You may call them a dreamer, but you're not the only one. Via Hypervocal:

Oh look their website uses the Lobster typeface. That's such a great choice because it makes everyone feel young again, because, y'know, they're thinking about 2012.

The video that accompanies the effort defines snark as basic jerkiness. I think it's more of a bitchy, passive-aggressive hit-and-run thing. Jerky, yes, but with wit. Still annoying, but if "snark" was the main characteristic of unsavory internet comments we wouldn't mind so much. It's the brutal, unimaginative stupidity that makes some threads the equivalent of a Roman sewer after a dysentery outbreak.

Need some suggestions for nice things to say? Here you go.

FULL STRENGTH HATERADE As long as we're hoovering up content from Hypervocal, here's how they describe a video that goes to town on BuzzFeed:

There are naughty words, so I'm not embedding, but here it is. Hypervocal extracted this rich, moisty chewy center from the philippic: :

It's the stuff after three minutes that I like - it's not just the sloppy thievery and lousy sourcing that plagues the listicles, it's the meretricious captions that yell at you in 36pt type.

BTW, Maddox unloads on the pronunciation of GIF after the credits. He's absolutely right and it doesn't matter, as we'll see in a bit. But as long as we're on GIFs: here's "Buzzfeed Articles Without the GIFs," a tumblr that extracts the deathless prose from those annoying images. As the description says: "I love Buzzfeed's writing, but couldn't stand those pesky GIFs getting in the way." Example:

I tell you, it's as if S. J. Perelman came back to life.

Maddox points out the shoddy, lazy sourcing of the GIFs. Let's take a look at a GIF used to illustrate the candy-corn piece:

Buzzfeed file name: "anigif_enhanced-buzz-19537-1381987403-0.gif." Do they rename everything they rehost as "enhanced" to suggest they've added value somehow? There's nothing enhanced about it. The source is "giphy.com," which is like quoting Shakespeare and citing the source as "the Public Library." The GIF at Giphy is sourced to this tumblr, Roxanne Blue, which posted it on March 17. It's not reblogged from elsewhere. Searching for the file name shows no entries before March 17. That took me about 2 minutes.

What is going on at the BuzzFeed offices that's so time-consuming no one has a spare moment to source a GiF and throw a little link-thanks?

Which brings us to the question of the pronunciation of GIF. Again. All the experts say it's a soft g, despite the hard G in the very word it abbreviates. This article puts you in your place: "If you pronounce GIF with a Hard G, You Must Be New to the Internet." He has credentials; he was making GIFs in 1996, and worked at Adobe.

One more thing, near the end:

Except that's what the headline says, isn't it?

MARIMBA KILLER Who made the new sounds in iOS7? 9to5Mac says it's Minnesota native Adam Young, better known as the founder and singer of Owl City. An authoritative critical assessment of some new tones can be found here. He gets "By the Seaside" wrong, though. By far the worst ringtone in the entire OS, it's straight out of a 1974 "Love Boat" episode starring an old-time movie star who hooks up with an old fan from his silent days. Starring Burt Mustin, maybe.

VIDEO It'll be snowmobile season soon. Here are some pointers on how to get the snowmobile on the truck, and by "pointers" I mean A) don't do this, B) throttle back early if you must do this, and C) don't do this.