PINEÂHURST, N.C. – TiÂger Woods hasn't won a maÂjor title since 2008. By the end of this week's U.S. Open, he will have gone 24 maÂjors withÂout a vicÂtoÂry.
If reÂcent hisÂtoÂry is prelÂude, Woods' abÂsence at PineÂhurst No. 2 this week will cause a dip in telÂeÂviÂsion ratÂings, proof that casuÂal golf fans have conÂcludÂed that Woods is the most inÂterÂestÂing golfÂer in the world even when he's not playÂing well, or ofÂten, or at all.
They are enÂtiÂtled to be wrong, in much the same way that chanÂnel- flipÂpers are enÂtiÂtled to waste their time watchÂing the self-proÂmotÂing, play-actÂing redÂnecks on "Duck DyÂnasÂty."
Phil MickÂelÂson is more inÂterÂestÂing than Woods in every cateÂgoÂry of life othÂer than acÂcuÂmuÂlatÂed maÂjor tiÂtles.
Woods beÂcame a domÂiÂnant golfÂer, porÂtrayed himÂself as reÂlentÂlessÂly borÂing, then sucÂcumbed to inÂjuÂries and scanÂdal. His achieveÂments were inÂterÂestÂing. His backÂground was inÂterÂestÂing. He himÂself turned out to be a drone pointÂed in the wrong diÂrecÂtion.
If Woods' life is the back page of a tabÂloid, MickÂelÂson's is the novel you can't put down.
Nothing Mickelson does is preÂdictÂaÂble.
Name anÂothÂer golfÂer who, afÂter the first round of a promiÂnent golf tourÂnaÂment, had FBI agents waitÂing to quesÂtion him about alleged inÂsidÂer tradÂing. That hapÂpened to Phil a few weeks ago at the Memorial. He's not only tryÂing to beat Charles HoÂwell III, he's tryÂing to beÂcome Thurston HoÂwell III.
Name anÂothÂer golfÂer who would change his putÂter grip two days beÂfore comÂpetÂing in the only maÂjor he hasn't won. Phil did, deÂcidÂing on TuesÂday to go with the "claw" grip.
Name anÂothÂer golfÂer who has played in maÂjors using two drivÂers, or has inÂventÂed his own — his "Phrankenwood" 2-wood.
Name anÂothÂer golfÂer who is so desÂpised withÂin the game for alleged phoÂniÂness, but who conÂnects so eaÂgerÂly with galÂleÂries, signs so many autoÂgraphs and has nevÂer disÂplayed anyÂthing but loyÂalÂty to his wife and longtime caddie.
Name anÂothÂer golfÂer with five maÂjor tiÂtles who is known not for conÂtrol or techÂnique, but reckÂlessÂness. MickÂelÂson might be the greatÂest golfÂer in hisÂtoÂry known for arÂguÂing with his caddie when his caddie tells him to do someÂthing senÂsiÂble, and whose swing conÂtains so many inÂapÂproÂpriÂateÂly movÂing parts.
And here's Mickelson's caÂreer in one range buckÂet: Name anÂothÂer golfÂer who has won five maÂjor tiÂtles while beÂing deÂfined by his lossÂes.
Only five playÂers have comÂpleted the modÂern caÂreer grand slam: Jack NickÂlaus, TiÂger Woods, Ben Hogan, Gene SaÂraÂzen and Gary PlayÂer. Bobby Jones won it when the fourth maÂjor was the U.S. Amateur, not the PGA Championship.
MickÂelÂson is one of 11 golfÂers who has won three of the four maÂjors. The only maÂjor that has eludÂed him is the U.S. Open.
Isn't the quest to quell deÂmons more inÂterÂestÂing than roÂbotÂic domÂiÂnance?
MickÂelÂson stood on the 18th tee SunÂday at the U.S. Open at Winged Foot in 2006 needÂing only a par to win his first maÂjor. He reached for his drivÂer and hit a hosÂpiÂtalÂiÂty tent. AfÂter his double boÂgey, he said, "I am such an idÂiÂot."
Isn't MickÂelÂson's bared soul prefÂerÂaÂble to TiÂger's clenched teeth?
MickÂelÂson has finÂished seÂcond a reÂcord six times at the U.S. Open. The first time he finÂished seÂcond was in 1999 at PineÂhurst No. 2. He led by a shot with three holes reÂmainÂing. His caddie, Jim "Bones" Mackay, wore a beepÂer so he could leave if his pregÂnant wife alertÂed him that she was en route to the hosÂpiÂtal.
Payne Stewart ralÂlied to win, then grabbed MickÂelÂson's face and told him, "You're going to be a great faÂther." Four months later, Stewart died in a plane crash.
This week MickÂelÂson reÂturns to PineÂhurst, and to heightÂen the draÂma, he's a mess. He's had physÂicÂal ailÂments and putÂting woes and hasn't finÂished in the top 10 all year.
Now he's tryÂing to do someÂthing as imÂprobÂaÂble as skipÂping a fairÂway wood off a lake — someÂthing he's tried in comÂpeÂtiÂtion. He's tryÂing to fix his game while at the U.S. Open, which prides itÂself on beÂing golf's sternÂest test of paÂtience.
"I've done some crazy stuff," MickÂelÂson said. "One of the dumbÂest things I've done, which acÂtuÂalÂly nevÂer came back to bite me, was in the 2002 U.S. Open at BethÂpage. I changed irons afÂter the first round, to difÂferÂent lofts …
"But you know you've got to take some risks someÂtimes. I've won maÂjors with two drivÂers, with one drivÂer, and with no drivÂers. I've also lost some tourÂnaÂments beÂcause of this. I'm fine with dealÂing with my own bad deÂciÂsions."
TiÂger reÂmains the greatÂest golfÂer of his genÂerÂaÂtion.
I'd rathÂer watch the guy who could eithÂer make hisÂtoÂry, or call himÂself an idÂiÂot.
Jim Souhan can be heard weekÂdays at noon and SunÂdays from 10 to noon on 1500 ESPN. His Twitter name is @SouhanStrib. • jsouhan@startribune.com