Ask Amy: Sisters consider family-style adoption
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- November 6, 2013 - 2:16 PM
Dear Amy: I am a 40-year-old woman and have lived with my sister (six years younger) since we moved out of our parents’ house together 14 years ago.
We bought a house together years ago and both have very fulfilling lives.
Neither of us has had a boyfriend for years. Our focus is on work, family, friends and our dog. Our parents keep giving us a hard time because they want grandchildren.
My sister is now pressuring me to consider adopting a baby together. It sounds like a good idea, but I don’t see how it would work well. She insists that our lives will just envelope around the child.
We both work full-time demanding jobs and we are financially comfortable, but a child adds a lot of expense and time (also, this gives a whole other meaning to “having two mommies”). She suggested it could work the same way we handle our dog, where I am considered Mama and she is Auntie. Obviously, there is a big difference between a dog and a baby.
What if my sister ends up meeting the man of her dreams and moves out? Will she then be OK leaving the child behind? It seems like it could turn into a legal nightmare.
On the other hand, we are not getting any younger and it would be great if we could give our parents a grandchild. What do you think?
Amy says: Giving your parents a grandchild is not a good reason to have a baby.
I love the idea of adopting within the family but you and your sister should explore this carefully, thoroughly, and with abundant legal and counseling assistance.
If you decide to move forward, I’d urge you to consider becoming foster parents. According to the National Foster Parent Association, more than 400,000 children are living without permanent families in out-of-home placement. You and your sister (and your parents) might be the ideal family to offer your love and care to a child in need. To learn more, check nfpaonline.org.
Dear Amy: I’ve had a good friendship with someone for 10 years. We both enjoy music. Last month, he asked me to give him a ride to and from the hospital where he was having a procedure done.
I was unable to do this and told him so. Apparently he did not believe me and never answered my e-mail when I inquired about the procedure.
Then at a musical event that we both normally attend he shunned me. I know he gets easily offended and sometimes acts this way toward other people.
This has caused me to not attend several musical events because I feel uncomfortable.
Should I try to reach out to him by e-mail to see if this friendship can be salvaged?
Amy says: E-mail doesn’t work for you. You should give him a call or speak to him directly the next time you see him. Ask him how he is doing, and if the atmosphere thaws between you, you can move on in friendship. Otherwise, please continue to boogie to your beat, regardless of the awkwardness.
Dear Amy: An amputee asked about disclosing her situation to dates. I, too, am a below-knee amputee (guy) who re-entered the dating game. If this woman wants romance, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.
So here is what you do: On the second date invite the lucky guy to engage in some kind of sporty outdoor fun. Maybe a brisk walk, a bike ride, tennis, softball, archery, bird-watching, gardening, whatever. On the day of the event ditch the trousers for a skirt or shorts and let your freak flag fly.
He will ask questions and she should look him in the eye and say, “Stuff happens. No one leaves this planet with what they arrived with.” If he doesn’t swoon immediately, then there is no romance in the poor guy and she can move on. This worked for me — and my chosen one and I are in it to win it nearly three years later.
Amy says: I have one word for you: Awesome.
Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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