Women's resolutions for 2013

  • Article by: GINA BARRECA , Hartford Courant
  • Updated: December 30, 2012 - 8:17 PM

For women everywhere, I would like to offer the following New Year's Resolutions of Things We Will Not Say in 2013:

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Donna Grethen illustration relates to women's New Year's resolutions.

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Forget about the usual resolutions, my friends. Forget about losing 15 pounds, alphabetizing your underwear or whatever else you're half-heartedly promising yourself you'll do this year.

You don't need to lose 15 pounds. If you're over 45, the only people looking at you closely are other women over 45, and all they're thinking is, "Do I look like her from the back?"

And unless guests need to wear hazmat masks when they step into your foyer, your house is probably clean enough. Stop watching "Hoarders" and telling yourself you're out of control if you have more than three pairs of unmatched socks or haven't done the dishes since this morning. Or yesterday.

And if you haven't done the dishes since last week, so what? You don't have to worry about that, either. Just bury them in the yard. Think of it as a new kind of crockery composting.

We need real resolutions; we need to change things that matter. For women everywhere, therefore, I would like to offer the following New Year's Resolutions of Things We Will Not Say in 2013:

1. "Oh, it's only me!" Stop putting the word "only" in front of yourself like a veil or a fan, as if it's girlie-cutesy. It's neither adorable nor feminine, just annoying, unnecessary and self-deprecating in the worst possible way. And that's not just my girlish way of looking at things, either. "Only You" is a great oldies song, but automatically saying "it's only me" is no way for a grown-up to talk about herself.

2. "I just wanted to say that ..."  That's another automatic apology that has got to go. Just say what it is you just want to say. Don't preface it with a 13-second introduction: spit it out, honey. It'll feel much better and, since life is short, you need to spend your time on stage saying the important lines.

3. "It's fine. Don't worry about me. I'll be OK with it, even though it's not what I'd originally planned or anything." Let's make 2013 the year we leave our evil friend, Passive Aggressive Whiner, in the dust. If you don't want to accept something, make your "no" emphatic and take responsibility. If you are willing to be flexible, do it without feeling sorry for yourself. But no more grumbling: "Why am I always the one who gets stuck doing this when others get their own way?"

4. 'No, really, they're very comfortable.'  You're kidding, right? Have you seen platform high-heeled shoes? They look like they were designed for the Spanish Inquisition. Have you watched us try to walk in these things? It's like a circus act. I have seen perfectly sane adult women swaying in gusty breezes because they have lost the ability to balance themselves. They look like they're leaning forward and about to topple, but they blithely wave away all concern for personal safety by chirping, "Just look at the sexy peep toe!"

5. 'This has got to change. Somebody has to do something about this. But what can I do? I'm only one person.'  We all have our own version of a significant issue that's too overwhelming, too enormous, too intimidating, and apparently too far away from our own sphere of influence to do anything except break our hearts or make us furious and frustrated.

Every woman has a "this" keeping her up at night: the rights for girls to be educated wherever they live; violence against those who can least protect themselves; the exploitation by some corporations of the environment; the plight of abused animals. We wring our hands, believing ourselves powerless. That is the first thing that needs to change.

Once again, we have to take away the word "only." We have to turn "I'm one person" into a battle cry and a cheer of encouragement. You're a woman, a citizen, a person of conviction. Not only do you have couarge, a voice and voice -- you've got a whole gorgeous year to make trouble.

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Gina Barreca is an English professor at the University of Connecticut and a feminist scholar who has written eight books.

 

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