Convention or Super Bowl: It's all the same

By jim souhan columnist

Last update: September 4, 2008 - 11:29 PM

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Note: Jim Souhan usually writes about sports. This week, he was asked to provide an outsider's perspective on the convention.

I'm just a simple sportswriter. The Republican National Convention, with its bright lights and daring color scheme of red, white and blue, frightens and confuses me.

But having explored the RNC this week, and armed with the political wisdom that can be gained only by eating a box lunch in the media center, I have discovered that a political convention is just like a sporting event, only without all the interesting stuff.

With a final score (the delegate vote) rigged by officials, it's like an NBA game.

With hooligans rioting aimlessly outside, it's like a European soccer match, without the soccer. Which is a good thing. Seeing soccer and hooligans in the same day is double jeopardy.

With thousands of people dressed in the same colors turning the Xcel Energy Center into a big party, it's like a Minnesota Wild game. The same number of goals get scored in this building whether the Wild play or not, and the convention and the Wild both are led by a defense-minded old guy. (John McCain is the one who talks "straight''; Jacques Lemaire is the one with the French-Canadian lilt.)

With devout followers drinking and roaming the streets, St. Paul feels like Green Bay before a Packers game. Packer fans see Vince Lombardi's profile in blocks of cheese; Republicans imagine Ronald Reagan's face on the dollar bill.

In an age of terrorism, all these big events -- conventions, Super Bowls, public displays of Wolf Blitzer's beard -- feel the same. Barricades. Riot police. Lines. TV sets filled with people who look much shorter in person. (Blitzer is, in reality, 3 feet 2.)

Here's the difference: Games provide human drama culminating in a clearly defined outcome posted on a large scoreboard. Conventions offer prefabricated speeches recited mostly by people who could make even Chris Matthews nod off. You get halftime speeches without the halves.

The worst parts of covering a big sporting event are the coaches' talks and press conferences. Those are the highlights of a convention.

In sports, the athletes are the stars. In politics, the media big shots seem much more interesting than the speechmakers, and the analysis seems much more interesting than the actual speeches.

In sports, spin gets trumped by records and statistics. In politics, spin is the subject matter.

Speaking of spin, our own Michele Bachmann told the nation that Minnesota is such a joyous place that we even have "happy liberals,'' which is an oxymoron rivaling "jumbo shrimp.''

Mostly, though, politicians, like coaches, seem intent on talking without saying anything. Which is why, if you didn't want your intelligence insulted by the Democratic and Republican conventions the past two weeks, you had to rely on the dreaded Mainstream Media.

If you think our country is hopelessly divided between red and blue, check out my favorite political show, MSNBC's "Morning Joe,'' which operated from Keys Cafe in St. Paul this week.

"Morning Joe'' is like the old Imus show, without the infomercials and racism.

Every weekday morning, Joe Scarborough, Mika Brzezinski and the other guy host the country's best media and political minds, praising and skewering both sides of the aisle.

For someone accustomed to drama and unpredictability, the show -- like the average ballgame -- was more interesting than the convention itself.

Jim Souhan can be heard from 10 a.m.-noon Sundays on AM-1500 KSTP.

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