Meant to post this Friday to go with the column. As we wave a slow farewell to the B. Dalton brand, let us remember "Books" Dalton, the regrettable ad campaign they ran in the 80s. It' s a very 80s ad.

If we could call him "Books," what was his real name? Barney? Balthazar? Beauregard? I'm hoping it was BORIS. and he was really a Soviet agent, come to study our advanced methods of page-a-day calendar construction, which would later be used as a template for Russian bathroom tissue design. (The use of "rolls" was deemed "bourgeoise" by the 5th World Congress of the Communist International.)

The spy modeled his appearance after watching George F. Will on television, and expected he would blend in.