Lesbians on guard and suspicious -- of me

Article by: GAIL RODDY
Updated: June 11, 2012 - 9:00 PM

I was recently profiled. Again. It's happened so often in recent years, you would think I'd get used to it. I haven't.

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Nancy Ohanian illustration of racial profiling.

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I was recently profiled. Again. It's happened so often in recent years, you would think I'd get used to it. I haven't.

Last weekend, a friend invited me to her birthday party at her home. People of all ages, races, marital statuses and sexual orientations were in attendance.

I made my way across the crowded living room toward the kitchen. My friend saw me and motioned me over. After I walked up and hugged her, she turned and introduced me to her niece, and her niece's partner, Connie.

The young couple said "hello," tersely, and nodded. A blank expression quickly swept across their faces. I couldn't help noticing that Connie was visibly pregnant. I couldn't help noticing that the minute we were introduced, the couple let go of each other's hands. I also couldn't help noticing their body language. They nearly recoiled from my presence before them.

I silently groaned. Here we go.

I laughed and joked with my friend. I made sure that whenever I glanced over at the young lesbian couple, I kept a smile on my face. I wanted to put them at ease. They watched me, and I could see -- even through the blank expression -- the wariness darting in their eyes.

You see, I'm a heterosexual, middle-aged, African-American woman. Apparently I'm a perceived threat to their well-being. I'm guilty until I prove myself innocent.

Think I'm just being paranoid? Over the years, my gay and proud white and black friends, business associates and acquaintances have made some variation of the following comment:

"I didn't like you when I first met you, Gail. I took one look at you and assessed: 'female, black, middle-aged, probably religious, well-dressed, professional, affluent homophobe.'"

Now, I'm a big girl. I learned long ago that life isn't fair. Yes, it's painful, but I can live with people profiling me in that manner. After all, unlike some other forms of profiling, this form is not likely to put me in harm's way.

I will continue to just live with it. Nothing else I can do. And there is an upside. Being profiled in that manner makes me ever more vigilant about how I'm blatantly profiling others. Oh, I know I do it. It just makes me try harder to stop and check myself.

I turned to the young couple. "A new life -- a baby. You both must be thrilled. Congratulations." I meant what I said.

Their sigh of relief was audible. Broad smiles emerged, and they chatted me up the rest of the evening.

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Gail Roddy, of Eden Prarie, is cofounder and past executive director of Osiris Organization, a mentoring nonprofit.

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