Amy: Sleepovers are focus of mom-daughter feud
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- June 4, 2012 - 2:18 PM
Dear Amy: I've raised my kids for 13 years as a single mom because I want to put my focus on them. Now they're 21 and 13 and no longer want to do anything together as a family.
I met a man 10 months ago, and we started dating. He spends one or two nights a week at my place when it's not his turn to have his kids.
My 21-year-old daughter recently moved in with me. We both agreed that her boyfriend can visit but that he can't spend the night. Well, she did not keep her word and he stays overnight every other day.
When I brought this up, her response was that if my boyfriend stayed overnight, then her boyfriend could stay too. Is it selfish of me to ask that her boyfriend not stay overnight?
She works full time. Her dad pays for car expenses and student loans, and I pay for housing, food, health insurance and other expenses. I have asked her to move out many times, but she has refused. What should I do?
Amy says: You still have a 13-year-old at home. I suggest you get back on the ball before this child ends up as disrespectful as his or her older sister.
Your daughter might be staging a passive-aggressive protest about your boyfriend's presence, but regardless of her motives, the person who pays for the home gets to decide what other adults live (or spend the night) there. If your daughter doesn't like it, then she should move out.
My sense is that the reason your children no longer want to spend time together as a family is because there is a lot of strife and stress in your household. If your daughter moved out, this stress would decrease substantially.Wedding struggle
Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding, but we've encountered a lot of interference from his side of the family. They have never been fond of me and have had difficulties accepting our engagement because we are so young.
We will be paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves (with a little help from my parents) and were hoping for a small wedding -- a nice sit-down dinner with immediate family and close friends.
However, his family is insisting we invite their extended family, which numbers over 150 people! My fiancé wants to invite the extended family in order to pacify them, but finances are a big issue here. Is there a classy way to suggest financial assistance from his family?
Amy says: I agree with your fiancé's parents -- you are too young to get married because you are obviously not mature enough or self-confident enough to avoid being steamrolled. The beauty of financing your own wedding is that it provides a built-in way to respond to family members who want to bring 150 guests along with them.
You simply say, "We're planning the wedding we can afford, and we can't afford that."
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