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The Pizza They're Hiding From You

  • Blog Post by: James Lileks
  • September 28, 2012 - 12:00 PM

Everyone loves pizza. But this . . .

 

 

. . . is not pizza. It’s from Pizza Hut, but that does not make it pizza. In case you didn’t get the point after playing it six times: it’s a KitKat bar inside pizza dough, liberally encrusted with sugar. You’ll have to go to Pizza Hut in the Middle East to get one.

Laughingsquid has been investigating dubious Pizza Hut innovations in other countries, things they’ve been keeping from us. I just don’t know why this one hasn’t made it over the pond from Blighty:

 

 

Hot dogs in the crust. A spinal cord of hot dog. (The industry term for the edge of the crust: “bones.” Since that’s what’s usually left on the plate when people have finished their meal.) It also has a Mustard Drizzle. (Mustard Drizzle will be playing a gig tonight at Bryant-Lake Bowling.) If you’re thinking “that’s interesting, buy why haven’t they rolled the dough into ice-cream-cone shapes and stuffed with cream cheese? Well:

 

 

If you’re thinking that’s the limit to ill-starred crust deviation, you really haven’t absorbed the extent to which they’re bent on deforming Pizza As We Know it.

 

 

And this cannot be sold in America. The world is upside down. 

SMELL LIKE FIRE I’d better stop now before I rip off any more links from Laughing Squid, but I couldn’t resist this:

 

 

It’s beard cologne. You light the stick and let the smoke go into your facial hair, so you smell like a campfire. I suppose it works on hair, or clothes, but they really seem to suggest it’s for hirsute hipsters. Not saying that people have become disconnected from the elemental pleasures of life, but:

 

 

You could never do that in an office. The moment someone smelled smoke they’d assume the worst. And even if they didn’t think you’d lit a cigarette, they might think that flames were engulfing the business.

About that logo: it is not hardcore.

 

DOGS This really needs a caption.

 

 

Source: the PetPeek.

TECH  Instagram, having empowered millions with the ability to make their sushi look like it was photographed in 1974, is changing the way you use the apps. Live Preview of the filters: see ya. As Buzzfeed puts it:

Why would Instagram, a photo service, kill a major photo feature that it had invested significant engineering resources into developing, to the point that it rearchitected one of the core experiences in its app around it? Well, the thing is, Instagram doesn't — and hasn't — seen itself as a photo service, even if that's how you (and everybody else) sees it. Founder Kevin Systrom told Mat Honan months ago: "I don't like the idea of Instagram as a photo sharing service, and I don't think it is. It's very much a communication tool; it's a visual communication tool."

I suspect he just didn’t like all the cliches that arose around the filters - like faded, orange-hued sushi pictures - and he probably hated most of the filters. For good reason, too - most Instagram filters have limited utility, and you could eliminate 3/4ths. 

Then again, Instagram just isn’t about posting pictures of old signs and following other people who post pictures of old signs.

Instagram is "focused on how do we change the world in some real way," according to Systrom.

Oh. Well. Good luck with that.

Finally: face-to-face with an internet troll. I wish it had ended with the troll in the stocks in the public square, but it’s a good story.

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