Admit it: when you woke this morning, you winced before you looked out the window. You expected the worst. You expected that bleeping winter bleeping wonderland. Shin-deep Santa-stuff. And . . . nothing. It's a Christmas Miracle!

That's how bizarre this spring is: we're in a good mood with a jaunty lilt to our heart because we didn't get half a foot of snow. Our sympathies to southeast MN, though: 15 inches. Cruel and unusual: that storm was unconstitutional.

SOUNDS LEGIT Aliens: they're just messing with us.

The Reds had their own experience with UFOs, but it was quite different.

So they shut us down and lit them up. Seems like they were playing favorites - or perhaps testing to see how these puny creatures would react. Such savages, playing with fire!

At least that's how sci-fi from the 50s and 60s loved to describe us. Ants who were unaware of the power we had. "The Day the Earth Stood Still," for example. Dude in a Reynolds Wrap suit shows up with a super-powerful robot and tell us not to be Violent in Space or they will destroy us. Because space is just so crowded, I guess.

Frankly, I would think that aliens would be impressed, at least if they were anthropologists. Hey, Nr84Qx, when were we here last? Oh, 30 blorts ago, maybe 31. That's what I thought. What did they have then, wind power? Now they have satellites in orbit. These guys are pretty good. Remember that species we visited last blort, and they were still using rocks?

YOU Today's irritating headline that uses the YOU style, from Wired: Things You Shouldn't Text When You're Accused of Bombing Boston: 'LOL'

Keep that in mind in case you're ever accused of bombing Boston.

RULES ARE RULES The great thing about zero-tolerance policies? They reduce the need for anything like "thought" or "rational reaction" or "regrets over consequences." Rules are rules. The MarySue says:

More here. And then there's this fellow:

This has people asking some silly questions:

Like I said, silly questions.

VIDEO This has been seen by over a million people in the last week, but on the off chance you missed it: gas-pump thieves invent a new dance, the Clothesline.