Ask Amy: She hopes spark will flame into romance
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- November 23, 2013 - 2:00 PM
Dear Amy: A few months ago I reconnected with a man I had met once before. From the first time we met, I felt there was a little spark.
We are in our 60s and have been single and on our own for many years. We have established a nice, comfortable, somewhat flirty friendship. He has a great outgoing personality and sense of humor and has said the same about me.
We have both stated that we like each other and went out together for the first time recently. The problem seems to be that I would like a more romantic relationship (but no living together or marriage).
I have told him this, but the word “relationship” seems to be a problem with him. I suspect that there might be some heartache in his past, perhaps because of a very brief marriage and no children.
He says he is just too busy to date, but I don’t quite believe that.
Should I just continue to be patient or accept the fact that some men of a certain age are just too set in their ways to consider accepting a nice woman into their solitary lives? What can I do next, if anything?
Amy says: Looking at this from my vantage point, you and this gentleman seem to want close to the same thing: companionship.
You are skewing more toward the “romantic” end of the spectrum, but, really, surely you can devote some time to enjoying this version of companionship before you judge the reasons behind this man’s reluctance to leap in. Rather than assuming he has had his heart broken, is set in his ways and is leading a solitary life, realize that it is entirely possible that he is seeing someone (or more than one someone) else. Do not rule this out.
After only one date out together, it is too soon to raise the whole “where is this thing going” question. Do not overanalyze him — or analyze him at all, if you can help it. Give your companionship a couple of months, and then you can declare what you want and let him know if this thing is going to work for you.
Resources for the abused
Dear Amy: I found the letter from the young woman who used a wheelchair and was in an abusive marriage very alarming. You urged her to leave the relationship, but I wish you had also offered her a resource.
Amy says: Many readers were alarmed and concerned. Anyone in an abusive relationship can check the National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org) or call 1-800-799-7233 and speak with a counselor.
Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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