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Clearance Clarence: Hot dog in your room, and Would You Rather?

  • Blog Post by: Michael Rand
  • February 23, 2010 - 11:27 AM

Commenter Clarence Swamptown is back with his increasingly popular feature "Clearance Clarence," which is basically an unfiltered plunge into his soul. It's a terrifying place, but there are sweet rewards. This week, he is awesome. As usual, the opinions expressed on Clearance Clarence don't necessarily represent those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Clarence?

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*There was no post last week because I participated in the 6th Annual Western Wisconsin Bar Tour (aka WW6).  In my first ever RandBall COW post I tried to summarize the WW4, but 95% of it was understandably redacted.  A quick recap of the WW6 rules:  10 guys start in Hudson and finish in Siren.  One bar per town, one drink per bar.  We stay at a friend’s cabin near Siren.  This year somebody brought a hot dog rotisserie, just like they have in gas stations.  You know what tastes awesome after waking up hung-over?  Coffee and cheddarwursts.  It’s true.  It was an absolutely clutch addition to the WW6 lineup.  The hot dog rotisserie won the WW6 MVP Trophy in a landslide.
 
 
*Just how stupid is Clarence Swamptown?  I am a vast galaxy of stupid.  As Exhibit A, I submit a recent conversation with my wife:
Me:  (I walk into the room. The wife is watching television and school closings are scrolling across the screen)  What the {redacted}?  Why are they closing schools?
Wife:  (Says nothing)
Me:  I swear I just heard the forecast.  No snow. 
Wife:  (Still nothing)
Me:  Seriously.   The sky is clear.  (Looking out window)  I CAN SEE THE {REDACTED} STARS. 
Wife:  (Still no response. ‘Snow Emergency in Mendota Heights’ scrolls across the screen.)
Me:  I was just in Mendota Heights.  Why the {redacted} is there a snow emergency in Mendota Heights?  Paul {redacted} Douglas?  This is {redacted}. Do you see the television?  AM I HALLUCINATING?  WHAT THE {REDACTED}?
Wife:  I’m watching the DVR.  Those announcements are from last week. 
Me:  I am an idiot.
Wife:  I know. 
 
*Country and Western Song of the Week:  This week’s C&WSotW is the Charlie Daniels Band’s, “In America”.  The USA is currently leading the Olympic medal count with a total of 25 medals (7G, 8S, 10B).  Using muxhut’s simple but ingenious medal scoring system, the USA would still be leading with a score of 47.    
 
*A Quick Game of Would You Rather:  Would you rather: A) Watch the Vikings win a Super Bowl in person , or B) Watch the USA beat Canada for the men’s hockey gold in Vancouver?  As a lifelong Vikings fan it would be amazing to watch their first Super Bowl victory in person. But the chance to watch the USA beat Canada on their own soil would be incredible.  I choose B, mostly because of the schadenfreude and Molson Ice 5.6.
 
RandBallers, your thoughts on crafty weekend road-trip accessories,  Jose Mijareswhereabouts, and Would You Rather questions are welcome in the comments.
 

 

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