Amy: He wants romance with co-worker
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- June 22, 2012 - 1:26 PM
Dear Amy: I have recently been spending more time with a new co-worker. The more I get to know her, the more interested I become.
We are both unattached and have made your column our morning routine when we work together.
We both have had previous bad experiences in relationships.
Now I'm having a hard time not asking her out for a date.
She wants to be single, and I can understand her feelings about putting her career first.
I think she knows I want more, yet I'm reluctant to make any move that would ruin the friendship we have begun.
I'm usually good at giving advice on these matters, but I could really use an outsider's opinion. I just don't know what to do.
Amy says: Thank you for making my column part of your workday routine. Judging from the mail I receive from worker bees, this column serves as conversation fodder in many cubicle farms.
Your co-worker seems to be telegraphing that she will not be receptive to a romance with you.
All the same, I know the irrepressible impulse of wanting to ask someone out.
I say: Relieve the pressure by bringing this up, but anticipate being kindly refused.
Here's how you can do it: "Amy seems to think I should ask you to do something outside of work. I'm not sure. What do you think?"'Real' families
Dear Amy: I am a stepmother of two beautiful, amazing children, ages 9 and 7. I have been a part of their lives for many years and I count myself as one of their four parents (my husband and me; their mother and her husband).
The problem is the rest of society.
Since my husband and I married several years ago, the question from his family, my family, friends, co-workers, etc., is when we are going to have our own children.
We always say that we already have two children and every time, the other person says, "Yeah, but it's different with your own."
To any stepparent who is loving and involved, this is incredibly hurtful and ignorant.
This sort of statement would not be made toward an adoptive or foster parent -- so why should a stepparent count as anything less?
Amy says: I understand your frustration and appreciate your advocacy for stepparents.
I have one quibble, however. You say that people would never question that adoptive or foster children are "real" children -- but people do question this, all the time.
Stepparents are "real" parents; adopted children are "real" family members, and other than for points of clarity, I don't see any reason to distinguish between people in families related by DNA or by choice.Turning 27
Dear Amy: I am turning 27 soon. I have always thought that birthdays should be special.
However, although I know a lot of people and have friends where I live, I don't have any close friends. I think it's up to me to make my day special. I want to have a party at a club, but I know the timing is bad. Exams are coming up for many, and others are short on cash.
Should I invite everyone anyway and deal with the awkwardness/disappointment when many decline? Should I only invite those I think can come? Should I just forget about the whole thing?
Maybe next year there will be more special people in my life.
Amy says: It's tough to have a birthday on your own, but one challenge of adulthood is the knowledge that you don't always have a built-in cheering section.
You should plan something easy -- where you would be happy if very few people showed up. If there is one friend you know well, ask her (or him) to go out to the club with you on that night. Then you can tell other people where you'll be and ask them to join you.
Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.
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