Support for Grieving Pet Owners

Originally appeared in TC Dog magazine July/August 2004

For all the countless joys and benefits there are to sharing your life with a pet, there is still one enormous, inescapable drawback-he just won't live long enough.  Open your heart to an animal and you are opening your heart to eventual loss and the grief that follows.

Not everyone accepts the notion that a pet's death warrants real grief. "There is so much human suffering in the world," one argument goes, "how can you be so upset over the death of a single animal?" Nonetheless, there is a growing awareness of the profound bonds we form with our pets and an increasing number of resources where a grieving owner can find solace and support.

Grief manifests itself in many ways, one of the most common being a deep and persistent sense of aloneness.  The bereaved may feel that no one truly understands the depth of their sorrow. They may feel embarrassed to share their sadness with friends or family who may not appreciate what they're going through. In recognition of this, the Animal Humane Society offers its weekly Pet Loss Support Group. These meetings (held on Mondays at 7:00 p.m.) are free of charge and led by a trained facilitator who helps provide a safe, supportive environment where grieving pet owners can share their thoughts and feelings. For more information, call 763-489-2220.

The University of Minnesota Veterinary Medical Center (VMC) also offers a support group through its Companion Animal Love, Loss and Memories (CALLM) Group. The CALLM Group is a joint project between the U of M's Veterinary Medical Center and the School of Social Work. It is free for clients of the VMC (a $10 donation is requested from nonclients) and meets from 6:00-7:30 p.m. on the second and fourth Wednesdays of every month. Registration is required and space is limited. Call 612-624-9372 for more information.

Jeannine Moga, full-time, licensed social worker, provides assistance and counseling, free of charge, to VMC clients who are facing end-of-life issues or other difficult decisions with their pets. "We try to provide a helpful ear," Moga says, "and give the owners the space to work through these issues on their own.  It isn't therapy, really, but it is a therapeutic relationship."   Moga says that the grief owners feel is only natural, given all the ways our pets enhance our lives. Over the past several decades, we've brought our animals into the center of family life, literally into our homes.  We consider them family members, and we grieve them as such.

The VMC also offers free, printable grief packets on its website, which are full of detailed information about the grieving process as it relates to pets, suggestions for memorializing a departed pet, and extensive lists of print resources, websites relating to pet loss, support groups around the country and pet loss hotlines.  There is also a special packet with information on helping children deal with the death of a pet.

Another place grieving owners may find solace is at www.petloss.com.  Founded by tender-hearted animal lover Ed Williams in 1995, this site allows an owner to submit the name of a deceased pet to a list of other beloved, departed pets, which over the years has grown to include about 81,000 names.  The entire list is maintained on the site and is updated weekly.  Each Monday at 9:00 p.m. CST the newly bereaved and site regulars around the world participate, each wherever he or she may be, in a small ceremony, the text of which can be found on the website.  Participants are encouraged to light a candle and to read the ceremony and the list of the most recently departed pets aloud.  The site also includes a chat room, a separate list for the names of pets with special needs, a special section where owners can post tributes to their deceased pets (and read tributes left by others), and links to other support and tribute sites online. 

When we welcome an animal into our lives we also accept, consciously or unconsciously, the responsibility of seeing that animal from this world into the next.  It's a heavy burden under the best of circumstances.  Fortunately, it's no longer one that must be borne alone.

Marlee McLeod is a pet sitter and freelance writer from Minnesota.