Richard III and the Candy Corn Oreo
- Blog Post by: James Lileks
- September 13, 2012 - 12:13 PM
No, there's no connection between the items in the headline. Sorry. Let us begin by matching wits with Minneapolis’ forgotten ace detective, Lance Lawson.
That was quick, wasn’t it? Solution at the bottom.
CONFECTIONS The recent discussion of daily Oreo-related conceptual art - really, it’s a few posts down - neglected to mention a peculiar development in the cookie world. Candy-corn flavored Oreos.
No. This isn’t as bad as Jones Soda’s Candy-corn flavored pop, which was so sweet it would give diabetes to a rock if topically applied. But - no. That’s just my opinion; I don’t abhor candy corn, but it holds no appeal, thanks to a childhood overdose that left me somewhat averse to its charms. In related news, the NYC big-soda ban has passed:
New York City's Board of Health opened up a new, experimental front in the war on obesity Thursday, passing a rule banning sales of big sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, concession stands, and other eateries. The regulation, which was proposed in the spring by Mayor Michael Bloomberg and approved by panel of health experts after several months of review, puts a 16-ounce size limit on cups and bottles of non-diet soda, sweetened teas, and other calorie-packed beverages.
The ban will apply in fast-food joints, movie houses and Broadway theaters, workplace cafeterias, and most other places selling prepared food.
One board member, Dr. Sixto R. Caro, abstained from voting. The other 8 board members voted yes
What a great name: Sixto R. Caro. It’s a variant on Sextus, and as you might imagine, means “sixth.” The other famous Sixto is Sixto Rodriguez, whose “signature” song was called . . . “Sugar Man.” And “Caro,” of course, is one way to spell a famous brand of corn-based syrup.
I think it’s rather clear where that dissenting vote came from. The man’s bought and paid for.
HISTORY So how do we know the body found under a parking lot might be Richard the Third? We don’t, conclusively, but there’s this:
Yes. The man who became this skeleton took a beating. He has a small penetrating wound to the top of the head, and a much larger wound where a slice has been cut off the skull at the side and back – consistent with the swing of a blade. On 22 August 1485, Richard III was killed at the Battle of Bosworth Field by blows that some accounts describe as being so violent they drove his helmet into his head.
Ouch. Think of that the next time someone says “It’s good to be king.” Then there’s this:
The Leicester skeleton also has a barbed iron arrowhead stuck in its upper back. But the middle ages were violent times, so again this is only supporting evidence.
So having a barbed iron arrowhead in your back doesn’t really narrow it down as much as you’d think.
Who was Richard? You’ll find more on his website, which forbids any reproduction of any commentary whatsoever. ANY REPRODUCTION.
I’ll assume that means your URL, too? Fine. Go find it if you want it.
MOVIES Can’t wait for this: (If it's not displaying, go HERE. Blog is acting janky today.
Ralph is a throwback videogame character, and meant to remind you of Donkey Kong. I didn’t play much Kong - like PacMan, it was pattern memorization, not gameplay. Asteroids, now there was a game.
SOLUTION Lance suspected the victim had been killed by his pal for two reasons: the victim would not have opened the door for a stranger, Nor would he have turned his back on one. Of course!
© 2013 Star Tribune