Letters of the Day (Aug. 21): Walser ad

  • Updated: August 20, 2013 - 6:23 PM

Photo: Bill Hogan, Chicago Tribune/MCT

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On Sunday, I noticed, in an ad from Walser, a very interesting disclaimer: “Due to biological predispositions to immortality, the following species are excluded from Warranty for life: Jellyfish, Lobsters and Planarian Flatworms.”

Although I don’t agree with policies that exclude based on species, I can understand that it is not fiscally responsible for an auto dealership to offer lifetime warranties to “immortal” species. It is for this reason that I must advise Walser to add tardigrades to the list of exclusions. The tardigrade is a highly resilient microscopic animal, also with immortal tendencies.

Remember, Walser, there can be only one.


• • •

I think Walser was just checking to see if people actually read disclaimers. I had to look this “biological predisposition to immortality” up on Wikipedia. It’s true! I guess if you are an animal that is delicious as a lobster, Mother Nature feels no need to have you die from old age; she just must figure someone will eat you sooner or later. Of course, I’ve never tried jellyfish or planarian flatworm, but if my theory holds true, they must also be delicious.

Well, Walser, if you want to know if there are people out there reading the fine print, there are. We are few, we are proud (and we may or may not be trying jellyfish for dinner).

JOE B. STRUM, St. Paul

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