichick decoder ring to call a dive play, Holcomb should start this week.
Sunday, Jackson was the reason the Vikings lost to Detroit for the first time since Night Train Lane retired, the reason they lost despite the Lions using backup quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan, their answer to Spergon Wynn.
Lions starter Jon Kitna gave God credit for the win. Secular humanists suspect it had something to do with the Vikings quarterback.
Childress called it a "debacle," yet defended Jackson, which is like calling Watergate a conspiracy without blaming Nixon.
There are three reasons to start a young quarterback.
1) He's the best you have. (Can't be the case here, not when Jackson is throwing the ball up for grabs.)
2) You're rebuilding. (Not the case, no matter what the Vikings' spin is -- not when you have a veteran roster, looming blackouts, a coach on the firing line and hopes for a stadium.)
3) The kid is learning from his mistakes. (Jackson looked overmatched at the end of last year, looked shaky in training camp and has yet to make an impressive downfield throw this season. Sunday was proof that he's not getting better on the job.)
Yet Childress praised Jackson's ability to "administer" the running game and the two-minute drill. "I see him make a lot of good plays out there," Childress said.
This is like praising your stockbroker for his penmanship. It's a results business, and Jackson in two games has thrown five interceptions, while his only big passing play was the result of Adrian Peterson taking a flip pass 60 yards for a touchdown.
On Sunday, the Vikings play at Kansas City. Arrowhead Stadium might be the loudest, most intimidating outdoor venue in pro football, and the Vikings lost their last four games on grass fields last year, managing a total of only 43 points.
The Chiefs looked horrific in their season-opening loss to Houston, but now we know that Houston is improved, and the Chiefs put up a fight in a loss at Chicago on Sunday.
All of which means it's time to coin a phrase: This is one sweet groin injury.
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