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Amy: Heartbreak is tough for 17-year-old girl

  • Article by: AMY DICKINSON
  • October 26, 2012 - 1:49 PM

Dear Amy: I'm only 17, and I don't know how, but I fell in love with a guy when I was 16. He was the only person I have ever truly loved, and we were together for 1 year and 10 months. We are no longer together, and I think it's because I didn't want to have sex with him.

What am I to do? I still love him, but he has another girlfriend, and it hurts to see that she makes him happy and that he doesn't miss me the way I miss him. His mother is also harassing me, and she says things to me that a grown woman shouldn't say to a 17-year-old. I want to move on and find someone who will love me no matter what, but my heart won't let me.

Amy says: I wish I could wave my magic Amy wand and make all of this immediately better, but I can't. So I'm going to offer you a visual cue that you should return to when you're feeling low. I want you to find the biggest and most old-fashioned clock you can find. Look at its beautiful face, and tell yourself, "Time will heal me."

In addition to letting time do its magic, here are some concrete things you can do: Stay away from people who put you down. Ignore, block or run from these people, if you have to. Substitute the search for love with the search for friendship. The affection and fellowship of a true friend will make you feel beautiful, smart and strong.

Your sweetness, strength and core values will draw people toward you who appreciate these qualities. Somewhere in the crush of people who will be drawn to you over time is the one you will love next. And he will love you back.

Not Swiss custom

Dear Amy: Someone wrote you recently about in-laws who never close the bathroom door when they're using it. To insinuate that this is some sort of Swiss custom is ridiculous. I'm Swiss and I assure you, this is gross, no matter where you're from.

Amy says: This writer wasn't saying that this was a Swiss custom. But her in-laws' choice to tease her for her "American prudishness" made their open-door policy her problem.

Splitting the bill

Dear Amy: My husband, sister-in-law and I recently went on vacation together. Now it's time to split the bill for lodging, car rental, gas and food.

My husband thinks he and I should pay two-thirds and his sister one-third. I think that we should pay two-thirds of the food bill but split everything else in half. A car rental, hotel room and gas aren't "per person" costs; rather, they are flat rates. The cost of food, however, depends on how many people you need to feed.

My thought is that the flat-rate expenses should be divided by party rather than by individual. So what is more fair: dividing the bill in half or into thirds?

Amy says: My question is why, oh why, didn't the three of you discuss this before the trip?

I agree that your solution is probably more "fair." But there is fairness and then there is family. Splitting all the bills three ways, and you and your husband covering two-thirds of the cost, is easiest and ever-so-slightly generous on your part. And, if you can afford it, isn't this the best way to be?

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com.

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