The Transportation Security Administration recently updated its list of items prohibited on airplanes, and while we are sad to report that things like full-size toothpaste tubes are still a no-go, several sports-related items now get the thumbs-up.
No, we are not making that up. Below, we will list some items now allowed to be carried onto a plane, as well as the, ahem, particular use you might have for these items while aboard your flight.
• Hockey sticks: If you are having a hard time explaining to a seatmate the various penalties that occur in hockey, you can take out your stick and — a la Denis Lemieux in “Slap Shot” — give a vigorous demonstration of high-sticking, slashing, tripping, hooking, spearing and any other stick infraction.
• Lacrosse sticks: Let’s say you are traveling with a big group, but you end up seated in different parts of the plane. You could sling an iPod, a bag of peanuts or pretty much anything within reason from 16B to 25C in a hurry.
• Pool cues: This is just a proposal, but we’ve sat in exit rows before and you can’t tell us that extra space couldn’t be used for a miniature pool table. Just thinking out loud. Flight attendants would have to amend the preflight speech for those seated in the rows to include “and capable of making the 8-ball in the corner pocket,” but that’s a risk we have to take.
• Ski poles: We’ve all seen those beer commercials where simply opening a can of the colder-than-cold brew turns any kind of hot situation into a snow-and-ice party. Would you want to be at that party without ski poles if it happened on a plane? Or would you want those ski poles? The answer is obvious.
• Golf clubs (limit of two): Yeah, you can’t bring your whole bag. But you could bring, say, a couple of putters. How about a putting contest from one beverage cart to the next? Closest to the ginger ale wins.
• Novelty bats: The bat must be either less than 24 inches long (like a souvenir bat) or, if it is longer than that, less than 24 ounces ... like a whiffleball bat. If you aren’t already thinking about where the bases would be on a plane during a game of whiffle ball, then we can’t be friends.